Venting I always doubt supposed friendships I have

[g0r3kittyz☆*:💭]

I always think that none of my friendships mean anything to the other person. Like I see them as a friend but there is always this voice in the back of my mind "what if they don't see you that way and think you're really annoying" I mean it's not that big of a deal I guess but it's so fucking annoying like really annoying and I want to tell myself I'm just overthinking but sometimes it's just hard to believe it. Does anyone deal with this or am I fucking insane?

 

[untothedepths]

I have those same thoughts. I don't really like self diagnosing, and I'm really not, but I hit a lot of markers for BPD, though if I * did * have BPD it's not as bad as it was before...mostly. But that same type of voice in my head pretty much convinces me of that, or that, people secretly hate my guts and want nothing but the worst for me anyways. The only way I deal with it is just to keep people at arms length and feel free to disengage as much as possible. If you feel like you can trust someone enough to start getting closer that's cool, but just know you don't really know people until you * know * them. All I can say, sorry if it's not informative, but hopefully it can help you. You aren't alone.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I always think that none of my friendships mean anything to the other person.

The fact you always think that suggests either they aren't really friends or your expectations are too high.

"what if they don't see you that way and think you're really annoying"

Exactly, "what if they don't" are you only going to be nice to them on the condition they're your friend and see you the way you want them to?

 

[g0r3kittyz☆*:💭]

I have those same thoughts. I don't really like self diagnosing, and I'm really not, but I hit a lot of markers for BPD, though if I * did * have BPD it's not as bad as it was before...mostly. But that same type of voice in my head pretty much convinces me of that, or that, people secretly hate my guts and want nothing but the worst for me anyways. The only way I deal with it is just to keep people at arms length and feel free to disengage as much as possible. If you feel like you can trust someone enough to start getting closer that's cool, but just know you don't really know people until you * know * them. All I can say, sorry if it's not informative, but hopefully it can help you. You aren't alone.

Yeah, it was really informative and I appreciate it. I've only opened up to two people before (as far as I remember) and I kind of regret it, at least to one of them I really regret. Like sometimes I just can't control myself, and I just tell someone everything, but later I regret it so much. But again, thanks a lot :)

 

[dandoridunban]

Im always afraid that my friends find me annoying.

 

[g0r3kittyz☆*:💭]

The fact you always think that suggests either they aren't really friends or your expectations are too high.


Exactly, "what if they don't" are you only going to be nice to them on the condition they're your friend and see you the way you want them to?

No not really, like if they don't see me the way I want them too I don't think I'll stop being nice to them, but maybe a bit hurt if they see me in a bad way. And that's all I want. I just want them to enjoy being around me, and not see me in a bad way

 

[rosenwasser]

I'm autistic so I don't have any friends that like me back. That said, there are many conditions that make us think people don't like us even if it's not the case.

You can look at some more "objective" markers:

* Can you talk to your friends about "heavy" matters (not necessarily suicide, just not fun conversations) and they are still there for you?
* Do they care about important events and days to you (such as birthdays) and go out of their way to make them pleasant for you?
* Do they seek contact with you or is it the other way around?

If people genuinely care, are there for you when times get hard and invest in making you happy, then your thoughts could be influenced by something such as depression or BPD. The people might genuinely love you.
But if none of these apply, you might be in shallow friendships. These are very common and many people have them. They are also not necessarily bad, it's just exhausting when it's the only type of friendship you have.

 

[tbroken]

The fact you always think that suggests either they aren't really friends or your expectations are too high.


Exactly, "what if they don't" are you only going to be nice to them on the condition they're your friend and see you the way you want them to?

I mostly agree.
But these are very dark times, at least for my perspection, you really cannot trust anyone. At least in my country there are rapes, family crimes and stuff... I don't even trust my shadow and i'm MALE.

 

[Finalnight]

I always think that none of my friendships mean anything to the other person. Like I see them as a friend but there is always this voice in the back of my mind "what if they don't see you that way and think you're really annoying" I mean it's not that big of a deal I guess but it's so fucking annoying like really annoying and I want to tell myself I'm just overthinking but sometimes it's just hard to believe it. Does anyone deal with this or am I fucking insane?

I always felt that I've never truly made any friends in my entire life, maybe you're just overthinking, but I could tell for sure that my situation is entirely different