Trigger Warning- mentions Sexual Assault
So I introduced myself here today, but in my heart and head I know I am ready to CTB.
It has been too many years of hanging on for the sake of others, and I've had enough.
I obviously want my death to be painless, and OD is my preferred method, I can access a large combination of drugs lethal for suicide.
This last few months have been hell starting with last summer when I was sexually assaulted by a fellow dog walker in a public park. We're not talking a serious sexual assault but one that still had a knock on effect on me. The police failed to do anything they made many mistakes including closing the case without telling me, and basically left me to deal with it on my own.
Months on and my MH just went down hill, I reached breaking point and did something I won't apologise for and don't regret, this time I'm arrested and have been charged with criminal damage and I'm due to appear in court next month. Although there are many reasons this might not reach court due to police errors when I was arrested.
I want to CTB, but more so I want all those people who have let me down in recent years know I hate them. I blame the MH team for refusing referral after referral because I was too high functioning, the police for not dealing with the crime I reported last year, massive failures from them.
Part of me just wants to disappear, CTB and never be found.
I'm at the point of sorting through my personal belongings, donating much of it to the charity shop, and throwing it, trying to make it as easy as possible for my dad who will have to deal with the aftermath, but there truly is no purpose for me to keep living. I'm tired and want peace.
So I introduced myself here today, but in my heart and head I know I am ready to CTB.
It has been too many years of hanging on for the sake of others, and I've had enough.
I obviously want my death to be painless, and OD is my preferred method, I can access a large combination of drugs lethal for suicide.
This last few months have been hell starting with last summer when I was sexually assaulted by a fellow dog walker in a public park. We're not talking a serious sexual assault but one that still had a knock on effect on me. The police failed to do anything they made many mistakes including closing the case without telling me, and basically left me to deal with it on my own.
Months on and my MH just went down hill, I reached breaking point and did something I won't apologise for and don't regret, this time I'm arrested and have been charged with criminal damage and I'm due to appear in court next month. Although there are many reasons this might not reach court due to police errors when I was arrested.
I want to CTB, but more so I want all those people who have let me down in recent years know I hate them. I blame the MH team for refusing referral after referral because I was too high functioning, the police for not dealing with the crime I reported last year, massive failures from them.
Part of me just wants to disappear, CTB and never be found.
I'm at the point of sorting through my personal belongings, donating much of it to the charity shop, and throwing it, trying to make it as easy as possible for my dad who will have to deal with the aftermath, but there truly is no purpose for me to keep living. I'm tired and want peace.
