Help How to stay committed to ctb/how to stop changing my mind?

[m3nhera]

Basically what the title says, I always end up changing my mind and ruining all my plans and then I regret it. I need to figure out how to stop doing that so I can be gone in a few months. Survival instinct is super difficult for me and I often find that in rare moments of optimism I get tricked into thinking I don't want to die anymore, but I do and this is the only option for me. Somebody please help me how do I stay determined, I know this is what I truly want.

 

[itsallogrenow]

I'm going to be blunt, if you're changing your mind, it doesn't like you are truly ready

 

[m3nhera]

I'm going to be blunt, if you're changing your mind, it doesn't like you are truly ready

But how do I become ready I need to die by the end of this year please

 

[itsallogrenow]

But how do I become ready I need to die by the end of this year please

The only thing I can suggest is making aure you've done everything that you want/need to do before you go.

Whether that's visiting a certain place, visiting a friend etc.

That way you'll be at peace knowing you are done.

That's how I feel right now. Unfortunately my cat needs surgery now so I need to delay it again until she's fully recovered but I've done everything else I need to.

 

[m3nhera]

The only thing I can suggest is making aure you've done everything that you want/need to do before you go.

Whether that's visiting a certain place, visiting a friend etc.

That way you'll be at peace knowing you are done.

That's how I feel right now. Unfortunately my cat needs surgery now so I need to delay it again until she's fully recovered but I've done everything else I need to.

Thanks for the help, trying to find a method that seems reliable enough

 

[Willow]

I struggle with this too. If all goes according to plan today is my last day

 

[Jadeith]

I often find that in rare moments of optimism I get tricked into thinking I don't want to die anymore

Or, in more common moments of pessimism, you get tricked into thinking that you need to die.

I need to die by the end of this year

And why is that exactly, if you don't mind me asking? CTB is a choice but making that choice under any form of pressure is very bad idea. It's not a race or a way to prove anything.
Basically, what itsallogrenow wrote, to be ready is to be at peace with you leaving. And something tells me that at least some portion of your entity is far from being at peace with that.

 

[Warum]

you're not ready then. don't forget, this is the biggest decision you will ever make. if you're not fully at peace, it is not your time yet. pro choice does not mean pressuring yourself or others into it. take your time and think about what you seek truly.

 

[m3nhera]

you're not ready then. don't forget, this is the biggest decision you will ever make. if you're not fully at peace, it is not your time yet. pro choice does not mean pressuring yourself or others into it. take your time and think about what you seek truly.

I would never pressure someone else into doing it, I agree that this is a huge decision and nobody should coerce or push someone into doing so. It's a personal decision. Also you're right, if I have to pressure myself it's not my time yet. I don't want to feel forced. If I ctb I want it to be my true desire. Not something I feel I HAVE to do.

Or, in more common moments of pessimism, you get tricked into thinking that you need to die.

And why is that exactly, if you don't mind me asking? CTB is a choice but making that choice under any form of pressure is very bad idea. It's not a race or a way to prove anything.
Basically, what itsallogrenow wrote, to be ready is to be at peace with you leaving. And something tells me that at least some portion of your entity is far from being at peace with that.

Wait your first sentence is a new perspective to think about it. Also, to answer your question, it was because before college is perfect timing, it would be more of a mess during the end of senior year or when college has already started, yk? Also because I felt I was in so much pain I needed to die by the end of the year because I can't bear this any longer. But I must've been going through a very severe depressive episode when I wrote this post. Frankly, I didn't even remember writing this until I logged in today. I'm doing slightly better now, I guess.