Help I am seriously thinking about ctb

[DUDale]

I am thinking about ending it. I am conflicted inside. SI is battling reality. I know I should die. I know I need to. But right now survival instinct is putting up quite a struggle. Anyone have any advice? Suggestions? Maybe get drunk and SI won't be so problematic? I don't fear death. It doesn't frighten me at all. I'm old. I lived a life already. Now old and severely disabled with multiple health issues. I know that I am better off dead. Things can only and will only get worse. Can no longer afford to live either. Reality must win eventually. Does anyone have a good way to delete or disable SI? Help!

 

[dontwakemeup]

I feel the same way my friend. Do what I'm doing and pour a glass of alcohol and try to figure it out tomorrow. Life is overwhelming and the thought of waking up tomorrow is unbearable. Try taking a nap or pour a tall glass of something. Sorry I don't have better advice for you

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I am thinking about ending it. I am conflicted inside. SI is battling reality. I know I should die. I know I need to. But right now survival instinct is putting up quite a struggle. Anyone have any advice? Suggestions? Maybe get drunk and SI won't be so problematic? I don't fear death. It doesn't frighten me at all. I'm old. I lived a life already. Now old and severely disabled with multiple health issues. I know that I am better off dead. Things can only and will only get worse. Can no longer afford to live either. Reality must win eventually. Does anyone have a good way to delete or disable SI? Help!

what method ?

 

[Firefly.Forest]

I understand your conflict and find myself in a similar position as far as multiple health/financial/aging issues.
I extend empathy to you - just because a path might be in your best interest does not mean it is easy.

From the reading I have done, alcohol does reduce your inhibitions - that being said depending on your chosen method it might interfere with the "clear head" needed for a successful attempt.

I am attaching a link for your reference

Scientific Approach to Understanding SI and Discussion on Tools to Minimze SI Factors

This post aims to provide an educational/informational overview of the various scientific factors that contribute to survival instincts (SI), particularly the innate drive for self-preservation and the automatic responses that arise in the face of harm and danger. While it does not delve into...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I wish you peace and send you hugs

 

[DUDale]

what method ?

I'm leaning towards fentanyl but considering other options but probably fentanyl. I did it once before in March this year but 1 asshole couldn't mind his own business and called in a welfare check and I was cruelly brought back from the dead so I might want to do something irreversible this time but probably will end up going with fentanyl because it's easiest and completely painless.

 

[citrix_s]

I am thinking about ending it. I am conflicted inside. SI is battling reality. I know I should die. I know I need to. But right now survival instinct is putting up quite a struggle. Anyone have any advice? Suggestions? Maybe get drunk and SI won't be so problematic? I don't fear death. It doesn't frighten me at all. I'm old. I lived a life already. Now old and severely disabled with multiple health issues. I know that I am better off dead. Things can only and will only get worse. Can no longer afford to live either. Reality must win eventually. Does anyone have a good way to delete or disable SI? Help!

In my attempts, I prepared everything to take the SN, and for three days I couldn't do it. But on the fourth day, after an hour with everything prepared, I felt a small urge and took it in one gulp.

It's hard to fight that survival urge.

 

[58Alice85]

In my personal experience the longer you are suicidal and contemplate death, SI slowly becomes less of a problem

 

[itsgone2]

In my personal experience the longer you are suicidal and contemplate death, SI slowly becomes less of a problem

I was thinking about this today. You can learn new skills, adapt to situations, etc. So why not this? Why not learn to blunt the influence of si? Seems possible from that standpoint.

 

[JadedBeing]

I'm leaning towards fentanyl but considering other options but probably fentanyl. I did it once before in March this year but 1 asshole couldn't mind his own business and called in a welfare check and I was cruelly brought back from the dead so I might want to do something irreversible this time but probably will end up going with fentanyl because it's easiest and completely painless.

How did you ingest the fentanyl? Im considering that method too, but now sure if sniffing would be enough to od for someone with no tolerance

 

[Off_Switch]

I'm leaning towards fentanyl but considering other options but probably fentanyl. I did it once before in March this year but 1 asshole couldn't mind his own business and called in a welfare check and I was cruelly brought back from the dead so I might want to do something irreversible this time but probably will end up going with fentanyl because it's easiest and completely painless.

Fent seems like the most desirable way to go for me. I wonder what duration one would be aware of the fact that they were dying while OD'ing. Ideally, I would want to fall asleep before the process starts. I want the closest thing to dying under general anesthesia that I can find.

 

[theforgotten]

Sorry you went through that. fent definitely seems ideal. If I had access I'd definitely try that way. But I don't know the first thing about getting something Iike that.

 

[Jello Biafra]

I am thinking about ending it. I am conflicted inside. SI is battling reality. I know I should die. I know I need to. But right now survival instinct is putting up quite a struggle. Anyone have any advice? Suggestions? Maybe get drunk and SI won't be so problematic? I don't fear death. It doesn't frighten me at all. I'm old. I lived a life already. Now old and severely disabled with multiple health issues. I know that I am better off dead. Things can only and will only get worse. Can no longer afford to live either. Reality must win eventually. Does anyone have a good way to delete or disable SI? Help!

We are in the same boat my friend. I'm 53, lost my wife, my ability to walk, the use of my fingers, my business and my income all within a year.

I'm now crippled and alone. I can't drive and can barely leave my elderly mother's home since I'm in a wheelchair.

I am not scared to die either, in fact, I'm looking forward to it. But the act itself bothers me, if only because I have a bad habit of overthinking everything. I think what is holding me back is what this would do to my mother.

I wish I could go out and get some fentanyl, but alas, I can't. Don't know how to use the darkweb or crypto currency that it requires. So I'm left with hanging, or coming up with something on my own (ie I'm trying to mimick a device that was made during WW2 that was used to make people unconscious for a study).

I wish I had all of the answers as to how to disable SI - although with fentanyl it shouldn't be too hard. Opioids give me the most pleasurable and warm fuzzy feelings. Plus, you said you already attempted it before.

Maybe some liquid courage is in order (alcohol) - as we all know it lowers inhibitions. I would just make sure I had everything set up and ready beforehand, you don't want to screw something up when you are tipsy. Plus, the alcohol has the added bonus of potentiating the fentanyl.