I am on the fucking brink

[hang in there]

I'm sitting on the edge of a hole and losing my grip.
The only thing running through my head over and over has been the sensation of a gun punching a hole into my head and ending my life
Every day just gets worse and worse
I can't fucking take it anymore
Make it stop
I wish god never put me on this earth
I think I will be dead by the end of the week
Just make it fucking stop

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand finding torturous to exist, I just wish to be free from it all as well, I hope that you find the freedom from suffering you search for.

 

[Knoc]

I understand and relate 100%, it only gets worse and worse, i don't have a second of peace.

My hope is that i would snap and use the impulse to finally kms.

 

[hang in there]

I understand and relate 100%, it only gets worse and worse, i don't have a second of peace.

My hope is that i would snap and use the impulse to finally kms.


View attachment 165498

The two times I've snapped before it was a very interesting experience
I'll make the decision I am not going to live another minute longer and my heart races and my hands shake and my face feels hot and I feel this immediate enormous push, the urge to do it as fast as possible because it's the end and everything is over and I need to leave now before it is too late to go
I just go on autopilot and I don't really feel nervous emotionally I just feel this shocking fucking cold and resignation and hope and relief
Sometimes I get that maelstrom of feelings at random points under stress but without any method on hand and I just feel suffocated and like the walls have closed in and there is no way to escape, it's horrific, I panic
So I know when it is time to go. When I feel that burning coldness grip my heart it is time to go.