StrugglingSienna
Suicidal Trans Girl
- Mar 16, 2025
- 188
Just spent all of last night with my long-term FWB who I've seen once a month for the last two years. We had plenty of sex, obviously, but he is more than that, a genuine friend. He's a lot older than me, 36, and it feels so cringe to say this on a public forum, but he is genuinely a daddy-like figure to me. He is a late-bloomer, spent a long time lost in his 20s before becoming going to law school and finally passing the bar at 31. He has no passion for the job, but it provides him the income needed to take care of himself and the people he cares about. He has had to spend a lot of time finding his people, other highly intelligent and empathetic queer weirdos, mainly.
I hate my body. But he has such a clearly genuine appreciation for my trans-female body and I can't help but feel like womanliest woman on Earth being held in his giant arms. He has always treated me like a woman, actually, before I even looked like one.
We did a bunch of molly, and ketamine, as we often do, and we talked. I told him that I struggle a lot with my dysphoria despite passing now and am suicidal because of it. I ended up explaining what this forum is, and admitted to posting a lot on it. He just listened. And empathized. He's been suicidal too, and he knows the "help" there is out there for suicidal people is not really help.
I just don't know anymore. This man gives me so much faith that somewhere out there, there is a man for me. And people for me. And a career that provides for me that also doesn't destroy my body, and where being outed wouldn't be the end of the world. I just have to find all those things. He's so smart, and I know I am, too, and if he can find those things then perhaps I can, too.
It will take so much effort. And time. I'll need to go back to school to finish my undergrad and fuck, maybe I want to be a lawyer, too. He keeps telling me I would be amazing at it.
I just don't think I can say CTB is certain for me anymore, not after last night. I will always feel dysphoric about being born in the wrong body. But maybe, just maybe, if I can find these these things I can lead a happy life. I know I am capable of it.
I hate my body. But he has such a clearly genuine appreciation for my trans-female body and I can't help but feel like womanliest woman on Earth being held in his giant arms. He has always treated me like a woman, actually, before I even looked like one.
We did a bunch of molly, and ketamine, as we often do, and we talked. I told him that I struggle a lot with my dysphoria despite passing now and am suicidal because of it. I ended up explaining what this forum is, and admitted to posting a lot on it. He just listened. And empathized. He's been suicidal too, and he knows the "help" there is out there for suicidal people is not really help.
I just don't know anymore. This man gives me so much faith that somewhere out there, there is a man for me. And people for me. And a career that provides for me that also doesn't destroy my body, and where being outed wouldn't be the end of the world. I just have to find all those things. He's so smart, and I know I am, too, and if he can find those things then perhaps I can, too.
It will take so much effort. And time. I'll need to go back to school to finish my undergrad and fuck, maybe I want to be a lawyer, too. He keeps telling me I would be amazing at it.
I just don't think I can say CTB is certain for me anymore, not after last night. I will always feel dysphoric about being born in the wrong body. But maybe, just maybe, if I can find these these things I can lead a happy life. I know I am capable of it.
