How would starting look like?

[pinapellicer]

How does recovery start to look like for someone like me, who's been suicidal for years and is now actively planning and purchasing everything i need to ctb? In simple terms or steps, how would someone like that start taking steps towards recovery?
What made you change your focus from actively planning, to being open to recovery?

 

[Shiitake]

Honestly, you gotta try and find, thats how you start, for me it was finding boredom. I laid and did nothing, which sparked something i havent felt in a long while, creativity, the same creativity we felt as children.

-edit, i want to add that i was kinda forced to live, my sister told me bluntly she would commit suicide if i did so too, starting a weird pact, my mother also relies on me so i was forced to be here, after years of relapsing and depression i started moving in the right direction. i cant speak for you cause i am privleged in most ways that people are not.

 

[Nitlott]

I think there's no clear answer on this one. Everyone has different, well, everything which affects one's mental and physical state so it differs from person to person.

What made you change your focus from actively planning, to being open to recovery?

Maybe my experience doesn't count as I didn't actively follow through my methods, but I did spent a lot of time researching and just occupying my brain with it. And I'm more open to recovery now than ever before. My views (and philosophy if you're fancy) changed and made almost a 360° turn. I just... Contemplated them and thought of them from different angles for a couple of months and it just clicked that dying isn't worth it. And, I think the most important part of it, I got to that conclusion by myself, so that's why it worked for me. Thought I still have suicidal thoughts every once in a while.

The only thing I could recommend is to start small and be more open about stuff. And definitely not be too hard on yourself if you fail, you will fail once in a while and that's normal. You can try different religions, philosophies and find stuff from them that you agree on/believe in and challenge what you already had. If you can, I think having someone able to think more clearly on topics where you're too biased, take a sober view of situations and guide you (a close friend/relative or, ideally, a therapist) would be beneficial.
I probably sounded like one of the "think positively" guys, but there's still a little truth in it. And my response probably looks like a nothing burger, but uh... Whether it helps you or not, I'll be rooting for you