I am a zoophile

[yearsoflonliness]

Shit.

Well, here goes.

Yes, I am a zoophile. Yes, it's one of the reasons why I am going to kill myself. I love canines/dogs.

I do believe it's a real sexual orientation. A really fucking rare and unlucky one to have. If I could just be 'normal' I'd prefer that ofc. It's something I've struggled with for years now. You guys are free to ask me anything about it, or about myself. But this post is not really about that. I have a question.

Is that something I should tell my mom before I CTB?

On the one hand, if I omit that information, she'll be fucking sad as hell. But she'll have a relatively positive view on me. I won't be remembered as a sick fuck.

On the other hand, maybe if I talk with her and 'come out' before, she won't feel so bad about my death. Maybe she'll be glad I'm dead. Or, she'll be more understanding about why I've killed myself. That might help her get over me faster.

I know if I talked to her about it I'll be bawling my eyes out. My worst fear is she'll not hate me and want to 'help' me. But I don't want help, I want to die. You have no idea how hard it is to be a zoophile. You have to live a double life, filled with secrecy. You know that everyone hates you, you have such a terrible secret and you can't talk to anyone. It's incredibly lonely.

I want to add that from the outside I am a seemingly normal person. I have no criminal record. I've never even been pulled over by the police before. Never done drugs or anything like that. I don't drink. I've never been abused sexually nor have I abused anyone else. I'm quite a loner actually.

What do you think? Should I tell her? Or take it to the grave?

 

[Little_Suzy]

I had made a lengthy reply but a moderator deemed it inappropriate despite there being no listed rules on such topics.
I'll try my best to be very careful with my words to heed their instructions. I did want to answer some questions you guys have.

Yes, I currently have dogs.
Yes, I have done things with them and others.
Yes, I do hate myself for some of the things I've done.
I don't think therapy is the right solution, because I consider it a sexual orientation. I also can't afford therapy at the moment. And I won't be able to before I ctb so it doesn't matter.
No, this is not the only reason I want to ctb. It's for sure near the top of my list, but I have other reasons. I'll probably post about those other reasons later if I don't get banned.
My mom is kinda open minded and generally thinks good of people, but when she saw a bit about bestiality in a tv show, she commented on how it was disgusting. So she probably thinks along the same lines as you guys. As I currently have 2 dogs and have to live with her, telling her would immediately make things very, very, uncomfortable.

The consensus here seems to be to just take it with me to the grave. A lonely, misunderstood ending. But I can accept that. We all want to be accepted and validated. And admittedly, one of the reasons why I'd want to tell her is in the hopes that she'd be understanding. I have to be realistic. The response I got here proves it. I'll never be accepted.

I wish I could PM the moderator back. It seems that I don't have permissions. I don't know if that is intentional or if I haven't met the requirements yet.

You stated that you don't believe therapy is an appropriate solution because your sexual orientation is dog-related. If you cannot talk to a therapist right now, ask your mother to assist you in rehoming the dogs. It's best not to be around any dogs while seeking support.

Slf agree tht therpy mght b a gd idea b4 rsortng t/ CTB

Hi @Dot
This is the first time I've noticed a "solution reply" on a thread; what does it mean? I see one reply stating that therapy is not the best solution for their sexual orientation and that they cannot afford it. Is the "solution reply" suggesting that SaSu has agreed to help this member pay for therapy?

 

[4am]

well that took a turn for the worst.. i guess the only thing left to say now is ️️