Venting Humiliation

[wishiwasalittlecool]

I'm done with this stupid rat race. Every day is a reason I shouldn't exist. There's no help out there. I've tried my hardest. I will only find peace in surrender. Sometimes when I cut myself I feel humiliated. Mostly when I cut even though I don't want to. It just represents how I live every day even though I don't want to. As soon as I get on my feet, I'll dress up fancy and hang myself. I want to have some life experiences before I die but it seems too much to ask for. Ever since I was a kid I just accepted that my life will lack a lot of things and that some things a lot of people get to experience I will never. I should just be "thankful" for "what I have." If I won the lottery tomorrow, I wouldn't feel anything. If I lost everything, I'd feel the same. Either way, I'll die by suicide.
If it weren't for SaSu I would have slit my wrists and caused permanent nerve damage, derailing my entire education, relationships, life, etc. I stare at my wrists every day, sometimes sliding my razor lightly over them. Thank you SaSu for preventing my life to get even worse than it already is.

 

[Chemi]

Ehh yeah. Especially if you are already self-harming, cutting your wrists open and bleeding out is really tempting. Kinda romantic even. Sadly, it just doesn't work as you'd want it to. Glad you decided against it. I totally understand the urge, however.