How's talking to people?

[gingermacie]

Major depression for almost 2 decades, eating disorders, addiction, and isolation have left my brain (and everything else about me) a jumbled mess. I used to be pretty bright, but now there's no spark to me.

Despite all the substance usage, I think what damaged my ability to communicate most was the complete isolation. Barely any human interaction for years besides at the store, therapy and the occasional outing/phone call. I can rarely hold a conversation deeper than brief, superficial chat. I just go blank and know I must look like a zombie to people. Therapist interactions are fine because that's where I've had most practice.

I'm not particularly looking for a way to fix it as the negative thoughts filling my mind during interactions are insurmountable. I'm just wondering about everyone else's social experience and whether or not some people experience things similarly.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

It's interesting that you say that - I think that's the case with me too. Autism, Schizophrenia, brain damage from being drugged since I was 3 - and yet, now that you mention it, I think the isolation is what did it for me too. I've been in near constant isolation since 2017 now. Having a lot of online friends who respected me extended my life a few years, but 2021 was when I officially became an already dead shell. I'm actually embarrassed I've been procrastinating on CTBing this long. I've spent the last 3 years already dead.

 

[Malaria]

I have autism, so right off the bat it's hard for me to talk to people. I have difficulty reading social cues. I have difficulty seeing red flags. I also have difficulty understanding humor/sarcasm, or intuitively understanding what another person thinks or feels without verbal cues. I can be blunt with other people which can end up hurting their feelings even if I don't mean to. All this and more has led to me being bullied pretty badly.

But even setting aside the autism, it's very hard for me to talk to people and relate to them. Even if conversation is going well, it feels very alien and isolating to me. I just feel like it's hard for me to connect and relate to other humans.

By the way, great avatar OP. I've been reading through Subahibi and I really like it so far!

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I struggle with talking to people. It's really difficult and overwhelming for me. I don't think that I'll ever have an irl friend for my entire life and I'll most likely die without having made a single irl friend or acquaintance

 

[sserafim]

I struggle with talking to people. It's really difficult and overwhelming for me. I don't think that I'll ever have an irl friend for my entire life and I'll most likely die without having made a single irl friend or acquaintance

I can be your irl friend or acquaintance :)

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I can be your irl friend or acquaintance :)

That's nice of you (if you genuinely mean it) but I'm too far gone. I think that I only had one chance during my childhood to develop as a human so I can handle friendships during adulthood but, well, I didn't. Not to mention at how much my mum would interrogate me if I were to say I had an irl friend. She'd ask how I made friends with you and, because of how bad I am at lying, I'd eventually say the truth which... I don't want to do

Nonetheless, you're the first person to actually say such a thing to me. How intriguing...

 

[divinemistress36]

I've been so isolated since 2017 I forgot how to have conversations with people as well and just space out during conversations

 

[lnlybnny]

been isolating myself for years, i don't feel the need to interact, but when i have to it feels awkward. i feel i have to put on a certain face and say certain words, it doesn't feel natural and it's a struggle. i feel emotionally drained while doing so. i feel like an alien around other ppl, counting the minutes until i'm alone again

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

My experience socializing with people has changed a bit over time.

When I was in middle school, I was very shy and sometimes felt embarrassed to talk to people. However, I met people who kept me company in school.

In high school, I started to have trouble socializing, as I was constantly ignored and excluded.

In college, I had improved my communication skills, but honestly, I never managed to form friendships because I felt like I didn't have "normal" people's tastes. I felt like a burden and feared that people would label me as a boring person who talks too much or as a cold person for not reacting to jokes.

Currently, I don't usually socialize. On one hand, I feel like I don't need to talk to people, but at the same time, I feel lonely and sometimes have the need to talk to someone. The problem is that I still have the fear of coming off as someone boring with closed-minded tastes.

 

[gingermacie]

been isolating myself for years, i don't feel the need to interact, but when i have to it feels awkward. i feel i have to put on a certain face and say certain words, it doesn't feel natural and it's a struggle. i feel emotionally drained while doing so. i feel like an alien around other ppl, counting the minutes until i'm alone again

Right?? People say interacting with others is supposed to make you feel better but I've barely ever felt that way in my life. It makes me feel like a cornered animal.

 

[Softwind]

When I was very little, talking to people wasn't a problem, but after I changed schools, I got bullied a lot, and developed an extreme social phobia. Tho it got a bit better, I still struggle when I talk to people, so honestly I don't have any friends, just acquaintances...

 

[Red Moon]

I'm sort of the same, I have spent years in isolation and it has affected me. I can barely speak to people now in real life and add autism into the mix and it makes it worse.

 

[Sarros]

I have a pretty active social life. I have extreme difficulty approaching and talking to new people and get nervous breakdowns and I have been told by close friends that I am awkward, but otherwise I would consider myself fairly typical once I'm able to hold a conversation.
It's fun in the moment but nothing ever feels like I'm getting to actually know or connect with people.