Néncel
worthless
- Apr 2, 2023
- 18
I cant help it, I always end up messing things up in any relationship or friendship I have. I was sexually abused some months ago by a friend and even though he apologized and I wanted to get over it, I couldn't really let it go. I felt used and I felt like I let myself be used because I have no spine and I didn't know how to deal with it properly.
When I saw getting to know someone else, I couldn't stand it, felt like it was so unfair that his action would have no consequences. Im a fucking idiot and a scumbag. I tried to meddle with them, this new guy actually fell for me and I ended up hurting everyone; my "friend" because I tried to screw them over, this poor guy that had nothing to do with us and that was pretty sweet and I truly wanted to help and befriend after getting to know a little, and myself.
I only meddled for three days before the guilt got too harsh and I confessed to everything, but doing so didn't make me feel better.
I have been insulted, told to die and threatened before, but in the past at least I knew they weren't in the right (thats another story i guess...), this time? I know I have been horrible. Don't know how to deal with this feelings, I was already considering CTB before because I am a depressed fuck that people keeps around for who-knows-why but I cant make anyone happy, and even when I find someone that I want to try and help, I only end up hurting them because I am a moron.
I am so tired that I am such a useless person that whenever things are starting to become peaceful, I always find ways to screw myself.
When I saw getting to know someone else, I couldn't stand it, felt like it was so unfair that his action would have no consequences. Im a fucking idiot and a scumbag. I tried to meddle with them, this new guy actually fell for me and I ended up hurting everyone; my "friend" because I tried to screw them over, this poor guy that had nothing to do with us and that was pretty sweet and I truly wanted to help and befriend after getting to know a little, and myself.
I only meddled for three days before the guilt got too harsh and I confessed to everything, but doing so didn't make me feel better.
I have been insulted, told to die and threatened before, but in the past at least I knew they weren't in the right (thats another story i guess...), this time? I know I have been horrible. Don't know how to deal with this feelings, I was already considering CTB before because I am a depressed fuck that people keeps around for who-knows-why but I cant make anyone happy, and even when I find someone that I want to try and help, I only end up hurting them because I am a moron.
I am so tired that I am such a useless person that whenever things are starting to become peaceful, I always find ways to screw myself.
