How to voluntarily disappear like the Johatsu?

[disabledlife]

I can't stand my family anymore. I have a close relative (brother or sister, I prefer to remain vague here to anonymize them) who has succeeded in life because they were lucky enough to continue their studies despite their health, while my education, and therefore my life, was stolen from me. I live on benefits and try to find ways to make ends meet. My relative, who was still studying but also disabled, had the same income as me (my brother or sister, I'm remaining vague here). We used to travel a bit around the world, go out, attend events together... then when they became a doctor and found a boyfriend or girlfriend, almost the same age as me, much richer and... doing the same job I dreamed of, but with their good health, they moved in together. Since only my father and a close friend remained in my life, I decided to cut ties. I couldn't bear being the token disabled person anymore, the one constantly told it was their fault for being born this way, a burden on the family and society... I was rejected, excluded, no one listened to me. I banned myself from the countries that my close friend and their boyfriend or girlfriend (I'm being vague) had traveled to without me. I had dreamed of a healthy life with my own independent job, free from dependencies. Since I stopped speaking to anyone and never responded to their requests, this person, who is a doctor, still visits me with their boyfriend or girlfriend, even though I don't want to see them anymore. If only I had a side job without losing my benefits, because I'm still disabled, but my country, which I hate, cuts off my benefits if I work, knowing the risk of losing the job (a small job that will never be well-paid or commensurate with my career if I were healthy, since my studies were taken away from me). I'd never get my lost benefits back, and my health would be even worse without money. What a shitty country! And they still expect me to thank my parents for bringing me into the world; I could have done without them! It would be a peaceful, solitary end of life before CTB, in complete tranquility. I don't want to being an inmate of psychiatric hospital and drugs because I'm recovered by force. I resent my father and don't want to speak to him anymore because he beat and humiliated me in front of everyone when I was a child, a poor stupid man, incapable of recognizing that I already have the right to assisted suicide or euthanasia in a foreign country given my incurable diseases!

My close friend's boyfriend or girlfriend, who's the same age I'll be soon, had a lavish birthday party with their large family, beautiful gifts with four-figure prices, a video highlighting their life, and proof that they're well-loved and surrounded by loved ones. My birthday is coming up, and all I'll get is a meal out... I want to run away before my birthday and be unreachable, untrackable, and unmonitored. I want to escape somewhere else and forget everyone around me, who, by the way, have ignored me the rest of the time and who, suddenly, because I'm no longer responding to their requests, are using the excuse that something's happened to me and want to see me by force! I don't want to suffer the difference in living standards between me (disabled, not lazy as they'd like to call me in this shithole of a country, because strangely enough, no one's ever said that to me abroad) and my close friend anymore. I want to forget all of that and run away somewhere else without being found! And then, CTB if things get complicated, I'll never be found!