How to stop missing someone

[deflationary]

I think obsession is inherently negative because you're putting all of your eggs in one basket. That means your world can be wiped out in one move and you've invested nothing in yourself.

I think it's not inherently negative because to me having zero eggs in zero baskets is a totally possible scenario as well. And one egg in one basket clearly beats that.

I'm not even someone that can claim to have lived anything like a passionate life as a whole. I just had one brief glimpse of possible happiness and then it was gone again. It was nice while it lasted at least, even if the endpoint is even lower than where I started.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I think it's not inherently negative because to me having zero eggs in zero baskets is a totally possible scenario as well. And one egg in one basket clearly beats that.

I'm not even someone that can claim to have lived anything like a passionate life as a whole. I just had one brief glimpse of possible happiness and then it was gone again. It was nice while it lasted at least, even if the endpoint is even lower than where I started.

I feel like zero eggs is safer. Means having nothing to lose. Maybe that's just how I roll.

I've had high passion and none of it ended well because we could only stoke such fire by viewing each other unrealistically and watching it turn to hatred and then indifference. Knowing that the passion was never based on reality, I'd rather not go there again. I'd go so far as to say I don't think THAT much passion can ever be based on fact and that used to fuck me up. These days.. not so much.

 

[Gaybonez]

Please help me im ansolutely obsessed at this point and its not okay. I need to stop missing him. I sent a message to him again tofay but what was my stupid self even thinking? Nothing will happen anymore so why do I keep inssisting? I think I fell in love with him at 1 point in time and I feel it would have been the best if we still kept contact today and still be good friends he understood me the best I swear, I don't know what happened. But since it is how it is I need to forget him but it's almost impossible, I'll never encounter someone like him ever again. I regret the day I was an asshole to him.

1. Delete his number.
2. Either go into therapy to learn to sit with your own pain or learn to sit with your pain by yourself and let it pass.

I still obsess over a guy that I hung out with once well over a year ago. I just learn to sit with it when I feel rejected and sad because he didn't like me back. Funny thing is that he would he absolutely awful for me. I'm glad it didn't work out, but I still obsess over the idea of him. Be careful though, it's a very careful teeter between a toxic and healthy mindset. Your goal is to sit with your pain, process it in a healthy way, and move on. You don't want to end up saying "oh, this person is absolute shit and so is everyone else". Obviously if they were abusive then they are shit, but you get what I mean. If you don't follow exactly what I'm saying then I recommend therapy if you don't trust yourself to be objective about the scenario.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I am not sure how old you are? You seem pretty young. But there are potential partners out there. I have read some people on this forum who wanted to ctb due to a broken relationship. Being too obsessed about soemone else is not good.

20 and it wasn't a relationship, it was a friendship.

1. Delete his number.
2. Either go into therapy to learn to sit with your own pain or learn to sit with your pain by yourself and let it pass.

I still obsess over a guy that I hung out with once well over a year ago. I just learn to sit with it when I feel rejected and sad because he didn't like me back. Funny thing is that he would he absolutely awful for me. I'm glad it didn't work out, but I still obsess over the idea of him. Be careful though, it's a very careful teeter between a toxic and healthy mindset. Your goal is to sit with your pain, process it in a healthy way, and move on. You don't want to end up saying "oh, this person is absolute shit and so is everyone else". Obviously if they were abusive then they are shit, but you get what I mean. If you don't follow exactly what I'm saying then I recommend therapy if you don't trust yourself to be objective about the scenario.

Sometimes you simply can't move on and IMO therapy wouldn't do much. Like how could I manage to succesfully move on when that person was like my spiritual twin.

 

[Gaybonez]

20 and it wasn't a relationship, it was a friendship.

Sometimes you simply can't move on and IMO therapy wouldn't do much. Like how could I manage to succesfully move on when that person was like my spiritual twin.

Sorry, I didn't read your post completely. I'm lazy. Fair enough.

I don't know exactly how to help. Like I said, sit with it and carry your experience with you for the rest of your life. It's not easy, I know. But that's what I can give you. This is coming from an ex suicidal guy (suicidal for different reasons than the guy i mentioned). Granted, I'm on meds and it took me 2 years to process my depression, but for a lot of people it is possible to be happy.

And there's many different ways to process this. You said you never find another person like him, but that's probably false. You probably will. However, I'm the one to take things from worst case scenario's. I would learn to live from the assumption that you will indeed not find someone else (even though that's highly unlikely) and learn to sit with that discomfort. However, I'm assuming you're suicidal like many people here, so taking an extremist mindset like that is very dangerous considering the amount of pain you already deal with. I'm not, so it's """""""""""""""easier""""""""" for me to deal with that. Also, you might not work that way and you might be a hope driven person, so it may be more healthy to not think in worst case scenarios


I've never experienced what you are experiencing though, but my sincerest condolences.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Sorry, I didn't read your post completely. I'm lazy. Fair enough.

I don't know exactly how to help. Like I said, sit with it and carry your experience with you for the rest of your life. It's not easy, I know. But that's what I can give you. This is coming from an ex suicidal guy (suicidal for different reasons than the guy i mentioned). Granted, I'm on meds and it took me 2 years to process my depression, but for a lot of people it is possible to be happy.

And there's many different ways to process this. You said you never find another person like him, but that's probably false. You probably will. However, I'm the one to take things from worst case scenario's. I would learn to live from the assumption that you will indeed not find someone else (even though that's highly unlikely) and learn to sit with that discomfort. However, I'm assuming you're suicidal like many people here, so taking an extremist mindset like that is very dangerous considering the amount of pain you already deal with. I'm not, so it's """""""""""""""easier""""""""" for me to deal with that. Also, you might not work that way and you might be a hope driven person, so it may be more healthy to not think in worst case scenarios


I've never experienced what you are experiencing though, but my sincerest condolences.

Well, what else is there to do than suck it up and accept it?

 

[Gaybonez]

Well, what else is there to do than suck it up and accept it?

Make yourself miserable? That's always fun.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Make yourself miserable? That's always fun.

im already too miserable fam no need for more.