I almost died on Monday. I wish I had

[jake3d]

That was a long long time ago! But the thing with our ears is that unlike other organs in our body, they do not regenerate and damage is cumulative. I sure wish i knew that early on! I would say there is no single cause that led to your current situation, it's everything added together.

As for me? I registered to post in the "partners" thread, maybe i find someone to go with. I was reckless and selfless, and haven't given myself a break the past year. Too much work and diving right into too much fun (which ended wrongly) despite being a bit worn out for not sleeping properly for a while got me to take some really dumb decisions which resulted in tinnitus, hyperacusis and trigeminal nerve pain. My whole head and face hurts. It's painful and annoying as all hell.

 

[Susan Caswell]

That was a long long time ago! But the thing with our ears is that unlike other organs in our body, they do not regenerate and damage is cumulative. I sure wish i knew that early on! I would say there is no single cause that led to your current situation, it's everything added together.

ar arAs for me? I registered to post in the "partners" thread, maybe i find someone to go with. I was reckless and selfless, and haven't given myself a break the past year. Too much work and diving right into too much fun (which ended wrongly) despite being a bit worn out for not sleeping properly for a while got me to take some really dumb decisions which resulted in tinnitus, hyperacusis and trigeminal nerve pain. My whole head and face hurts. It's painful and annoying as all hell[/QUOTBut how do you live with it I just cant the anxiety has crippled me but my sharp mind is now demented tortured ive lost so much weight, massive amount of hair my body bouncing up and down 24/7 I had breakfasts, coffees, lunches, dinner, theatre, days out lovely life everything I could want I honestly thought id had all my medical conditions and some feel cheated I want to live but not like this its no ones life I cant even buy myself better been to the best consultants tinnitus clinics and every alternative therapy known to man im all out of options and fight and strength I was capable independent caring generous I want me back but I cant live with the noise. im sorry your a sufferer is that why you want to go, ive discovered its not easy to go either I so valued life cant believe this can happen to us like this tinnitus yes hissing ringing singing I have high pitch hissing but can ignore it but drilling hammering roaring and all normal sounds deafening distorted full feeling ears such pain now and that all without the damn anxiety sick of myself Ive a wonderful partner of 38 years but im ruining that in 22 months going on and on why me why now want to die are you in the uk can we do this together sorry don't think I should ask that really I know I have to sort this myself ive hoped and hoped it would stop let up let me live with it

 

[WaterUnder]

@Strangeasangels
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us and want to say that I empathize with the feeling of regret in surviving your ordeal.

I didn't read everyone's comments, so this may have already been communicated, but trying to o.d. on NSAIDs, is painful, unreliable, and will only screw up your liver. As for regretting not having oxy's, if it's any consolation, they didn't work for me other than to put me in a coma for some time (and I'd taken a well researched cocktail of CNS suppressants).

It sounds like the primary issue you're facing right now is feeling disconnected and unappreciated. I can't help but feel that maybe this gallbladder issue is a blessing in disguise. Maybe it will give you some time away from your toxic work environment to glean a different perspective.

Perhaps consider finding a different work situation as the people we work with daily can have a big impact upon our perspective, self-esteem, and the overall quality of our lives.

Hope you feel better soon. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. (I'm in the over 50 club, too).

 

[jake3d]

Agree with the above, NSAIDs are bad enough for the stomach (and ears!) in their normal dosages, an OD of that wouls be terribly messy.

 

[catwalk]

I look back to my memories of climbing abandoned buildings and standing on the edge of the 10th floor or climbing on huge chimneys in abandoned factories and thinking how much I wish I had fallen, would make my life much easier.

 

[justanotherday]

Over the weekend I had pain in my gut. Excruciating pain. I avoided ER because I didn't want to get hit with an overwhelming bill so I waited till Monday to see my doctor and suffered all weekend. Monday morning I had an ultrasound which revealed that my gallbladder was infected, inflamed and covered in stones. My doctor said I would go septic if we didn't remove immediately. I was admitted and my gb removed. I am home recovering now.

Throughout that time I got not one get well card. The only person who has been there was my neighbor who, if I may be honest, I don't even like that much because I have nothing in common with her and she is one of those conversation dominators who has to make everything about her. But I am grateful to her because on the day of my surgery, she did drive me and was there while I was operated on and drove me home. Outside of her... nothing.

My office knew but nobody asked how i was doing. I did have .a work colleague defriend me on faebook because of a work incident last week. Someone in the office has a car accident, they lose a pet or leave the company they get an outpouring of love in the form of cards and flowers. I almost die and I get nothing.

I have really tried to putter on in life. I will be 52 next year. I try to be social. I do group fitness classes regularly (or i did before i got sick). I even do live band karaoke once a month at a local bar. I am not some anti-social person who doesn't try to fit in. I am simply tired of trying. I have concluded that 90% of the human race is shit and I am tired of trying.

I want to end my life but I don't know how. I don't want to suffer and I don't want to leave a mess. I want full proof.
If I wasn't clear, I'd appreciate some suggestions... I would like to do it this weekend.

Sorry nobody showed any concern for you. I agree, most people in the world are shitty!

 

[Strangeasangels]

@Strangeasangels
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us and want to say that I empathize with the feeling of regret in surviving your ordeal.

I didn't read everyone's comments, so this may have already been communicated, but trying to o.d. on NSAIDs, is painful, unreliable, and will only screw up your liver. As for regretting not having oxy's, if it's any consolation, they didn't work for me other than to put me in a coma for some time (and I'd taken a well researched cocktail of CNS suppressants).

It sounds like the primary issue you're facing right now is feeling disconnected and unappreciated. I can't help but feel that maybe this gallbladder issue is a blessing in disguise. Maybe it will give you some time away from your toxic work environment to glean a different perspective.

Perhaps consider finding a different work situation as the people we work with daily can have a big impact upon our perspective, self-esteem, and the overall quality of our lives.

Hope you feel better soon. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. (I'm in the over 50 club, too).

Can you tell me more about oxycodone? I got some as i am having another health issue and much the same sadness. I really tried to pull it together but the suicidal thoughts don't ever leave. I am a year older. I spent my birthday alone at a beautiful resort with a delicious view of the golden gate bridge. I drank and cried and felt miserable...