I am paralyzed

[SoulofSteel]

I am constantly fighting a battle in my head, part of me constsntly wishes to just disappear yet I just don't think it's time to quit just yet, maybe it will get better of I just hold on longer yet I don't know how much more I can take, I feel like I'm one step away from losing my mind.

I also have shit to do that I just have no power to achieve, mainly keeping up with college. I feel giving myself the willpower to live takes up all my energy that having to deal with anything else is just a further pain the ass, yet since I am waiting for a possibility for things to get better not being able to do anything that could facilitate that in the long run is basically just shooting myself in the leg and extending the suffering, it's pointless.

How do I get up and study or do anything when I'm constantly in this state?

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Try changing your thoughts from must, need, should, have to, and the like to 'I want to' so you don't constantly feel the weight of some external force. I's always your choice. If you don't do the thing, the world will still be around.
Try practicing "I want to go for a walk right now (or gym) to burn off the stress" instead of being stuck here and going for a walk (or gym).