I don't have that much of a guilty conscience. (maybe enough to talk about it in this thread) If she fixes my love life I don't have to kill myself. But that's really unlikely.
I was in a clinic for acute suicidal people and I gave her the report. I did not mentiond how close I was to killing myself. Next week I will get her reaction to that.
She might reject me immediately. Idk
My main reason to reach out is to increase the chance of preventing my suicide. But maybe more people will experience collateral damage when things go south.
My main reason is I don't want that my loved one's have to cope with my loss. It might kill my parents. But I am beyond my pain limit.
I think therapists are trained with cases like mine. Not seeking out would be a self-fulfiling prophecy imo.
Moreover, I want that responsbility diffusion takes place after my suicide. I want that my parents can blame someone else if I ctb. My mom abused me as a child but has had two strokes in recent years. I witnessed it with the death of my grandad loved one's love to blame doctors. And then they can be mad at my psychiatrist and psychologist. And even the therapists can blame each other. Isn't that great?
I was in a clinic for acute suicidal people and I gave her the report. I did not mentiond how close I was to killing myself. Next week I will get her reaction to that.
She might reject me immediately. Idk
My main reason to reach out is to increase the chance of preventing my suicide. But maybe more people will experience collateral damage when things go south.
My main reason is I don't want that my loved one's have to cope with my loss. It might kill my parents. But I am beyond my pain limit.
I think therapists are trained with cases like mine. Not seeking out would be a self-fulfiling prophecy imo.
Moreover, I want that responsbility diffusion takes place after my suicide. I want that my parents can blame someone else if I ctb. My mom abused me as a child but has had two strokes in recent years. I witnessed it with the death of my grandad loved one's love to blame doctors. And then they can be mad at my psychiatrist and psychologist. And even the therapists can blame each other. Isn't that great?
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