How's everyone's Saturday been? Plans for tonight?

[loser4ever4life]

Just wanted to get a general check on what everyone's up to or done today. I'll start; I had brunch with my partner and hiked around a nearby park with a friend

and now that im home, all i think about is ctb

 

[Anonymousa]

Its actually sunday for me. I should be going to sleep soon.

 

[loser4ever4life]

Its actually sunday for me. I should be going to sleep soon.

Fair enough, time zones are weird, goodnight! Maybe once youre up tell me what you have planned for sunday!

 

[jadeturtle]

It's actually good. It was probably ~4 months of intense suicidality and for the first time since then I felt like I'm OK living. It's incredible how long it's been, how brief it is, and how much of a relief it is.

 

[LostLily]

I was planning to go to a card convention because I got back into pokemon cards, but I can't make it because I'm still in the hospital after a wellness check
I just hope I get out in time for my friend's birthday on May 9th

 

[Pale_Rider]

Well there is a woman I think about. Maybe I will see her at one point. Otherwise some whiskey, and a walk through the darkness.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I've been out all day hanging out with people close to me, been pondering about buying more drugs to abuse next time I get. Got a painful headache and barely hungry. Also ate at a good restaurant which had fondue s'mores. Going home tomorrow, then returning to work.

First day in at least a week where I didn't spiral too much, hoping I don't jinx it.

 

[AnimusLapsus]

Ordered some Korean fried chicken and soju to drown out the noise. Currently missing a school dance because of my chronic illness. Feeling enraged and sorrowful. I yearn for nothing but normalcy, but I've come to learn that very early in my life was it far too late. Fun times!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Saturday is over in 15 minutes where I am. I don't ever have plans for anything.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I'm working an overnight at a homeless shelter. I'll do my budget and some paperwork and maybe write a sexy short story in my spare time.

 

[J&L383]

Just wanted to get a general check on what everyone's up to or done today. I'll start; I had brunch with my partner and hiked around a nearby park with a friend

and now that im home, all i think about is ctb

I had brunch with myself and hiked through a cemetery to a river with no one. But lots of geese kept me company.

 

[loser4ever4life]

Saturday is over in 15 minutes where I am. I don't ever have plans for anything.

What did you do with your day or what are your plans for sunday?

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

I really want to fucking die rn. Like I wish I could just will myself dead. Or that I could just go over to the wall and bash my head against it until I'm no more.

I feel ugly and worthless. Depressed as fuck. And just in pain of every variety.

The only positive thing to happen this week is my partner finally agreed that if we ever came into a lot of money and I still wanted to kill myself, he would allow me to go to Pegasos and be done. He has for the past 9 years resisted the idea of me killing myself. But hes really starting to see my suffering. And just how endless it is. And for him to agree to such a thing means he finally sees me. It was such a a relief honestly to hear that he's reached a place of some acceptance.

Now of course it's all hypothetical. Like I'm talking if we won the lottery or something. Because otherwise I will never have the money needed for such a plan.

But it's progress. He's the one I've needed to be okay with the idea the most. Because he's really the one who will be left behind. I have to say, it's been adding a nice bit to the relief side of things. Which I think he's also noticed. He doesn't seem sad though. Which I expected. Instead he's been more affectionate, and more gentle. Not that he wasn't before. But I think he's really starting to get just how awful being alive for me is. And wants me to have relief.

I see wish this is what non suicidal people understood. Having a plan. Working out the details, having people that support your desire to leave goes a long way to helping us stay put despite the never ending trauma of living.

But I really wish right now that I could think hard enough and just drop dead lol.

 

[Rynalia]

I woke up.


And then I woke up.





And then I woke up again.

 

[Big_Eal]

I havent left my place for more than one year , so nothing , just lose my time in the computer

 

[loser4ever4life]

I havent gone out from my place for more than one year , so nothing , just lose my time in the computer

I don't mean to be offensive but is that an active choice or are you unable to leave home, how have you managed to not leave your place for 1 whole year?

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Sitting here as always. Watching my belly get bigger and C*ck get smaller. standard for a saturday.

 

[Busridin'26]

Thnxxx for checking in it's very early Sunday but I wrote this Saturday.

It's been ok. Ig? I ate breakfast and then slept most of the day. I have been thinking of like ways in which to get some things done while I'm planning to ctb.

First time in awhile I haven't felt awfully sick from chronic health issues. Wasn't my intention per say to sleep all day but was if that's what my body needed which clearly it did.

Had some annoying thoughts and such about my mother/family which are all horrible to me so. I dunno why. Its just solidifying ctb for me anyway.

Wasn't the worst day ig. I prefer days of just fully sleeping so.

Can't wait to ctb.

 

[Pluto]

 

[FuneralCry]

Everyday in this cruel, torturous existence is just another day of suffering for me and I personally suffer just from being burdened with this existence, to me existing really is just waiting to die, it's just suffering all for the sake of it that there was never a need for and more than anything I just wish this existence was never imposed. I'll always see existence as the most torturous imposition that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can suffer and I find it so terrifying and horrific how a human can suffer for so long just to be tortured by old age. I'd never wish to exist and I'm so tired of suffering in this existence, as long as I exist I really will just wish and hope to sleep permanently, non-existence really is all that's positive and desirable for me which is why I suffer so much from how peaceful death is so cruelly denied with suffering seen as to force and prolong no matter what.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

What did you do with your day or what are your plans for sunday?

I don't make plans. I have no one to make plans with. Family is all dead and I have no friends. On good days I work on getting my affairs in order so I can ctb. But, much of that effort is outside in my garage and the weather is not good right now (too cold for me), so I'll just hang around the house, watch some tv, sleep, visit SaSu, and try as best I can to get through the day. I, maybe, go to the store once a week. That's the only time I go anywhere.

 

[RibbonAmia]

Well it's Sunday for me. I haven't had any plans in a while. I might just browse around the site to be honest, and just think about life. I had breakfast though, so that's good I suppose.

 

[Moroze]

It's been just plain awful. I just found a bunch of Ambien pills and I'm succumbing to substance abuse. I have no idea how I will cope when I run out. I'd say I have a 2-week supply, after that I'm screwed. Thinking of just ending things after I run out. I have three friends, and I know that at the current moment they think they will miss me, but I know that like all things in life, good and bad, will pass.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Yesterday (Saturday) I was in one of my random states of super high activity. Woke up at 4:00am with my thoughts racing all day, did extra research and work for my job just for fun and probably my coworkers will be annoyed on Monday morning from emails I sent, I had work done on my daughter's car, mowed the lawn although my body was exhausted, did lots of chores around the house, and.... today, as expected, I'm on a thrilling headlong powered dive straight back down to smash myself to bits at the bottom. The only thing I really enjoyed yesterday was knowing how hard the crash would be afterwards. I'm not happy when in that state, it's more like getting hit by a train and flying through the air.

 

[divinemistress87]

I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes all day

 

[LostLily]

I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes all day

Nice I marathon succession
One of the few upsides about hospitalization. Tones of free time

 

[wiz_miz_03]

Very close to ctb, figuring out how to get SN (very hard in Canada rn) or looking for any other method.