nightmare-receiver
in the trenches
- Jun 7, 2026
- 30
Like many Americans, I took out student loans and now I'm completely fucked. I didn't even feel like I took out that much, especially compared to others, but now somehow I owe around a thousand dollars a month. I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to swing that. The idea of even having to make that much money plus however much to survive scares the shit out of me. I'm so unbelievably depressed and mentally ill that I couldn't work all summer, and I'm grateful for the "break" but my loans are due next month and now I have no other choice. I'll probably even have to get a second job even just to pay the loan, and I know I won't be able to handle it. In addition to all that bullshit, the only way I can see myself ever feeling better is if I get out of my small town and away from my rapist. That feels completely impossible with the amount of money I'm going to owe monthly.
Aside from that looming threat, I feel like I've been doing slightly better recently. I found better meds, and while things aren't great or even good most of the time, emotionally I'm not doing as poorly as I have been. But if I can't figure this out my only option is to CTB. My parents cosigned, and I can't screw them financially or tank their credit. I spoke to the company that provided the loan, and my family won't be stuck with the debt once I do it. It's just so upsetting and frustrating that even though I finally kind of want to live for the first time in forever, I've run out of options.
I don't even know what the point is of typing all of this out. Does anyone have any clue at all what I could possibly do to get out of this? Or how to deal with working myself to death? I genuinely don't think I'll be able to do any of this. I feel like even if I try to pay it off the way it is, I have a few months left before all the stress catches up to me. It sucks to feel like your time to live is running out while being unable to tell anyone about it. So thanks for listening I guess.
I didn't know which forum to put this in, but I figured since I've already made up my mind to CTB unless I experience a miracle it belongs here most.
Aside from that looming threat, I feel like I've been doing slightly better recently. I found better meds, and while things aren't great or even good most of the time, emotionally I'm not doing as poorly as I have been. But if I can't figure this out my only option is to CTB. My parents cosigned, and I can't screw them financially or tank their credit. I spoke to the company that provided the loan, and my family won't be stuck with the debt once I do it. It's just so upsetting and frustrating that even though I finally kind of want to live for the first time in forever, I've run out of options.
I don't even know what the point is of typing all of this out. Does anyone have any clue at all what I could possibly do to get out of this? Or how to deal with working myself to death? I genuinely don't think I'll be able to do any of this. I feel like even if I try to pay it off the way it is, I have a few months left before all the stress catches up to me. It sucks to feel like your time to live is running out while being unable to tell anyone about it. So thanks for listening I guess.
I didn't know which forum to put this in, but I figured since I've already made up my mind to CTB unless I experience a miracle it belongs here most.
