Venting i am so tired of feeling

[krqnet]

i despise complaining but i really don't have anywhere to talk about myself. i am constantly surrounded by people, so many people, but i'm always alone simultaneously. i feel so much, 24/7, always analyzing and thinking too far ahead and i leave that person out of fear. out of shame. out of the guilt that constantly haunts me.

the only few times i've really been vulnerable in relationships, friendships, etc. i've been used. and I haven't ever told anybody about it.

i truly do think that i only hurt myself by feeling anything. emotion is a static noise in the back of my mind when i'm alone too long. it haunts me. i want to die because of it- because in death there is no way to possibly feel.

(sorry this was so overwhelmingly edgy, tonight's been rough)

 

[ploppington]

I understand. I have people too but this is my only outlet for feelings. Even I suck at communication here even though I could go full out.

 

[slinkey10]

i despise complaining but i really don't have anywhere to talk about myself. i am constantly surrounded by people, so many people, but i'm always alone simultaneously. i feel so much, 24/7, always analyzing and thinking too far ahead and i leave that person out of fear. out of shame. out of the guilt that constantly haunts me.

the only few times i've really been vulnerable in relationships, friendships, etc. i've been used. and I haven't ever told anybody about it.

i truly do think that i only hurt myself by feeling anything. emotion is a static noise in the back of my mind when i'm alone too long. it haunts me. i want to die because of it- because in death there is no way to possibly feel.

(sorry this was so overwhelmingly edgy, tonight's been rough)

im going to say dont stop feeling, "i feel so much, 24/7, always analyzing and thinking too far ahead" - this isnt a bad thing directed in a controlled way.
It could be a super power like aspects of ADHD / Autism ?

 

[krqnet]

im going to say dont stop feeling, "i feel so much, 24/7, always analyzing and thinking too far ahead" - this isnt a bad thing directed in a controlled way.
It could be a super power like aspects of ADHD / Autism ?

i have both lmao, but you're definitely right. my issue with feelings is that it's difficult for me to control them. i think my only option really is to direct my thoughts to important things and harness what i feel in a way that's useful