I am giving up, the pain is too much for me to handle

[nitrogenous]

I always have the thoughts that hope is just a mere concept. It's not real, at least for me, and if any would always lead to disappointment and betrayal. I have given up, I don't think I can keep on going anymore. I have the SN, but not the meto as it also got lost while being shipped and not enough benzos. Besides, I always thought 50 diazepam is way too much... What has stopped me from attempting is the false hope that life will get better, that things will work out, even though it clearly hasn't been the case at all. If any, the longer I live, the more people dismiss my problems and think that I am just seeking for attention. I am also afraid of failure, I can't afford to fail my next act as I have also seen how DSL has been quite compromised nowadays. What did I do to deserve this pain? Why me?