How to work up the nerve to ctb?

[justpassingby]

How do you motivate yourself to commit suicide? I can't seem to commit to it. Still scared of the "unknown" and how it will affect people who care about me

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I don't know. I'm not there yet, but I guess I will probably think of the people who had more than me who did it...stories on the internet. Tara Condell sticks with me because she had a lot of shit and did it. Personally, I probably would have hated her alive (triggered by her success etc) but her doing it was a shock to read about.

 

[VicMackey]

How do you motivate yourself to commit suicide? I can't seem to commit to it. Still scared of the "unknown" and how it will affect people who care about me

This is what i did prior to my attempt......
It took about 7 to 8 days of being alone. No phone contact, no texts, emails, no social media. No sex of any kind. Hard drinking, frequently to pass out. Minimal food.
Looking at pictures of the begining to end of successful animal rescues, which seeing animals neglected breaks my heart.
Thinking about what i lost and what could have been.
No human interaction or contact. Sleep during the days and stay out of the light. Get inside your head. No movies, videos, etc.
As far as what others think, fuck them. They had their chance. Be selfish and be sorry for yourself all at the same time.
Look at old pictures of when you were younger in happier times.
It worked for me.
Then i took a double dose of SN and it didnt work.

 

[Sisyphus]

I just kind of figure when it gets bad enough then I will know it is time. What is important for me is to have the plans ready and the materials at hand so when I decide, then I will be able to. What scares most is knowing that when things get bad enough, I will not have the option to ctb.

For you, I would say doing whatever makes you feel worse would lead you to a dark place in which you could ctb. The fact that you have to think about it and hesitate is a good thing, because it means you are giving this the gravitas and consideration that an irreversible action like this deserves.

 

[Bullit]

Why do you think the sn didn't work???

 

[MellowAvenue]

A lot of it comes down to just not letting yourself give a crap anymore so that you can get past your own inherent survival instinct.

 

[ClairyFairy]

The 64 thousand dollar question

 

[ClownMe]

I wish i knew.

 

[Lost Magic]

This is what i did prior to my attempt......
It took about 7 to 8 days of being alone. No phone contact, no texts, emails, no social media. No sex of any kind. Hard drinking, frequently to pass out. Minimal food.
Looking at pictures of the begining to end of successful animal rescues, which seeing animals neglected breaks my heart.
Thinking about what i lost and what could have been.
No human interaction or contact. Sleep during the days and stay out of the light. Get inside your head. No movies, videos, etc.
As far as what others think, fuck them. They had their chance. Be selfish and be sorry for yourself all at the same time.
Look at old pictures of when you were younger in happier times.
It worked for me.
Then i took a double dose of SN and it didnt work.

Must have been crap SN or Nitrate.

 

[logan]

I think it varies from person to person.

If the suffering becomes greater than the SI, it is definitely possible.

 

[Lost Magic]

This summer was really boring and hot. Months have felt like years. I really don't want to go through all this shit again next year. By the way I wrote a list out of all the things in my life that are unbearable and beyond my control. I hope reading it in the future will give me the correct motivation to CTB.

 

[ContinuousJump]

It's a bit of a paradox... because of course nobody posting here can be an expert... because none of us has been successful (as of yet). It's kind of an issue of, "When the time is 'right', it will happen."

Although a suicide has other factors/fears that need to be addressed, here is a good video about breaking-down the usual "fears of death" into smaller, workable parts:

 

[Originaldon]

i don't believe you should have to work up the nerve to commit to it. You either want to or don't. If you cannot work up the nerve to even commit then you will fail when you have to take that final step as that is the nervous no going back point.

i have been thinking about this a lot recently and I believe there are 2 main outlooks. 1 is you are so irrationally depressed and desperate that you are urged to do it impulsively. The second is that you are content and sure about your decision and you can calmly plan and evaluate your arrangements and final affairs. A combination of the other (what I am having) seems to leave no doubt.

 

[hdahsa]

There is also the case of 'analysis paralysis'. What this means is that one keeps one thinking / analysing about something and does not take any action due to being paralysed with all the analysis. I am also guilty of overthinking and over analysing everything. Hence I am collecting the stuff necessary for the ctb method that I have chosen so that when I am ready then I can take immediate action and not start gathering stuff at the last moment.

 

[nobodyspecial]

I don't concern myself with what those who "care" about me think. If they really do care, they'll be happy that I'm no longer suffering.

As to how I chip away at preparing myself to ultimately do the deed, I withdraw from everyone. I rarely respond to texts, phone calls on my phone, and staying inside as much as possible. When I do have to go out in public, I try not to talk to anyone. Just get my mind used to not needing human interaction. Sounds weird, I know but it works for me. Everyone is different of course.

 

[VicMackey]

Must have been crap SN or Nitrate.

I used 20 grams of US domestic Nitrite and 20 grams of the jungle brand. Didnt work

 

[Lost Magic]

I used 20 grams of US domestic Nitrite and 20 grams of the jungle brand. Didnt work

how come? 20 grams is a lethal dose of pure NaNO2 .

 

[NoPointToContinue]

Let anger motivate you, if you are absolutely certain about it

 

[VicMackey]

how come? 20 grams is a lethal dose of pure NaNO2 .

The 2nd dose was my back up

 

[insanedoomer]

realising that we only want to ctb .

 

[FuneralCry]

For me, I just think I will reach the point of desperation and hopelessness eventually and then I will be able to overcome the SI.