Help How to reveal a big secret that you've been keeping for a long time?

[Puffinz]

For the last year or so I've had suicidal thoughts and depressive symptoms every day. I've neglected all my responsibilities, bought a gun, and was planning to ctb this week. In the last month or so I've discovered that there might still be things that I can enjoy and that maybe there's a path for me in life. I need to come clean and talk to my parents about how I wasted a whole year and a lot of their money but I don't even know how to start a conversation about that. I'm also wondering if telling them I planned to kill myself is a bad idea. I think it would help them understand why I slacked off and didn't tell anyone but it could also cause a lot of problems.

 

[Bigpink]

It must have been to carry this alone for the last year, it's good that you have reached a place where you feel there's a path for you.
Starting a conversation may not be easy but you hopefully have a caring family who will be concerned you've suffered to this extent.
Wishing you the best

 

[KolK]

To be honest, I have no idea how you could broach such a subject. Do you have siblings whom you could speak to and perhaps help them help you broach the subject? Just wondering.

 

[Nymph]

This really depends on you, I don't know what kind of people your parents are. Are they understanding? Do you think they will get you? I don't think telling them you wanted to ctb is a bad thing because it is after all the main reason you did all those previous things ("sabotaged yourself" from your other post)

 

[Puffinz]

To be honest, I have no idea how you could broach such a subject. Do you have siblings whom you could speak to and perhaps help them help you broach the subject? Just wondering.

I'm an only child, but I think this is a good idea if anyone else is close with their siblings!

This really depends on you, I don't know what kind of people your parents are. Are they understanding? Do you think they will get you? I don't think telling them you wanted to ctb is a bad thing because it is after all the main reason you did all those previous things ("sabotaged yourself" from your other post)

I've never spoken with them about mental health before so I don't really know. They're good parents and they've never wronged me or stopped me from doing anything I want to do but we don't talk that much. I don't know if they'll think I'm lying or if they'll try to put me in a psych ward or anything because they don't understand how mental illness works. I'm hoping they will just understand and let me go back to school and keep working on things on my own.

 

[CuddleHug]

My advice is to tell them you've thought about killing yourself, but not mention you had a plan and a date for it. It should be enough for them to understand why you haven't been able to do the things you should have if they know you didn't want to live.

Obviously, every family is different and it's hard to say what will work for your situation. If you are unsure how they will take it, you could write a letter and say that you don't want to discuss it with them until they have had a few days to process it. Maybe not possible if you live with them, but writing a letter could still be a good idea.

From my experience and others I know, taking the step to tell them was the hardest part and it never goes as badly as you think. In my case, I got a big hug and "I love you no matter what". No judgement or anger at all, only the sadness and worry from knowing their child is suffering and going through something so difficult. Again, every family is different, but from you wrote, you seem to have a good relationship with your parents and I think they will take it better than you imagine.

Please do keep us updated and good luck with your difficult decision. Many hugs

 

[Sherri]

It's must been difficult to have kept that secret so hidden, you were using your happy face mask perhaps. If you get along with your parents and have a good relationship with them, I would say yes. "Come clean to tem". They are close family to you, it will probably worry them in the beginning but depression is more widely accepted these days in most places. I'm sure they will try to get you some help at the very least. Wish you good luck, to the path you choose. And I wouldn't mention the gun, that might scare them more. Hugs.

 

[awfullife]

I wouldn't mention the gun, mate. People get wigged out about that shit. Good luck.

 

[Nymph]

I'm an only child, but I think this is a good idea if anyone else is close with their siblings!

I've never spoken with them about mental health before so I don't really know. They're good parents and they've never wronged me or stopped me from doing anything I want to do but we don't talk that much. I don't know if they'll think I'm lying or if they'll try to put me in a psych ward or anything because they don't understand how mental illness works. I'm hoping they will just understand and let me go back to school and keep working on things on my own.

I know this sort of stuff is hard to talk about but try to sit down with your parents and talk to them about it. I have done this and my mom tries to understand me.

 

[KolK]

I wouldn't mention the gun, mate. People get wigged out about that shit. Good luck.

That's a good point.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

If your parents love you then they'll be more upset that you were so unhappy that you thought about killing yourself than they will be about losing some money.

People sometimes struggle to hear about suicide so maybe try to cushion the part about actually planning to ctb - it doesn't mean they don't love you or that you cant trust them - that's just how people are.

I cant promise you that theres no risk of them taking it badly, but they might also be really understanding and supporting. I never knew until after I told my dad about feeling suicidal that he had tried to kill himself too when he was younger. It actually brought us closer together.

 

[Puffinz]

Just an update for anyone that is interested. I talked to my parents and it went well. They support me and encouraged me to talk to a therapist. Thank you all for the kind words it really helped me have the confidence to finally talk to them.

 

[Miss_Takes]

I was just reading this thread and am so grateful you have updated.
It must be a big weight off you to have spoken to them. Thats a very courageous thing to do. Well done.
I am glad it went well.
Just remember to take it all slowly and keep talking to them (and therapist).
I wish you all the very best.

 

[TriggerHappy]

have been reading the thread: interesting to know why you think it's better not telling anyone about the gun? when my partner shot himself i found out he'd had the revolver hidden for over 7months (i found the receipt)
weird I felt a bit shut out by his failure to disclose this, even in his note (even though he'd o.d'd a few times) his recovery relapse recovery path wore him down (as it has me) does the gun make it more 'real' than finding meds / drugs / blades?
felt like he could tell me anything (and did) but this extra-special-secret gun-shooting-stars thing freaked me out (even more than the night he hid in the roof like a feral cat)
maybe the gun was something i couldn't resuscitate him with.
yeah, being on the other side is tough (picking brain matter out your lover's nose watching him die; suicide is u.g.l.y - no glamour goth sleepscenes yeah!!!) if only i had the guts [and didn't walk in with a friend] i'd've shot myself.

maybe that's why i'm trigger happy.

 

[Tortured_empath]

I don't have anything wise or insightful to say, but I just wanted to say that I have also been keeping a lot of things to myself for a long time. Sometimes I think about telling it to someone close and I hope someday I will. So godspeed on what seems to me as a admirable endeavor which I want to be able to too one day.

 

[aneurysm]

For the last year or so I've had suicidal thoughts and depressive symptoms every day. I've neglected all my responsibilities, bought a gun, and was planning to ctb this week. In the last month or so I've discovered that there might still be things that I can enjoy and that maybe there's a path for me in life. I need to come clean and talk to my parents about how I wasted a whole year and a lot of their money but I don't even know how to start a conversation about that. I'm also wondering if telling them I planned to kill myself is a bad idea. I think it would help them understand why I slacked off and didn't tell anyone but it could also cause a lot of problems.

Write the whole story on a piece of paper, then break it down in smaller parts (sentences). Then everyday, slowly but surely throw a few words around from your list. By the end of, s-y, a week, you'd have confessed

 

[LunarPyotr]

I would not mention the gun and that you had suicidal thoughts. If they ask if you planned to kill yourself, just say that you didn't planned that because you love them (your parents) and don't want to see them sad or upset.
This could work in my opinion.