Help I am fully frecking out, I need help

[lost_one]

So I scremed into my pillow so much that I don't know if still have a voice, I tried reasoning and got stuck at not being able to find a reason to stay alive, a reason that I want to stay alive for. Why is dying so hard, I am supposed to go grab the Nitrogen tank in 1 hour. But there is a voice in my head that is telling me don't do it unless you are sure you want to die, cause it costs 2000 bucks ( Reais) and that is half of all the money in my savings account. Thinking rationally I can't find a reason not to kill myself, then why do I hesitate, why have I been asking for help all week in this place... My house is a mess, cause my sister is out of town... I know perfect timming to kill myself. Everything just sort of fits as if the uiverse is saying, now is the time. Should I call my useless therapist? She is all I have. I keep having mood swings, between numb, angry, sad. I don't think there is anything anyone can say to console me. IDK I have this stupid indecision. I hate myself so much. I want to scream still. IDK what to do can someone help

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Not sure I can help you calm down, but I will say if you're that ambiguous about CTB, don't do it. There's a chance you might botch the procedure and/or change your mind halfway through. Neither are good scenarios. Talk to someone. Hell, talk in chat if need be. Just don't do anything spontaneously you might regret.

 

[Norseman]

What exactly made you suicidal? Id like to talk to you. I plan to kill myself in the end of this year but not right now.

 

[lost_one]

What exactly made you suicidal? Id like to talk to you. I plan to kill myself in the end of this year but not right now.

Life, I hate myself, guilt regret, chronic pain, I am tired, and I don't know how to livel although I don't think I can be rational right now I am freaking out too much, idk maybe read my other posts there are like 12 of them from the last rwo days alone... Also I alwya feel like I am bothering people and annoying them being useless and indesive

What exactly made you suicidal? Id like to talk to you. I plan to kill myself in the end of this year but not right now.

Also I feel like I am too fucked up

 

[Norseman]

Life, I hate myself, guilt regret, chronic pain, I am tired, and I don't know how to livel although I don't think I can be rational right now I am freaking out too much, idk maybe read my other posts there are like 12 of them from the last rwo days alone... Also I alwya feel like I am bothering people and annoying them being useless and indesive

Also I feel like I am too fucked up

I also have chronic back pain for last 2-3 years. One thing i can say is that hating yourself is not worth it. Usually people who hate themselves are the only decent people. You should rather hate the normies.

Feeling annoying and useless... I felt that too, but now i just dont care. I mostly think about how i fully wasted all my potential, and how my basic human needs have never been met because im not a normie.

Btw, have you ever had a girlfriend?

 

[lost_one]

I also have chronic back pain for last 2-3 years. One thing i can say is that hating yourself is not worth it. Usually people who hate themselves are the only decent people. You should rather hate the normies.

Feeling annoying and useless... I felt that too, but now i just dont care. I mostly think about how i fully wasted all my potential, and how my basic human needs have never been met because im not a normie.

Btw, have you ever had a girlfriend?

I am a woman, but I am a lesbian, but no. No girlfriend, never had one, never had friends either

 

[Norseman]

I am a woman, but I am a lesbian, but no. No girlfriend, never had one, never had friends either

Oh. I thought your a man, because according to the statistics, the absolute majority of people who commit suicide are man. Also your writing style is like your a man.

I wish i was a woman too. Woman dont have to be dominant and brave in order to live a normal life. I have never ever touched a person of the opposite gender except for my mother. This is the main reason why i want to kill myself, and the reason why i have never felt any touch at all is that im very autistic. I can barely speak IRL.

 

[lost_one]

Oh. I thought your a man, because according to the statistics, the absolute majority of people who commit suicide are man. Also your writing style is like your a man.

I wish i was a woman too. Woman dont have to be dominant and brave in order to live a normal life. I have never ever touched a person of the opposite gender except for my mother. This is the main reason why i want to kill myself, and the reason why i have never felt any touch at all is that im very autistic. I can barely speak IRL.

How old are you? I am 26. I agree I don't need to be dominant, but being alone I do need to be brave. I t looks like you have social anxiety and low self esteem. I have them too, I am just mostly very depressed and hate myself for being a useles waste of space. and uncapable of change for some fucking reason, it doesn't matter how low I sink It's neve deep enough for me to think, hey makybe work on not being a useless piece of shit

 

[Norseman]

How old are you? I am 26. I agree I don't need to be dominant, but being alone I do need to be brave. I t looks like you have social anxiety and low self esteem. I have them too, I am just mostly very depressed and hate myself for being a useles waste of space. and uncapable of change for some fucking reason, it doesn't matter how low I sink It's neve deep enough for me to think, hey makybe work on not being a useless piece of shit

Im 21 years old. I have bad social anxiety because of aspergers syndrom. I simply dont understand why NTs act the way they do. Their way of thinking feels completely not logical and alien for me, and i have no idea how to interact with them.

But when i said you dont have to be brave, i meant that if you are a woman, other people will constantly approach you, and you dont have to do anything for that. Everyone will try to get closer to you just because you are a woman, so you will never be alone.

I dont hate myself, i just have a really hard life without anything good in it, so i want to end it.

 

[lost_one]

Im 21 years old. I have bad social anxiety because of aspergers syndrom. I simply dont understand why NTs act the way they do. Their way of thinking feels completely not logical and alien for me, and i have no idea how to interact with them.

But when i said you dont have to be brave, i meant that if you are a woman, other people will constantly approach you, and you dont have to do anything for that. Everyone will try to get closer to you just because you are a woman, so you will never be alone.

I dont hate myself, i just have a really hard life without anything good in it, so i want to end it.

Men would, is I was straight... and honeslty in like only 4 have, but I am not straight and the second they realize they arent getting laid tehy leave. Girls don't approach me. I have been told many times that I look scary and weird. As a lesbian if I want a girlfriend I very much need to get up and approach girls. Also I have been alone my whole life. Like I said zero friends. My family is shit.

 

[platypus77]

I am supposed to go grab the Nitrogen tank in 1 hour. But there is a voice in my head that is telling me don't do it unless you are sure you want to die, cause it costs 2000 bucks ( Reais) and that is half of all the money in my savings account.

Don't do things out of impulse if it will cause you financial struggle, if you fail you'll end up feeling much worse.