I am 25 today and i want to die

[FireFox]

I am 25 today and all I want is to die. I hate my life and the failure that I am. Everything in my life is a mess. I am unemployed, single, living with my mother and I can't cope anymore with being a failure.

When I was younger I really wanted to do big things with my life when I become an adult. I always thought at 25 years old I will be living independently on my own in a different neighbourhood or even country, travelling around the world,having a stable career, a boyfriend who loves me and just be successful in life doing amazing things but none of that has happened for me.

I will never have my happy ending. I really wanted to live but didn't know how. I was the unpopular werid girl at school and it finally messed me up in adulthood. Being the unpopular girl all boys ever did was make fun of me or avoid me because they didnt want to see with the werid girl. The rest of school population excluded me from things so I couldn't make friends easily. I fought back against the builles but now have low self esstem in adulthood. I am always going to be that rejected unpopular teenage girl I was at school.

 

[novem]

Hang on there at least you are healthy. When i was an unpopular boy at school i didn't want what you want now. They say that exercesise help with mood

 

[RandomBeaver]

I understand those thoughts you have!

What were you interested in when your were s teenage girl?

 

[its-about-time]

I'm 26 as of today. The longer it goes on the more birthdays give me urgency to end things. I hate being congratulated for making it another year without killing myself. Hate having to put on an epic show about how great it is to be another year older, etc. Gotta stop complaining about being miserable. Nobody gives a fuck! Freeing.

 

[Slimetae]

I can relate to lack of relationships I'm 20 could have had my first real adult one but I messedit up with her before it really even started idrc anymore I was never really a relationship person anyway I have my own problems and Im more of a closed off person same with being jobless staying with my aunt hopefully I can get my shit together so I can get my own space and be away from all the negativity besides my own of course . I hope you're life gets better Tho

 

[Superdeterminist]

Years of solitude hurts badly.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life really is so disappointing and I personally see having hope as just leading to more suffering which is why I am glad that I have none. I hate birthdays personally and I do not want to get older, I just want to be gone. This life is just so unfair and I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I can imagine that it must be painful being unable to have the life that you want. I wish you the best.

 

[FireFox]

Hang on there at least you are healthy. When i was an unpopular boy at school i didn't want what you want now. They say that exercesise help with mood

@novem

I f*cking hated being the unpopular girl at school. I get really angry when people say school years are the best and constantly dismiss my experiences. It makes me furious because not everyone has close friends at school or nice classmates. I had a difficult time at school and I was happy on the last day of school.

One of the worst things about being the unpopular is your classmates hold you to contempt which made it hard for me to build relationships and have friendships at school.

One day this new boy came to the school and was placed in one of my classes. The new kid became very popular in the class and in the school. A couple of months later the boy snapped at me and he said outloud in front of the entire class "people warned me about you" yes he all heard the stories about me from my classmates. yes it really did hurt because this how people in the school saw me which was a person to be

I once really liked this boy in school because I liked how smart, aspirational and funny he was. Originally we got on well and the more I talked to him at break the more people in the school gossiped. I noticed one day he kept pushing me away, I couldn't understand why. Worst of all he knew i liked him a lot.

I liked him because i thought he was different but he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid crazy freak girl and he didn't want me to around him. That was hurt the most more than the humiliation itself.

 

[RandomBeaver]

@FireFox
I never really cared about other's popularity.

What were you interested in when your were s teenage girl?

 

[FireFox]

I'm 26 as of today. The longer it goes on the more birthdays give me urgency to end things. I hate being congratulated for making it another year without killing myself. Hate having to put on an epic show about how great it is to be another year older, etc. Gotta stop complaining about being miserable. Nobody gives a fuck! Freeing.

@its-about-time

Happy 26th birthday

I have been pretending to be happy all day because my mother, grandmother and sister always make a massive fuss when it's my birthday ie they presents, cake and do family outings. My family actually believe I am happy. My grandmother even said " this the first birthday I have seen you happy."

Last year I told my family I was anxious about turning 24 years old because of my lack of achievements in life but they didn't want to listen.

Now I lie about my feelings. When I reached out to people nobody cared to listen and everyone ignored me.

 

[novem]

@novem

I f*cking hated being the unpopular girl at school. I get really angry when people say school years are the best and constantly dismiss my experiences. It makes me furious because not everyone has close friends at school or nice classmates. I had a difficult time at school and I was happy on the last day of school.

One of the worst things about being the unpopular is your classmates hold you to contempt which made it hard for me to build relationships and have friendships at school.

One day this new boy came to the school and was placed in one of my classes. The new kid became very popular in the class and in the school. A couple of months later the boy snapped at me and he said outloud in front of the entire class "people warned me about you" yes he all heard the stories about me from my classmates. yes it really did hurt because this how people in the school saw me which was a person to be

I once really liked this boy in school because I liked how smart, aspirational and funny he was. Originally we got on well and the more I talked to him at break the more people in the school gossiped. I noticed one day he kept pushing me away, I couldn't understand why. Worst of all he knew i liked him a lot.

I liked him because i thought he was different but he was like everyone else in the school who was thought I was the werid crazy freak girl and he didn't want me to around him. That was hurt the most more than the humiliation itself.

This is hard and this is preparing kids for adult life. As you said, you are popular when people like you, the solution is to be likable, it is possible to achieve - one can try more and more to get it. Eventually, if you are not likable few chances are that someone will hire you or do business with you. Girls are just thinking it all depends on how pretty they are, but there is always somebody prettier and if you try to hit the coolest guy in the group then prepare to be disappointed (bc he will choose the prettiest). This is a lesson to learn and not to ctb because this is how society works.
Point is - this sort of things can be learned, it is not a constant physical pain that cannot be stopped.

 

[FireFox]

I understand those thoughts you have!

What were you interested in when your were s teenage girl?

@RandomBeaver

As a teenage girl I was a massive Demi Lovato fan and listened to her songs. I watched Demi on Sonny with a chance and the movie Princess Protection Programme. I also loved listening to Pink and Katy Perry.

I used to watch a lot of dystopian and sci fiction themed films as a child and teenager.
* Inception
* The Last Mimzy
* contagion
*2012
*Avatar
*Doctor Who
*Elysium
I watched documentaries and other generes.
In adulthood I embraced my love for dystopian fiction genre.

In class I tended to contribute more in answering questions and sharing my opinions on particular topics. I wasn't the quiet kids I was the more inquisitive individual who tended to ask questions and engage with topics and people found it werid.

Everyone in school had their own friendship groups whereas I struggled to make friends and yes even got made fun of for not having friends.

@FireFox
I never really cared about other's popularity.

@RandomBeaver
You are so lovely

People around me look at their teenage years as fun and carefree but for me it was not like that at all. Mine were just lonely, confusing and just difficult. When I sometimes watch teenage drama shows with my teenage sister all I see is everything I missed out on in terms of friendships, relationships and just fun things.

My childhood was fun because at primary school I had a great group of friends who I played with everyday, went to their birthday parties and had so much fun. All my childhood friends ended up going to different secondary schools in the area whereas one of my childhood friends ended up going to the same secondary school as me. In the first term of year my childhood friend got a boyfriend which was boy who attended the school and she got new friends then she eventually stopped hanging out with me. I was struggling at school because of bullying and struggling to make friends whereas my childhood friend got a new life at school. She knew all about the fights and arguments I got into at school.

I had a section of the school population that hated me and made my life at school complete nightmare and then another section of the school population didn't want anything to do with me so pretty much ignored me or excluded me from things so it was difficult to make friends and fit in and have relationships.

@FireFox
I never really cared about other's popularity.

@RandomBeaver
You are so lovely

People around me look at their teenage years as fun and carefree but for me it was not like that at all. Mine were just lonely, confusing and just difficult. When I sometimes watch teenage drama shows with my teenage sister all I see is everything I missed out on in terms of friendships, relationships and just fun things.

My childhood was fun because at primary school I had a great group of friends who I played with everyday, went to their birthday parties and had so much fun. All my childhood friends ended up going to different secondary schools in the area whereas one of my childhood friends ended up going to the same secondary school as me. In the first term of year my childhood friend got a boyfriend which was boy who attended the school and she got new friends then she eventually stopped hanging out with me. I was struggling at school because of bullying and struggling to make friends whereas my childhood friend got a new life at school. She knew all about the fights and arguments I got into at school.

I had a section of the school population that hated me and made my life at school complete nightmare and then another section of the school population didn't want anything to do with me so pretty much ignored me or excluded me from things so it was difficult to make friends and fit in and have relationships.

This is hard and this is preparing kids for adult life. As you said, you are popular when people like you, the solution is to be likable, it is possible to achieve - one can try more and more to get it. Eventually, if you are not likable few chances are that someone will hire you or do business with you. Girls are just thinking it all depends on how pretty they are, but there is always somebody prettier and if you try to hit the coolest guy in the group then prepare to be disappointed (bc he will choose the prettiest). This is a lesson to learn and not to ctb because this is how society works.
Point is - this sort of things can be learned, it is not a constant physical pain that cannot be stopped.

@novem

Before it all fell apart the guy and I really did enjoy each others company at break times and lunchtimes. The guy was interested in economics and wanted to study to economics at one of the UK top universities. He made me laugh and was fun to hang out with. The boy loved to party a lot. All the other boys at school builled me or mocked me or ignored me but he was different that is why I deeply admired him.

People in the school like to gossip about other people's business. The guy changed one day and just kept pushing me away during breaktimes. In the end he ended up with a girl in the school who was really pretty and well liked by everyone.

Being single in adulthood is a cruel painful reminder of how as a teenager guys always rejected me and made fun of me whereas other girls at school got boyfriends. I saw girls get asked out to prom, have boyfriends and guys be so nice to them and interested In them.

I was nice person at school but my personality was different from everyone else so struggled to fit in. In class I was more inquisitive and asked questions, answered questions confidently and correctly as well contributing to class discussions on topics. I publicly spoke at school assemblies. I wore a wolf hat which was also a scarf to school in the winter.

I was naturally confident but still guys ignored me and saw me as the werid girl. In adulthood guys still pretty much ignore me.

No one in the real world really understands what it feels like to be that rejected girl all the time.

 

[FireFox]

I can relate to lack of relationships I'm 20 could have had my first real adult one but I messedit up with her before it really even started idrc anymore I was never really a relationship person anyway I have my own problems and Im more of a closed off person same with being jobless staying with my aunt hopefully I can get my shit together so I can get my own space and be away from all the negativity besides my own of course . I hope you're life gets better Tho

@Slimetae

I hope you're life gets better too, you deserve happiness

 

[FireFox]

Life really is so disappointing and I personally see having hope as just leading to more suffering which is why I am glad that I have none. I hate birthdays personally and I do not want to get older, I just want to be gone. This life is just so unfair and I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I can imagine that it must be painful being unable to have the life that you want. I wish you the best.

@FuneralCry

I wish you the best too :)

Years of solitude hurts badly.

@Hidden Base

The absolute disappointment of how my life turned out to be is extremely difficult to cope with and I finally can not cope anymore . In real world nobody understands

 

[RandomBeaver]

I found what you said really interesting and I could relate on many things you said. Sadly, I'm experiencing a memory blackout because of depressive mood. It should resolve by tomorrow and I might respond.

Thanks for sharing your heart with us

 

[RandomBeaver]

I used to watch a lot of dystopian and sci fiction themed films as a child and teenager.

Wow that's cool! At least you were not the kind of girl to follow what was the most mainstream or cared about superficial stuff. You had your own personality.

I would have loved to have conversation about your opinions. Even if we didn't have the same opinions, I found people with original ones more interesting than the ones that were not thought about.

I feel the pain you have about lack of friendship (and being bullied or made fun of). At first, it might not seem that hard since we try to be tough, but afterwards it can destroy us. At least for me it was like that.

Personally, I can't watch highschool movies. It just fills me with nostalgia for things I never had or experienced. I didn't go to prom either since it would have been hard for me to see all those people being so happy and I would be alone.
An advice I would give you: don't have a Facebook or don't use it. It's been like 7-8 years since I deleted my account. It might not be what it was then, but that's something that really made me depressed. To see how my school buddies are performing or how they have the most wonderful vacation in the world (they all seem happy). But that's not really life.
An advice I would give you: don't have a Facebook or don't use it. It's been like 7-8 years since I deleted my account. It might not be what it was then, but that's something that really made me depressed. To see how my school buddies are performing or how they have the most wonderful vacation in the world (they all seem happy). But that's not really life.
An advice I would give you: don't have a Facebook or don't use it. It's been like 7-8 years since I deleted my account. It might not be what it was then, but that's something that really made me depressed. To see how my school buddies are performing or how they have the most wonderful vacation in the world (they all seem happy). But that's not really life.

An advice I would give you: don't have a Facebook or don't use it. It's been like 7-8 years since I deleted my account. It might not be what it was then, but that's something that really made me depressed. To see how my school buddies are performing or how they have the most wonderful vacation in the world (they all seem happy). But that's not really life.

 

[Funeralprincess]

I relate. I had my dream life and dream man but then bipolar came. I've since lost everything and everyone and I'm also 25. Crazy how people no longer love you when you get sick. You're only loved if you're normal. You only get to succeed and keep good things if you are normal. I am not going to live the rest of my twenties. The longer my date is pushed back the more anxious I become…. Leaving in your twenties is honestly a good idea. I see so many older people on here wishing they'd killed them selves then and I want to be gone well before thirty