Story I am new here .... looking to belong and chat with people who understand

[feelinggloomy]

Hi all, I plan to CTB when my 2 pups are gone. For the moment they need me. Two years ago my 22 year old son, the person closes to me in the world CTB with SN (he ordered a kit). I plan to do the same as when I found him he had apparently ordered 2 packets of SN and one was unopened. I have the unopened SN and it has not expired yet. I don't plan to stick around without him, so I will try to do what he did. I joined here to be with others who feel the same and for information. I don't know yet how DM works but I am open to chatting here or via DM with anyone about life, loss, grief, depression, mental illness, failed treatment for depression, SN, CTB .... or whatever. Thanks for reading my post and I look forward to interacting with all of you.

 

[AveMori]

I am sorry about your loss, but you might both be free of suffering soon. I found solace and tons of information here and you will too. Having SN ready, you are already ahead of a lot of people on here, when it comes to getting a dignified way out. I'm happy to give you any information you need and hope you will soon be free of pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find what you search for, best wishes.

 

[set0553]

Hello. Good to meet you! I am sorry to hear about everything that's happened.. also glad to hear that you're doing right by your dogs, as mine are most important to me, and have to think about how they're also affected when we're gone. Not exactly sure how DMS work here, but think newbies have to wait a certain amount of time, til its earned, unless I read it wrong, but always happy to make new friends also. so anytime you wanna talk just give a yell!

 

[ferrie]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing someone that means the world to you is incredibly difficult, and I can only imagine the pain you're going through. I admire you for hanging on for your dogs. I have a dog that is incredibly important to me too, so I always think it's best to make sure any animals are taken care of. You'll unlock dms once you've made more posts, but in the mean time I hope you find some catharsis in browsing the forum

 

[VEROXEM]

I'm sorry for your lose friend.
If you want to talk I'm here to listen.
If it's OK to ask? What was your son like what did he like to do?

 

[lost_ange2211]

This is very sad, I am sorry for your loss.

You will need a certain activity/ post count to unlock DMs, the chat rooms and I think the search feature. You'll notice it as you have more icons on you screen.

There is a lot of info on this forum about different methods including SN, just search around a bit and you'll find what you are looking for. Good luck!

If you want to talk or need someone who listens feel free to dm me once you've unlocked them :)

 

[feelinggloomy]

I'm sorry for your lose friend.
If you want to talk I'm here to listen.
If it's OK to ask? What was your son like what did he like to do?

Hi thanks for asking about my son, he was 22 and passed around x-mas 2 years ago after a long battle with depression and chronic suicidal ideation, he tried every treatment modality and nothing worked. He was amazing and he was my best friend and I am lost without him even though I have a spouse and another child. He loved music, academics, golf, cars, computer keyboards, Smash.... we did most of these things together.

This is very sad, I am sorry for your loss.

You will need a certain activity/ post count to unlock DMs, the chat rooms and I think the search feature. You'll notice it as you have more icons on you screen.

There is a lot of info on this forum about different methods including SN, just search around a bit and you'll find what you are looking for. Good luck!

If you want to talk or need someone who listens feel free to dm me once you've unlocked them :)

Thank you for your kind words and yes when I can DM I would love to talk

I am sorry about your loss, but you might both be free of suffering soon. I found solace and tons of information here and you will too. Having SN ready, you are already ahead of a lot of people on here, when it comes to getting a dignified way out. I'm happy to give you any information you need and hope you will soon be free of pain.

Thanks! I think I know what my son did to CTB, because I know what was found in his system, he apparently ordered some kind of "kit" online, had SN and what else I am not certain. I hope it was pain free and peaceful. He had 2 bags of SN, I have the 2nd one, it is unopened so I assume I can do the same thing that he did when the time comes. I am pretty sure that if it worked for him it will work for me. He was meticulous so I know he researched it because he was outspoken that he was chronically suicidal despite extensive mental health treatment. So I am pretty sure what he ordered and what I have is the real deal.

 

[VEROXEM]

Hi thanks for asking about my son, he was 22 and passed around x-mas 2 years ago after a long battle with depression and chronic suicidal ideation, he tried every treatment modality and nothing worked. He was amazing and he was my best friend and I am lost without him even though I have a spouse and another child. He loved music, academics, golf, cars, computer keyboards, Smash.... we did most of these things together.

Thank you for your kind words and yes when I can DM I would love to talk

Thanks! I think I know what my son did to CTB, because I know what was found in his system, he apparently ordered some kind of "kit" online, had SN and what else I am not certain. I hope it was pain free and peaceful. He had 2 bags of SN, I have the 2nd one, it is unopened so I assume I can do the same thing that he did when the time comes. I am pretty sure that if it worked for him it will work for me. He was meticulous so I know he researched it because he was outspoken that he was chronically suicidal despite extensive mental health treatment. So I am pretty sure what he ordered and what I have is the real deal.

Sounded like a swell young man. The people who aren't deserving of Depression always get it...

 

[feelinggloomy]

Sounded like a swell young man. The people who aren't deserving of Depression always get it...

Yeah isn't that the truth, he was a great man and had great plans for the future, planned to be a pediatrician, but his mind went a couple of years into college, but he graduated and was on his way to achieving his goals. But he could not shake the chronic suicidal thoughts, even though he underwent extensive mental health treatment. It was brutal to watch his decline, the trauma of his illness and passing is something that I will not get over. So...CTB seems to be the most viable option

 

[AveMori]

Hi thanks for asking about my son, he was 22 and passed around x-mas 2 years ago after a long battle with depression and chronic suicidal ideation, he tried every treatment modality and nothing worked. He was amazing and he was my best friend and I am lost without him even though I have a spouse and another child. He loved music, academics, golf, cars, computer keyboards, Smash.... we did most of these things together.

Thank you for your kind words and yes when I can DM I would love to talk

Thanks! I think I know what my son did to CTB, because I know what was found in his system, he apparently ordered some kind of "kit" online, had SN and what else I am not certain. I hope it was pain free and peaceful. He had 2 bags of SN, I have the 2nd one, it is unopened so I assume I can do the same thing that he did when the time comes. I am pretty sure that if it worked for him it will work for me. He was meticulous so I know he researched it because he was outspoken that he was chronically suicidal despite extensive mental health treatment. So I am pretty sure what he ordered and what I have is the real deal.

You and your son sound like pretty smart and cordial people, I am sorry you both went through all that suffering. Have you found the Stan's guide on how to use SN already?

 

[LaughingGoat]

Being new, just linking the SN thread in case you didn't see it in the resources. It's got some good introductory info.

SN megathread

This post will be dedicated to compiling all the information we have on the Sodium Nitrite method (SN), including what else is needed and comparing it to other popular methods. Before starting, I HIGHLY encourage you read most, if not all, of the chapters on the PPH, as this method may not be...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[feelinggloomy]

You and your son sound like pretty smart and cordial people, I am sorry you both went through all that suffering. Have you found the Stan's guide on how to use SN already?

No I have not found the guide but I have read the PPH but I was not aware of the guide

Being new, just linking the SN thread in case you didn't see it in the resources. It's got some good introductory info.

SN megathread

This post will be dedicated to compiling all the information we have on the Sodium Nitrite method (SN), including what else is needed and comparing it to other popular methods. Before starting, I HIGHLY encourage you read most, if not all, of the chapters on the PPH, as this method may not be...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thank you, I will take any resources I can get

 

[theboy]

Hi!

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Hi all, I plan to CTB when my 2 pups are gone. For the moment they need me. Two years ago my 22 year old son, the person closes to me in the world CTB with SN (he ordered a kit). I plan to do the same as when I found him he had apparently ordered 2 packets of SN and one was unopened. I have the unopened SN and it has not expired yet. I don't plan to stick around without him, so I will try to do what he did. I joined here to be with others who feel the same and for information. I don't know yet how DM works but I am open to chatting here or via DM with anyone about life, loss, grief, depression, mental illness, failed treatment for depression, SN, CTB .... or whatever. Thanks for reading my post and I look forward to interacting with all of you.

Ooh, pick me! I love meeting new people.

 

[AveMori]

No I have not found the guide but I have read the PPH but I was not aware of the guide

Thank you, I will take any resources I can get

Stan's Guide to SN.

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document has been designed to give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it works and how to use it. It will use the most simplest way of delivering this information as many members do not have English as their first language. Therefore using...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Here's the guide! I am always happy to help, if any questions come up.

 

[feelinggloomy]

Hi!

Hi … it's nice to be here

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome to the forum!

 

[feelinggloomy]

I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome to the forum!

Appreciate it. Already feel less alone

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

if you don't mind me asking, what made you realise your son's suicide wasn't the fault of this forum unlike the other parents who do everything in their power to attack SaSu/SN sellers due to their child's passing?

 

[feliksy magaliNé]

i'm so sorry for your loss, you and your son sound like great people :)
i'm new to this forum so i might not be able to help as much method wise, but i can lend you a listening ear if you'd like to talk about anything
it's good to hear that your pets bring you solace at least, as they say they can often be better companions than most people
i hope you can find solace through your plans and through us here on the forum ^_^

 

[feelinggloomy]

if you don't mind me asking, what made you realise your son's suicide wasn't the fault of this forum unlike the other parents who do everything in their power to attack SaSu/SN sellers due to their child's passing?

My son was chronically suicidal and routinely told me it was not if it was when. I tried to help him and he tried everything that was available… twice …. To no avail. I watched him in terrible emotional pain 24/7 and he was very clear he wanted to end his pain. Not necessarily his life but his pain. I am grateful that he was able to peacefully pass and I blame no one but myself as I was his mom and he was my responsibility and it was my responsibility to keep him safe. And I failed. I am to blame and I hope that he was comfortated by someone on this forum. In fact I pray that he was and that he found people who cared like I did and who listened. Perhaps someone even was there with him in the end … I wasn't because I would have intervened. So I hope he had someone to "hold his hand".

i'm so sorry for your loss, you and your son sound like great people :)
i'm new to this forum so i might not be able to help as much method wise, but i can lend you a listening ear if you'd like to talk about anything
it's good to hear that your pets bring you solace at least, as they say they can often be better companions than most people
i hope you can find solace through your plans and through us here on the forum ^_^

Thank you. I feel less alone in the world now that I'm communicating with all of you.

 

[Monique696]

My son was chronically suicidal and routinely told me it was not if it was when. I tried to help him and he tried everything that was available… twice …. To no avail. I watched him in terrible emotional pain 24/7 and he was very clear he wanted to end his pain. Not necessarily his life but his pain. I am grateful that he was able to peacefully pass and I blame no one but myself as I was his mom and he was my responsibility and it was my responsibility to keep him safe. And I failed. I am to blame and I hope that he was comfortated by someone on this forum. In fact I pray that he was and that he found people who cared like I did and who listened. Perhaps someone even was there with him in the end … I wasn't because I would have intervened. So I hope he had someone to "hold his hand".

Thank you. I feel less alone in the world now that I'm communicating with all of you.

You are very strong. I'm sorry for your loss.
There is this post from some other user here who tested 2gr of sn and he documented everything including what happened in the hospital. I will look for it and send it to you.
He experienced just some nausea as far as I remember and he made a full recovery. I know it won't help with the pain but at least from others experiences you can feel relieved that your son had very little discomfort until the end.
Some drank it and just passed out and got saved in cars, others told before they fell unconscious and got the antidote. Methylene blue or so but I am not sure on the name.
Either way it seems to work painlessly except for some throat pain at times and some nausea. Some have described a slight headache.
I hope this helps. Sending you love and strength from Germany.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Hi all, I plan to CTB when my 2 pups are gone. For the moment they need me. Two years ago my 22 year old son, the person closes to me in the world CTB with SN (he ordered a kit). I plan to do the same as when I found him he had apparently ordered 2 packets of SN and one was unopened. I have the unopened SN and it has not expired yet. I don't plan to stick around without him, so I will try to do what he did. I joined here to be with others who feel the same and for information. I don't know yet how DM works but I am open to chatting here or via DM with anyone about life, loss, grief, depression, mental illness, failed treatment for depression, SN, CTB .... or whatever. Thanks for reading my post and I look forward to interacting with all of you.

Love to you. I have found most people here to be kind and they won't judge. I hate the term 'safe space' but it's good to be able to talk without feeling like a Debbie Downer.
Sounds like you've been through some heavy shit. I hope you find what you are looking for on this site whatever that may be xx

 

[feelinggloomy]

You are very strong. I'm sorry for your loss.
There is this post from some other user here who tested 2gr of sn and he documented everything including what happened in the hospital. I will look for it and send it to you.
He experienced just some nausea as far as I remember and he made a full recovery. I know it won't help with the pain but at least from others experiences you can feel relieved that your son had very little discomfort until the end.
Some drank it and just passed out and got saved in cars, others told before they fell unconscious and got the antidote. Methylene blue or so but I am not sure on the name.
Either way it seems to work painlessly except for some throat pain at times and some nausea. Some have described a slight headache.
I hope this helps. Sending you love and strength from Germany.

Thanks I would appreciate that it would be helpful to read about that experience

 

[divinemistress36]

@karmaisabitch maybe you two can help support each other

 

[karmaisabitch]

Thank you my friend! Like always, you're the best @divinemistress36

Hi all, I plan to CTB when my 2 pups are gone. For the moment they need me. Two years ago my 22 year old son, the person closes to me in the world CTB with SN (he ordered a kit). I plan to do the same as when I found him he had apparently ordered 2 packets of SN and one was unopened. I have the unopened SN and it has not expired yet. I don't plan to stick around without him, so I will try to do what he did. I joined here to be with others who feel the same and for information. I don't know yet how DM works but I am open to chatting here or via DM with anyone about life, loss, grief, depression, mental illness, failed treatment for depression, SN, CTB .... or whatever. Thanks for reading my post and I look forward to interacting with all of you.

I'm so sorry you have to experience such a painful loss.. It's hard to live without your son! I know I can't live without my 15 years old who was killed by his friends. I'm planning on kms once I find the right method. None understands the pain of losing a child but those who experienced it and also depends on the parent. My friend lost her child after mine and she's already on vacation so not every mother is a mother too.. I feel like I'm jumping from topic to topic-still not myself as I tried to overdose the other day.. please let me know if you need anything!

 

[Monique696]

Thanks I would appreciate that it would be helpful to read about that experience

Already sent it a while ago. Please check your messages and you will find it

 

[feelinggloomy]

Thank you my friend! Like always, you're the best @divinemistress36

I'm so sorry you have to experience such a painful loss.. It's hard to live without your son! I know I can't live without my 15 years old who was killed by his friends. I'm planning on kms once I find the right method. None understands the pain of losing a child but those who experienced it and also depends on the parent. My friend lost her child after mine and she's already on vacation so not every mother is a mother too.. I feel like I'm jumping from topic to topic-still not myself as I tried to overdose the other day.. please let me know if you need anything!

I understand what it feels like to not want to live without your son. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. It is life changing and for me … I'll never be the same. I'm waiting because I have 2 pups that he loved and so do I. Then I'm out. I'm here if you want to chat and once I can DM feel free. The joy has drained from my life and yes it is odd sometimes to watch people move forward. But to each their own. I feel as though everything is gone from my life and I'm am just in a holding pattern until I go. Thanks for reaching out I don't really have anyone who understands what this feels like.

 

[frost_]

Hi feelinggloomy, I'm new here as well, seeing your post was actually one of the reasons I signed up for an account.

I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what you've went through and that I hope both that you can find some peace and self discovery in talking with people on here, in one of the few safe spaces in the corners of the Internet, but also find the right information to help you with your journey and choices when that time comes.