I am proud of myself

[pando12718]

I was really afraid when I started with my journey on suicide. there was a scary hill to go over, a hill I didn't even realize was there, and I believe that there will be many more hills ahead, things like survival instinct, trying to make sure that my setup works. But, I've managed to keep my emotions fairly in check, I am proud of my self for that. I am proud of myself for not lashing out, or freaking out about all this, bit by bit I am finding more comfort in the end of my life. Life offered me meager happiness, it mostly offered me anxiety, inadequacy, loneliness, envy, sadness, pain, suffering, false hopes, delusion and conflict. I think that being human is a curse, it in itself is a mistake. I believe that humanity should not exist. Maybe I would have thought differently if I had better luck in life, but for me, humanity, at the end of the day, is doomed. Death will always come, pain and suffering will always come. happiness and good moments are fleeting. I want to thank you all here for giving me a place to breath in. It's tough to keep this all by myself, not being able to speak to anyone about it, afraid that they might spoil your chances of getting out. I am also grateful that suicide exists, imagine a world where there was no way to take your own life, and you have to die from natural causes or causes that you did not control.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

imagine a world where there was no way to take your own life, and you have to die from natural causes or causes that you did not control.

That's a wild thought I've never see expressed before. I guess there is always something to be thankful for.

anxiety, inadequacy, loneliness, envy, sadness, pain, suffering, false hopes, delusion and conflict.

This very adequately sums up my life, as well, along with those very few fleeting moments of happiness you mention.

But, I've managed to keep my emotions fairly in check, I am proud of my self for that.

Yeah, just keep your eye on the goal of whatever is best for you.

 

[eashanm]

Good Luck with ctb

 

[turkishsweet]

Your instincts exist for a reason. Your body wants you alive.

 

[pando12718]

Your instincts exist for a reason. Your body wants you alive.

of course, you can thank millions of years of evolution for that : ). No one knows why humanity, or any living species was instilled with a default instinct to survive. our earth is truly extraordinary in that sense, where life is trying so hard to keep existing, it really makes you wonder why and how. But, I personally find life a bit of a scam, as you could already sense in my original post, life seems to inherently be about suffering. Hell, we, as a humanity, have come up with a million ways to cope with all of this suffering, look at all of the religions we've created, to cope with the question of why bad things happen. humanity will, and has been a mere blip in the entire existence of this universe, adding to that, the chances of us coming to exist, and on top of that the immense amount of suffering we face each day, it really is one special fucked up cocktail that has been conjured up, this existence of our species.

 

[eashanm]

View attachment received_1017709649364818.webp

This is the best thing I've read all day. Thought I'd share

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it tragic how this human species exists, I see it as being a terrible burden having the ability to be conscious and aware trapped in a decaying flesh prison, only permanent non-existence has ever appealed to me as it's true relief from suffering, I certainly see existing as being something very pointless and hopeless. But anyway best wishes.