woofwag
Bad dog
- Sep 17, 2025
- 193
I have been set on CBT'ing for months. But regardless, I have still felt some brief moments where I had a tiny bit of hope. And a bit of dismay at feeling like I need/want to. I felt as though occasionally, that I might change my mind. That all changed today.
I visited my friend who I haven't seen in months. My friend who I'm in love with, and have been for years (they know this). We both shared some extremely personal traumatic events with one another. I cannot mention what they are here, especially for them. They told me that I am the only person they will ever share it with. That other than me, they will take it to their grave. I've known ever since I met them that they are deeply traumatized. But the things they endured, the things they were forced to do, it was things that should have completely broken someone. And it didn't break them. They are genuinely, without a doubt, the strongest person I know.
I told them I would die with their secret. That to the best of my ability, I would kill some of their pain. They know I am going to CBT. They've known for a while, and although they don't want me to die, they understand why I have to. They won't try to stop me. And now, I can make my death something actually useful for someone for once. It will hurt them, of course it will. But I know it will not break them. Nothing can break them. They know this too, and told me as such.
We have the most special bond I have ever experienced with another person. We both hurt each other a lot. But there is nothing left that either of us could do to hurt the other. We are both systems, and introjected one another. I used to think that the only way I could experience true intimacy was through sex. But we broke the physical barrier. We are soul bonded. We forgive each other for everything. They will still have me there after I'm gone. I can't ever be gone from them. And now, despite the pain we did cause each other, I will take what I can kill of their trauma, fear, and self-loathing. I will die with it. Their secret is safe through death.
I know you're probably reading this, since I'm going to give you access to all of my passwords and writing. So, know that I love you. Know that I am finally at peace. Know that you have relieved so, so much of my pain. I love you so much. There's no other poetic way to say it. I am forever your dog
And when I die, I'll play fetch with the ball that is the big round globe of Earth. Because I will always, always bring you the world, as much as I can possibly muster. I love you for forever.
I visited my friend who I haven't seen in months. My friend who I'm in love with, and have been for years (they know this). We both shared some extremely personal traumatic events with one another. I cannot mention what they are here, especially for them. They told me that I am the only person they will ever share it with. That other than me, they will take it to their grave. I've known ever since I met them that they are deeply traumatized. But the things they endured, the things they were forced to do, it was things that should have completely broken someone. And it didn't break them. They are genuinely, without a doubt, the strongest person I know.
I told them I would die with their secret. That to the best of my ability, I would kill some of their pain. They know I am going to CBT. They've known for a while, and although they don't want me to die, they understand why I have to. They won't try to stop me. And now, I can make my death something actually useful for someone for once. It will hurt them, of course it will. But I know it will not break them. Nothing can break them. They know this too, and told me as such.
We have the most special bond I have ever experienced with another person. We both hurt each other a lot. But there is nothing left that either of us could do to hurt the other. We are both systems, and introjected one another. I used to think that the only way I could experience true intimacy was through sex. But we broke the physical barrier. We are soul bonded. We forgive each other for everything. They will still have me there after I'm gone. I can't ever be gone from them. And now, despite the pain we did cause each other, I will take what I can kill of their trauma, fear, and self-loathing. I will die with it. Their secret is safe through death.
I know you're probably reading this, since I'm going to give you access to all of my passwords and writing. So, know that I love you. Know that I am finally at peace. Know that you have relieved so, so much of my pain. I love you so much. There's no other poetic way to say it. I am forever your dog
And when I die, I'll play fetch with the ball that is the big round globe of Earth. Because I will always, always bring you the world, as much as I can possibly muster. I love you for forever.
