Help I am just a shell of my former self...

[LifeIsRekt]

Has anyone else been through a break up and slowly began to lose touch with your friends, only to be left feeling unlovable and soulless? I use to be the guy people came to for advice and uplifting motivation/inspiration. I would meet strangers and have all kinds of positive things I would want to compliment them on within seconds of meeting them. I would find great things to say to even the most toxic of people but now that is gone. My last breakup and several recent pitfalls with women has honestly made me borderline asexual and I find it hard to communicate with women even when they are being flirtatious and sweet. I hate to sound like a doomer but it's like my personality has been flipped upside down due to loss of faith in people and instead of being white pilled, I'm now a giant high-dosage black pill. I refuse to go out and make new friends even when given invitations and opportunities to do so as I feel the attitude I carry now is horrible and I don't want to bring that onto anyone. The previous version of myself I described was no act either. I wasn't depressed or suicidal and could always see the light at the end of the tunnel in myself and others around me. That guy is dead and I'm afraid their is no bringing him back. I want so badly to be that man again but I fear it will all come crumbling down again and put me in a worse place than I am now. Any advice to help me feel whole again is greatly appreciated, or even some reassurance that I'm not alone would do wonders. I love this community and all of you beautiful people!

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia and I can relate. I guess anything could happen in life, including any type of bad things/situations.

 

[sadwife]

I can relate too. I married the guy who I thought was my soulmate. We were so happy for years, but now he's being really emotionally abusive towards me. I feel so unloved in this world. My parents always put me secondary to alcohol and now my husband barely interacts with me. Throw in my agoraphobia and possible complex PTSD into the mix and it's no surprise I am the way I am. I made an attempt at my life last month because of how blackpilled about life I've become.

 

[timf]

It is natural to retreat after being hurt. Healing can take time. The scars of experience can make it difficult to resume life where one was.

There can be advantages to being driven into a deeper reality. One can more readily avoid some of the pitfalls that await those more superficial. While fewer connections can be made, those that are tend to be more sincere and less likely to unravel.

 

[Hollowillow]

Has anyone else been through a break up and slowly began to lose touch with your friends, only to be left feeling unlovable and soulless? I use to be the guy people came to for advice and uplifting motivation/inspiration. I would meet strangers and have all kinds of positive things I would want to compliment them on within seconds of meeting them. I would find great things to say to even the most toxic of people but now that is gone. My last breakup and several recent pitfalls with women has honestly made me borderline asexual and I find it hard to communicate with women even when they are being flirtatious and sweet. I hate to sound like a doomer but it's like my personality has been flipped upside down due to loss of faith in people and instead of being white pilled, I'm now a giant high-dosage black pill. I refuse to go out and make new friends even when given invitations and opportunities to do so as I feel the attitude I carry now is horrible and I don't want to bring that onto anyone. The previous version of myself I described was no act either. I wasn't depressed or suicidal and could always see the light at the end of the tunnel in myself and others around me. That guy is dead and I'm afraid their is no bringing him back. I want so badly to be that man again but I fear it will all come crumbling down again and put me in a worse place than I am now. Any advice to help me feel whole again is greatly appreciated, or even some reassurance that I'm not alone would do wonders. I love this community and all of you beautiful people!

Grief is exhausting. I think it's very SI to withdraw alone to lick your wounds before risking more. I focussed on recovery. Adrenal fatigue gave me great tips. Rest & nutrition. C, b, magnesium.

It used to work until I got beaten, hit by a car, & poisonned everything I own by using too much of a acid cleaner chemical...

I think you can heal. I think you are facing a normal inner death & rebirth. I think you'll never be the same but might end up knowing what you want more & closer to yourself.

I think your pain is a natural part of life & you can heal from this burnout, or at least enjoy a calmer solitary peaceful life

I called myself asexual before. Been abused.

If I wasn't in constant pain & ashamed that it's my fault & unable to fix it... Maybe I'd wait for my natural death. If you want out, I understand, my wings are burned too.

 

[Celerity]

I am definitely a different cat than I was when I was younger. I used to view this change as a bad thing, but I think I am more grounded, less impulsive, and more stable than I was. A lot of the things I used to care so much about are wastes of time. For someone who wants to die, I actually hate wasting time, lol.

 

[Night_Crew]

I broke up with my long-term gf almost 3 years ago now. This alone (the time I have remained affected for) is something I feel chronically embarrassed about. I started to deteriorate gradually, then suddenly. I used to consider myself to be somewhat intelligent (my only redeeming characteristic), but have not been able to enjoy things I once did (reading, writing and playing video games) since the event. In fact, I have not touched a book, game or engaged in anything that once, in some way(s), defined who I am. There is something blocking me from everything and everyone, which is in part due to chronic shame/guilt as a result of engaging with a long (and still active) cycle of destruction.

I have no friends whatsoever (even online), and I cannot comprehend a way back to where I once was. I've deteriorated physically and mentally, and am developing a realisation that there is no way back for me.

I can only offer a sense of solidarity with you, through a familiarity with some of the struggles you have relayed.

I hope one of us gets a lucky break at some point.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

sometimes it can help to just treat oneself good. sort of mothering oneself....take time off, rest, eat all the things you like and do all the things that make you feel good. healing can happen in an instant sometimes or it takes a while. we are all different. hugs

 

[Zegers]

Most people are not very nice in my opinion, they are shallow, they exclude you, they make fun of you, they insult you, even they feel superior to you if you are in problems. Too many bad experiences turns anyone into a blackpiller.

 

[Ash’Girl]

In my case it wasn't a break up, but my partner died. I can't seem to find any motivation to engage with anyone or anything anymore.

Significant grief and loss changes you. I think often it's a case of having tasted what it's like to feel happy, really happy and connected, and when that's gone in whatever capacity there's a void left behind that seems impossibly hard and oftimes pointless to try to fill.

What for? More pain in the ending? Sometimes it feels easier to shut myself away and never allow closeness, because some losses hurt so deeply.

I wasn't like this for prolonged periods in past break ups, but then they were not the one that fit me as he did.