Venting i am not a good person

[thelittleprincess]

I genuinely know, without a doubt in my mind, that I am not a good person. I've done shitty things. I think shitty things. I'm an asshole to my mom, who's just trying her best, and I always hate myself for it because I feel like I'm just turning into my dad and there's nothing I can do to stop it. My self-esteem has plummeted since my boyfriend and I broke up. I miss him so much. My best friend told me the other day that I'm really mean and that FUCKED with me because I swear I've spent so much time trying to not be. I can't have kids because I know I'd be abusive. I wish I was in an abusive relationship, I feel like I need to be taught a lesson and just get a grip on life. I keep pushing people away. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I just want it all to end.
I tried reaching out to a friend that I ghosted months ago, I let him believe I killed myself and finally told him that I'm okay and how sorry I am. He hasn't answered, I don't blame him one bit. I fucking hate myself. I swear I keep trying to be a good person, but I wasn't built to be good. I was born into evil and I'll die choking on it.

 

[fruitninjamaster]

I would still care for you, if you except a loving text message once in a blue moon

 

[ipmanwc0]

I think my life has gotten better since I stopped using the words good or bad since they are neither helpful nor meaningful. You are the way you are now presumably because you haven't been treated well by life. You are not to blame because you didn't decide to be this way. Such a person easily hurts others because they are hurt and lonely themselves. Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Only when you heal can you be a "good" person.

 

[m1v]

I think it's too vague to label someone as "bad", people aren't defined only by their worst actions. I believe that good people can still do terrible things, and that what matters is recognizing it & taking responsibility. a person can be good at their core and still be capable of doing terrible things. Don't be too hard on yourself, being aware of your wrongdoings shows that you want to do better, even if you haven't figured out how yet. <3