How to say goodbye

[Theresnoescape]

Hi everyone,

How do I actually say goodbye to loved ones without actually saying anything?

I can't CTB without feeling like I haven't said goodbye. I guess the only way is by leaving notes (which I will be doing anyway).

I'm sick of this roller coaster of emotions, I know me and my ex are better off apart, I've hurt her and I wish I could take it back and start again but I can't. She does deserve to be happy and I just don't think it's possible while I'm still alive.

She's always said it wasn't my fault we've split, that it's on both of us and she doesn't hate me. But deep down I know that she does blame me, and she should to be honest, I was a useless partner really.

Anyway, don't even know what I'm saying anymore and I'm just spiralling more and more each day. So I'll stop there.

 

[diospyros.kaki]

answering your initial question.... probably notes, one last hangout with anyone you would like to do it with, leaving them something from you besides the note... these are things that come to mind when i think about this subject.

 

[Theresnoescape]

Yeah I think you're right, I wish it was as easy as saying "I'm going to kill myself now" then giving them a hug and that's it, then they all move on with there lives.

I think it's the thought of making others feel like I do now that truly stops me, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I've tried all kinds of medications, but I've felt this way my whole life really and I know deep down that's never going to change.

My only choices really are coming to terms with making people feel bad, or keep living with these feelings until I die naturally. Neither is a good choice.

 

[devils~advocate]

Well, I think it would be problematic to tell anyone outright that one will CTB.
In the ctb persons mind, they have thought about this a lot and have accepted it calmly over time.
Everyone else will be hearing it for the first time and they more than likely not take it too well.

In my case, I can't tell anyone that I know....family, co-workers, etc.
They will not accept it and would demand that I get help....which at this point in my life, no amount will keep this from happening.
My only friend that once got close in questioning my intent of me giving all my things away.....died two weeks ago. So that portion of my life is over.

It might be helpful to leave them something personal that explains things.
I have been recording many audio messages for my family that explain what I have done, why and an autobiography of my life.
I have several recordings now...about a few hours worth. I have to do more to finish up my story to them.
I explain that it isnt their fault....that they couldnt do anything to help me. That I have failed myself and them with my life....and that I am sorry for hurting them.

 

[diospyros.kaki]

Yeah I think you're right, I wish it was as easy as saying "I'm going to kill myself now" then giving them a hug and that's it, then they all move on with there lives.

I think it's the thought of making others feel like I do now that truly stops me, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I've tried all kinds of medications, but I've felt this way my whole life really and I know deep down that's never going to change.

My only choices really are coming to terms with making people feel bad, or keep living with these feelings until I die naturally. Neither is a good choice.

for sure it's not an easy decision. it all comes to what's worth more to you at this moment. be (trying to and hopefully succeeding in, if that's your decision) getting rid of all your suffering by ctb, or trying to get through life (suffering and loved ones included)