Venting I AM FUCKING BROKEN...

[33K1LLM3]

When I found this site, I was fucking relieved, I could find the help and support I had been craving for years...
7 years of complete hell, I am a captive in my own life, chained to the wall, huddled up in a corner...
Then I saw that Ofcom was investigating, that was the first time I was broken...
I shook in fear, I couldn't sleep, I cried all night fearing I was tracked down and taken away...
My stupid paranoia got to me again...
Then I got my breath back, even though I was too scared to sign up, I still looked through all the pages I could find...
The comfort I felt knowing my life was mine and I could take control of it...
I spent weeks trying to find a vpn that my computer would accept, no luck...
But I was patient and hopeful...
Maybe one day I will find a vpn and I will be able to sin up, after all it's not illegal for a pathetic 19 year old slut to believe that one has power their life...
I was wrong...
Today came...
I was fucking devasted...
It was happening...
And there is no way for me to access you until I leave the country...
Thats in 1 1/2 months...
You gave me all the support I needed and now your going away...
So after my breakdown, I sign up, my paranoia isn't taking control anymore, I have free will...
I am broken knowing your leaving and I don't know how I'll access you...
All I know is that I love you and until you go I'll spend my time with you...
Thank you so much SaSu for giving me hope, thank you for being my emotional support when I never had it...
Even though your not leaving today, I will 100% miss u...
As soon as I get my life back, Ill be with you, it may be only 5 days, it may be permanent...
All I can say is I love you though, and as someone who is unfortunately from the UK, FUCK OFCOM, FUCK THE PRO LIFERS, FUCK THOSE WHO WISH TO CONTROL ME AND SO MANY OTHERS BODIES...
Bye bye, we will all be missing u...
I am fucking broken without you...

Sorry if that seemed a bit pathetic, I am very emotional rn, this was not a poem, this was a collection of my erratic thoughts, hope everyone in the UK is doing ok though, hope it works out for you all in the end, and to everyone else on here may I wish you all a safe viewing of this site, may I wish that this situation never happens to you...

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

It doesn't seem pathetic. I completely understand what you're feeling. I'm sad about that. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

 

[bankai]

Sure but also don't forget you can use a VPN to access the site after July 1st.

 

[33K1LLM3]

Sure but also don't forget you can use a VPN to access the site after July 1st.

I really wish that was easy for me but every time I try and download a vpn, my computer just blocks it, this has been a nightmare particularly with proton, I have tried so hard to download it but my computer just blocks it and gives me the same message of how it's unsafe to download, I don't know how to fix it or if I can. As with trying to download it on my phone, my phone is too old, and I don't have the money. Thanks for trying to be helpful though, ig I'll just have to wait though…

 

[bankai]

I really wish that was easy for me but every time I try and download a vpn, my computer just blocks it, this has been a nightmare particularly with proton, I have tried so hard to download it but my computer just blocks it and gives me the same message of how it's unsafe to download, I don't know how to fix it or if I can. As with trying to download it on my phone, my phone is too old, and I don't have the money. Thanks for trying to be helpful though, ig I'll just have to wait though…

Oh that's just the default browser setting where it won't let you download anything if it deems unsafe,you need to click the download anyway.which browser you using?

 

[33K1LLM3]

Oh that's just the default browser setting where it won't let you download anything if it deems unsafe,you need to click the download anyway.which browser you using?

That wasn't the issue, it was more to do with a Download blocker that I didn't realise was on. Anyway got the vpn now, thank god. Thanks for the help though <3

 

[bankai]

That wasn't the issue, it was more to do with a Download blocker that I didn't realise was on. Anyway got the vpn now, thank god. Thanks for the help though <3

UBlock origin gave me a bit of trouble as well.


Well, there you go. Please don't lament about any of this in the future. I mean, post as much as you want, of course. But don't feel grief over stuff like this. It's beyond our control and it's beyond the site's control as well. They're going to have to circumvent stuff because of what governments are doing in their respective countries I Suppose

I'm looking forward to hear your thoughts in the future on the forum

 

[painfully]

Use Tor Browser. Search for it in Google, I cant post links.

There is also Epic Privacy Browser with an in built VPN, but its slow.
If you use this last one, remember to click on the extension on the top right to enable the VPN. But again, its slow.

Im not sure what you mean by your computer blocking the VPN. VPNs are a paid service usually. There are some free ones, but they are slow.

I didnt understand very well your post. It says that you registered yesterday, how come SaSu has been a support? I suppose that you read it before registering... I ask because to me, reading other people doenst help me... In fact, sometimes they are so bad that they make me even sadder...

 

[bankai]

didnt understand very well your post. It says that you registered yesterday, how come SaSu has been a support? I suppose that you read it before registering... I ask because to me, reading other people doenst help me... In fact, sometimes they are so bad that they make me even sadder...

Yeah, I suppose they've been a lurker for some time. I have the same issue as well. Some of the posts make me feel numb and sad.

 

[33K1LLM3]

Use Tor Browser. Search for it in Google, I cant post links.

There is also Epic Privacy Browser with an in built VPN, but its slow.
If you use this last one, remember to click on the extension on the top left to enable the VPN. But again, its slow.

Im not sure what you mean by your computer blocking the VPN. VPNs are a paid service usually. There are some free ones, but they are slow.

I didnt understand very well your post. It says that you registered yesterday, how come SaSu has been a support? I suppose that you read it before registering... I ask because to me, reading other people doenst help me... In fact, sometimes they are so bad that they make me even sadder...

I found out what the issue was dw. But I have been reading this site since April, and it's given me comfort over the past few months knowing that I can take control of my life, I can die without the fear of pain, I have been wanting to register since I found the forum, however I was too paranoid to sign up, until yesterday and I was like fuck it, I'm signing up. I was just a bit emotional, cause I didn't want to lose the site, so I was just writing down what I thought cause that was all that was on my mind. Ofc I am fine now, I'm not worrying, I still have paranoia and genuine fear of losing something, but I mostly know how to control that. Honestly I feel for you though, we all find in different ways. You don't have to force yourself to read stuff, but if you want to tahts ur choice. I wish the best for you and sorry about the mess I wrote

 

[bankai]

sorry about the mess I wrote

Everything you wrote made sense. You poured your heart out. It's fine