How was your view on suicide before being suicidal?

[kogareta]

I remember my childhood, I saw the news of a celebrity I liked the shows of, hanged himself. I started thinking what could possibly get him to that phase, the end, suicide. I remember asking my parents about why could he commit such a thing, etc. And my father said to me that people who commit suicide can't be judged since their psyhce isn't well. This was my view until now and still is. How did suicide sound to you before?

 

[outrider567]

Didn't think about it much because everyone was alive then, and I was really enjoying life, now almost everyone is dead, but even after that I could still slog through all of that probably ok......if she was still around, if she was still alive

 

[sick.faery]

i always was pro choice kinda and thought that if someone has a good reason there's nothing wrong with them dying

 

[Never_got_better]

I was raised to think of depression as a disease. Something that some people can get sick with, that they can die from. Like cancer. They can get treatment, but some people can't or don't feel they deserve it. I've had a severe anxiety disorder since I was 4, so I never understood how people could actually want to die. Until about about 6 years ago, when I too fell sick with the disease. I've tried therapy, anti-depressants, everything. But it never seems to go away. All of my therapists dropped me after about a week, and I came to terms with the fact that I was a lost cause. That things were never getting better. That this disease was going to kill me like it killed some of my friends. Unfortunately, the anxiety is making things difficult, but that changes nothing. Depression is a disease, and suicide is the way it kills you.

 

[NambaSutra]

About 30 years ago when I was a teenager I had a friend who told me she wanted to kill herself. I listened and told her not to, but also I didn't know anything about mental illness then.

 

[sadscotsman]

I've been suicidal since before I even knew what suicide was. I was raised by religious parents and used to believe in God, I have memories of being as young as five and praying that I wouldn't wake up in the morning and that the rest of the years I would have lived could go to a sick child and the food I would've eaten could go to a hungry child, other children who deserved to be alive unlike me. When I found out that there was a name for what I was feeling and that people actually did it, I remembered just understanding it fundamentally. Life is just incompatible with certain people and I don't tink that's shameful. It shouldn't be, at least, so I hate that I do feel ashamed of feeling this way.

 

[TDF]

This is such a great question.

I think I was always pro-choice, but I never understood the level of despair and desperation someone could be in to take their own life until I am now in that position. Unlike physical pain, I think that level of emotional suffering is very hard to understand unless you hahe been there yourself. I'm ashamed to say a part of me definitely felt like maybe they were weak, didn't try hard enough, and could have cared about their family more, especially those with children. I definitely felt empathetic that they needed help and perhaps didn't get any or didn't get enough, and that there must have been a way out. I knew theoretically that they must have had reasons to do it, but, I couldn't appreciate the level of pain that could drive someone to ctb. Now I get that reallh there is a tipping point, some are truly in a cruel situation and people should have the choice without judgement

 

[leloyon]

I've been clinically depressed since age 6, so I have always understood suicidality.

Same here. I haven't really had any philosophical reasons to be pro-choice for most of this time though, it's always just been "I'm suffering, I want out, it would be hypocritical of me to be against others doing the same" for the most part.

 

[aubrey!]

i used to feel that tomorrow could be a better day. things were rough, but i never considered the idea for a lot of my life. a few "moments" before i got to the point i'm at now, but i passed them off as nothing but a short attention seeking phase of my past self. it was a slower descend into what i am now, slowly my realisation of the pessimistic reality around me started to settle in and the positivity created by my then innocent mind started getting flushed out.

for a short period, around age 13, i remained relatively positive. i did my best to encourage those who were struggling, i didn't really understand why someone would completely give up when their life has not even begun.

then things crumbled. i lost it all,and realised why people felt the way i did.

i wish i understood sooner, because the generic boring advice i gave must of dragged them down. i can imagine they're not fond of me and i wouldn't be either. positivity can be a real pain, because even if it's so genuine i know i deserve worse. positivity does not help, because it can be taken negatively. that's something i would've never considered before.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I began suffering from clinical depression since age 6, and suicidal since age 10.
I didn't have a view on suicide because I was too young to know of others killing themselves, even though I felt the urge to do it myself.

 

[alonely]

I think I've been suicidal since my brain was developed enough to process the idea that I can and will die. I think I only learned that it was something other people did or wanted too, after I myself wanted to die.

 

[hellispink]

Funny because, I have always been suicidal. Since I was a child, all i remember is wanting to die. Decades later, I still want the same thing.

 

[90starve]

im not sure that i even had a view on suicide before experiencing the feelings myself - i think that i would've been too young to have understood the concept.