I am not ashamed to say that work plays a big role in why I am going to CTB

[fallingbehind]

Not at all. Ever since I was small, I lacked ambition. I hated school, I hated break time, I hated every single hobby my parents would make me do. All i liked doing was listening to music and fucking around on my ipad. I am 21 now, and nothing has changed. I am fundamentally wrong. I wasnt born with a will to exist, and I'm supposed to spend my "life" wage slaving, living pay check to pay check? Fuck you.

My father forced me to get an internship whilst Im visiting home (im an international university student) and my suicidal ideation peaked so bad I tried to prematurely kill myself last week. School is annoying, but im able to drift into numbness there. Work on the other hand? Fuck off.

My plan was always to die in my last year of university, but I cannot take a month more of this hell.

 

[weedbrain]

If it gives you any hope at all, it took me until mid twenties before I found a hobby that I actually enjoyed and could stick with for long periods of time. It's not guaranteed, but there's a chance those things could lead to freedom. If anything at all piques your interest or you think something like, "that could be cool to learn," give it a shot. You may even like it so much that it offsets the work shittiness enough to keep you alive while you work towards freedom.

 

[death_bed221]

We are modern slaves. We are not made to be working 40+ hours a week to just survive. Its brainwashing from the elites that don't do shit and using ur guilt

 

[fallingbehind]

We are modern slaves. We are not made to be working 40+ hours a week to just survive. Its brainwashing from the elites that don't do shit and using ur guilt

I cant comprehend how normal people can look me in my face and tell me that the world is hard, work is hard, and everything sucks and then get suprised when we dont want to live. Why do they accept wage-slaving? I dont fucking understand.

 

[Renato]

My father forced me to get an internship whilst Im visiting home (im an international university student) and my suicidal ideation peaked so bad I tried to prematurely kill myself last week. School is annoying, but im able to drift into numbness there. Work on the other hand? Fuck off.

To an extent I can relate to that: even if I have always been ambitious I recognize that I fundamentally lack both discipline and maybe even true interest for things, so I ended up wasting a shameful amount of time doing basically nothing.

Just as a side note, being older than you I can assure that, if you so wish, you can totally find average jobs that are even less demanding than school if you just want to drift into numbness. This is especially true if you can land an office job. Being a wage slave is awful especially for your self esteem but it's not strictly demanding (if you don't willingly join the rat race).

Personally I tied my identity to the idea of being successful sooner or later: the awareness that I will probably stay mediocre for the rest of my life is one of the reasons I'm here, but this doesn't look like your situation.

 

[TAW122]

Throughout most of human existence work was a necessity and that has just evolved as modern civilization progressed and advanced. To your thread, yes I too feel the existential dread of wageslaving and in fact, I was opposed (and still am) to it even before I knew the concept of 'anti-work' or similar things. Even though I currently have a job, I still dread it everytime, but I maintain the facade of things are well on the outside so people don't try to intervene against my will. The only times I've been able to barely tolerate wageslaving is if/when I'm going to go for something I want (usually a cope, a desire) in sentience, but deep down I too, know that wageslaving just sucks and I'm still just biding my time until the right opportunity and moment presents itself and then I can go and finally pull the CTB trigger and escape this hellhole.

 

[hedezev4]

I completely understand you. I tried several times to study at different educational institutions and also tried working. I just can't do it. I skipped school, different educational institutions, and jobs. And now I'm a NEET. If I have to work, I think it would give me enough motivation for CTB. I remember when, after a year of being a NEET, I tried a part-time job for one or two hours from home, and it was unbearable. I remember feeling existential dread about what I had to do.

I tried to understand how other people manage it, but I never figured it out. It feels like they're just built differently.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I cant comprehend how normal people can look me in my face and tell me that the world is hard, work is hard, and everything sucks and then get suprised when we dont want to live.

Yeah... They do this with pretty much everything suicidal people are sad about.

If you're sad about your lack of close relationships then you apparently need to accept that most relationships aren't healthy or permanent.

If you're sad about war and atrocities, then you just need to accept those things have existed since the dawn of time and always will.

How is this supposed to make us want to live? It's just reinforcing the desire to die.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I definitely relate to this, I'm really averse to make any unwanted effort. My twenties have been a succession of failed attempts of completing different study plans because of it, and I'm at the point where I can't continue postponing wage-slaving (I lack valid excuses for it). I can't see myself adapting to 9-5 work, the idea is alien, ridiculous.

 

[XKZyn]

Not at all. Ever since I was small, I lacked ambition. I hated school, I hated break time, I hated every single hobby my parents would make me do. All i liked doing was listening to music and fucking around on my ipad. I am 21 now, and nothing has changed. I am fundamentally wrong. I wasnt born with a will to exist, and I'm supposed to spend my "life" wage slaving, living pay check to pay check? Fuck you.

My father forced me to get an internship whilst Im visiting home (im an international university student) and my suicidal ideation peaked so bad I tried to prematurely kill myself last week. School is annoying, but im able to drift into numbness there. Work on the other hand? Fuck off.

My plan was always to die in my last year of university, but I cannot take a month more of this hell.

Yeah when I realized that this would be my life, work work work just to go home to feeling lonely and tired I just felt a lot of things mainly discontent. I don't want this for the rest of my life, I can relate on the having no ambition part. If anything all my past actions were made to push me towards suicide, making the worst decisions for my future self. And now that future self is still tired but way better at keeping an indifferent state of mind for most things, it's the hopelessness and loneliness that tears me apart. I don't think anything I have to say could comfort you but I hope you get a good night's rest and eat something yummy or filling.

 

[_Gollum_]

Yeah... They do this with pretty much everything suicidal people are sad about.

If you're sad about your lack of close relationships then you apparently need to accept that most relationships aren't healthy or permanent.

If you're sad about war and atrocities, then you just need to accept those things have existed since the dawn of time and always will.

How is this supposed to make us want to live? It's just reinforcing the desire to die.

It's the same when they try to tell us that our feelings of discontentment or suffering are "normal" and you just have to learn to cope/be resilient to it. I don't think they realize that they're just reinforcing our point when they say things like this -- so you admit that life is so bad that the only way to get through it is to grit your teeth and bear it (usually with the aid of drugs/alcohol)? Why should I choose that instead of eternal peace?

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

I cant comprehend how normal people can look me in my face and tell me that the world is hard, work is hard, and everything sucks and then get suprised when we dont want to live. Why do they accept wage-slaving? I dont fucking understand.

Because they've been generationally gaslit by rich people who told them that work will set them free. I've had my fair share of job, some good, some bad, but none of them made me excited to get a paycheck. People really think "work is supposed to be hard" is some kind of gotcha, when all it tells me is they're fine with being slaves. Fuck all that noise, I'd rather be a parasitic NEET, because at least I can do whatever I basically want with my free time.

 

[............]

When my acquaintances would tell me about how SI stops them from catching the bus I always liked to joke "work in retail and you'll get there".

Needless to say I was only half joking. I really do believe that, not only for retail. But money truly rules everything sadly.

 

[cookiencream]

This whole thread encapsulates exactly why I feel like dying. People list out all the things that suck about life, say you can't change it and have to accept it and then are surprised you still wanna die? All I keep hearing is that the problem will never go away, you just have to change yourself so it isn't as bad to you or just straight up ignore it. And it's the way they say it as some form of encouragement. Like "oh you're ideal version of living will never come to pass but eventually you'll learn to settle like the rest of us!!! Huh? That makes you wanna die more?"

 

[fallingbehind]

Because they've been generationally gaslit by rich people who told them that work will set them free. I've had my fair share of job, some good, some bad, but none of them made me excited to get a paycheck. People really think "work is supposed to be hard" is some kind of gotcha, when all it tells me is they're fine with being slaves. Fuck all that noise, I'd rather be a parasitic NEET, because at least I can do whatever I basically want with my free time.

This is exactly it. Rich assholes spouting this shit are demons who want people to wage slave, and many lower class people fall for it believing that someday if they labour really really really hard they can taste 10% of that privilege. Suffering the worst of all just to be able to afford to eat and people unironically think we are meant to live that way.

This whole thread encapsulates exactly why I feel like dying. People list out all the things that suck about life, say you can't change it and have to accept it and then are surprised you still wanna die? All I keep hearing is that the problem will never go away, you just have to change yourself so it isn't as bad to you or just straight up ignore it. And it's the way they say it as some form of encouragement. Like "oh you're ideal version of living will never come to pass but eventually you'll learn to settle like the rest of us!!! Huh? That makes you wanna die more?"

This is why I cant tolerate the platitudes. The most moronic asshole will see all of this and still spout "Erm! suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!" or some other garbage. There is literally no fix to this to this exact problem, unless you find work you actually enjoy, or youre born with ambition. Since Ive got neither, my general choices are: work, neeting, or homelessness. But "thats just life!" is meant to make me want to exist LMFAO

 

[hedezev4]

"Erm! suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!"

For me this phrase sounds the opposite, like an advertisement for CTB, like - "why solve something temporarily if you can solve it forever, so it's the right solution, keep going!" :D

 

[cookiencream]

For me this phrase sounds the opposite, like an advertisement for CTB, like - "why solve something temporarily if you can solve it forever, so it's the right solution, keep going!" :D

It's such a confusing phrase to me like...what's the other way? A temporary solution to a temporary problem? Idk I don't get this phrase

 

[Lyn]

Not at all. Ever since I was small, I lacked ambition. I hated school, I hated break time, I hated every single hobby my parents would make me do. All i liked doing was listening to music and fucking around on my ipad. I am 21 now, and nothing has changed. I am fundamentally wrong. I wasnt born with a will to exist, and I'm supposed to spend my "life" wage slaving, living pay check to pay check? Fuck you.

My father forced me to get an internship whilst Im visiting home (im an international university student) and my suicidal ideation peaked so bad I tried to prematurely kill myself last week. School is annoying, but im able to drift into numbness there. Work on the other hand? Fuck off.

My plan was always to die in my last year of university, but I cannot take a month more of this hell.

Yeah, the system is fucked. It really is.
You're born, they throw you in school before you even know what you are and what you actually want, they tell you to follow rules, compete, smile, plan a future you didn't ask for. Then shove you into work like that's "the reward."

Life becomes bills, pressure, deadlines, fake smiles, burnout.
And all of this only if you are somewhat lucky... Otherwise you become an outcast thrown away to thrive or die.

Society calls it "normal," but it feels like a slow collapse, and if you don't keep up, you're labeled lazy or broken.

You're not the problem.
The system just wasn't made for people to live, just to function. Barely function...
So yeah. It's not just you.
it's the whole damn setup.

 

[quietwoods]

Even with a decent, well-paying job it still makes me want to CTB.

I have no problem contributing to society but spending 2/3 of my week at least doing what other people tell me I have to do and making someone else rich is miserable.

I just want to read, go backpacking, spend time with my niece, play video game with friends, etc.

I don't want to deal with the 10,000,000nth problem I don't care about