Discussion Does anyone else avoid people they like until those people reach out to them first?

[coolgal82]

I've noticed that like atleast recently with people i like i tend to like avoid them and only interact with them like in public (online obv i dont leave the house really) or if they talk to me first.
I'm pretty sure it stems from the fact that im really worried about annoying them and making them hate me, atleast thats my current theory. It's really annoying honestly. like if i like someone and theyre like getting too close or whatever just boom shut them out until they like knock on the door. im not really like this with people i dont like as much like its a weird paradox where the more i like someone the less i interact with them??? part of it is also just cus autism and im really bad at talking to people.

Like part of it ive also realised just a bit ago is like idk i see someone and im like "omg theyre so cool and awesome" i go out of my way to interact with them more but then just kinda start avoiding them, especially if i think that they don't like me based on like whatever reason. idk my brain doesnt make sense. theres also an element of "oh wow theyre cool i respect them alot i bet they want nothing to do with just a useless nobody like me" (this is even worse with my besties where i despise myself for not being able to like do anything for them in return for just how fucking awesome they are i just wanna tell them that but i cant i love them so much.) (except when i dont? but thats another issue) and like idk.

Kinda unrelated but also kinda related i've also noticed a pattern in my behaviour where i like tend to just overshare with people then go like "oh shit" and start like avoiding them or atleast hate myself after. and my brain gets stuck inbetween like "i wanna get closer to them i want them to solve all my issues for me and give me advice and help me" and "i dont know thats kinda scary what if i annoy them and they leave me or feel like im taking advantage of them and putting nothing into the friendship yet recieving everything" or whatever sometimes. i've literally never had close friends before now because i just kinda... couldnt? for many reasons especially those listed above. i'm only close with my besties (and it still doesnt feel like enough but also feels like too much idk) because of an outside incident.

idk im just kinda rambling here lmao i dont even remember what i was trying to say im just kinda going insane tonight has been a ride lmao. had a lil breakdown and SHed a tiny bit for like 30 mins idk how long then went to feeling absoloutely nothing then happy then idfk???? lmao.

 

[uselessflesh]

i do the same exact thing without even realizing. i do have avpd so it's kind of in me to naturally resort to waiting for others to reach out first and i'm terrified of being shut down or ghosted. hypocritical since i do the exact same whether by accident, fear or depression in general. it's only recently that i've been practically begging to spend time with some of them that i know won't reject me, and that's only because otherwise i know they would abandon me if i stop masking and continue outwardly isolating and rotting like how i truly feel i should be expressing. friends are scary, i'm new to them. it's difficult to read them. i think we all deserve to be heard regardless. i don't think it would hurt to go to the one you think would be the least likely to "reject" if that's what you fear. i'm still miserable but it's gotten me company and it makes them happy that they have someone to infodump to, so it's not too bad at all.

 

[soledad.virgen]

yes. it's hard to talk to people, even my favorite person because im just afraid of being annoying or a bore or a bad presence in any way. i get rejected and abandoned easily so i find it's just better to stay away and avoid the pain because i really don't want to keep going through it. and it's hard to be honest about that with them, cause then they think "oh wow this person is mentally unwell, i should avoid them and not make them rely on me" and it becomes a sort of self fulfilling vicious cycle

 

[Rishi Forbes Das]

No one reaches out to me

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm much too scared to initiate conversations with anyone whether online or in person. I prefer to take the zoner method of throwing out some small projectiles in order to lure my opponent to approach. Helps prevent me from getting punished for committing too hard in neutral.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I just avoid people in general though I don't really need to as nobody wants to talk to me anyway

 

[Rishi Forbes Das]

I just avoid people in general though I don't really need to as nobody wants to talk to me anyway

Do you avoid everyone including online

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Do you avoid everyone including online

Not online as I do have two online friends that I made on this site but, as for everybody else, yeah, I avoid them

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

I have this "strategy", but not for the same motives, in my case it's mostly due to my tendency to overanalyze people behavior, and I have some need to feel desired, so I wait until someone misses me and reaches out for me

Nowadays I don't care a tiny bit about start conversations tho

 

[avoid]

I do the same. I overanalyze people's behavior to the point it brings me more stress than joy when I'm with others. I think this problem stems from my insecurity of thinking I'm not good enough to be friends with someone: they have more fun with other friends than when they are with me. So I started to wait for others to reach out to me first in order to convince myself that they do want to spend time with me. They still invited me occasionally. Unfortunately this didn't solve my overanalytical behavior [low self-esteem] and now I @avoid people and conversation altogether. I stopped responding to friends and maintain limited contact with only my parents. I'm aware this is unhealthy behavior but I don't care anymore. I still desire deep friendships but learned to enjoy my own company. Perhaps I'll crawl out of my shell at some point in the future.

Edit: I incidentally found this old post of mine that describes why I chose to be alone: link.

 

[isolatedl111]

I've noticed that like atleast recently with people i like i tend to like avoid them and only interact with them like in public (online obv i dont leave the house really) or if they talk to me first.
I'm pretty sure it stems from the fact that im really worried about annoying them and making them hate me, atleast thats my current theory. It's really annoying honestly. like if i like someone and theyre like getting too close or whatever just boom shut them out until they like knock on the door. im not really like this with people i dont like as much like its a weird paradox where the more i like someone the less i interact with them??? part of it is also just cus autism and im really bad at talking to people.

Like part of it ive also realised just a bit ago is like idk i see someone and im like "omg theyre so cool and awesome" i go out of my way to interact with them more but then just kinda start avoiding them, especially if i think that they don't like me based on like whatever reason. idk my brain doesnt make sense. theres also an element of "oh wow theyre cool i respect them alot i bet they want nothing to do with just a useless nobody like me" (this is even worse with my besties where i despise myself for not being able to like do anything for them in return for just how fucking awesome they are i just wanna tell them that but i cant i love them so much.) (except when i dont? but thats another issue) and like idk.

Kinda unrelated but also kinda related i've also noticed a pattern in my behaviour where i like tend to just overshare with people then go like "oh shit" and start like avoiding them or atleast hate myself after. and my brain gets stuck inbetween like "i wanna get closer to them i want them to solve all my issues for me and give me advice and help me" and "i dont know thats kinda scary what if i annoy them and they leave me or feel like im taking advantage of them and putting nothing into the friendship yet recieving everything" or whatever sometimes. i've literally never had close friends before now because i just kinda... couldnt? for many reasons especially those listed above. i'm only close with my besties (and it still doesnt feel like enough but also feels like too much idk) because of an outside incident.

idk im just kinda rambling here lmao i dont even remember what i was trying to say im just kinda going insane tonight has been a ride lmao. had a lil breakdown and SHed a tiny bit for like 30 mins idk how long then went to feeling absoloutely nothing then happy then idfk???? lmao.

I never initiate conversations