lawlietsph
can we be done here
- May 6, 2023
- 36
Can I please just vent? I am so tired.
I've had to make the decision to put down my dear doggo in march. He suffered a lot from kidney disease. My brain is trying not to remember him since the day he died. It hurts too much.
Then a couple weeks ago my cat has gotten sick too. Hm, kidney disease again... I've spent all my money on trying to save her, we've been in the clinic many times. She looked better for a while, but now she's looking very sick again and there's nothing more we can do to save her. I am terrified.
I have a shetland pony who's also gotten lame on her front leg and according to the vet, she's in huuuge pain. It might be "just a small problem", but still it's horrible to see her suffering.
I am so so so tired.
I've had to make so many phone calls in the past weeks. Calling the vets all over again... Talking to people... Getting up at night to take care of my pets, giving them medicine, etc... I am exhausted.
My animals are the reason I am breathing. I am nothing without them. I am sooooooo tired.
Feeling like ctb since the age of 13. I am 28 now. There's not a single day that goes by without me wanting to end it all. I just want to rest and rot.
You know, I've never been into relationships, it makes me feel weird but ;
I've met a boy last summer (i'm a girl btw). We've had a long distance relationship.
I loved him so much. For the first time in my life i've felt safe. He gave me safety and attention, promised me the world, the moon and the stars.
Until one day he just... didn't love me anymore.
Can I please tell you the things he said to me? It burns my soul from the inside still.
So one day out of nowhere he said he doesn't want me anymore. Obviously I was in shock, confused and terrified.
I started begging and crying, screaming through the phone "NO NO NO NO NO I LOVE YOU I WILL DIE IF YOU LEAVE ME WHAT IS HAPPENING PLEASE EXPLAIN I DON'T UNDERSTAND"
You know what he said? This man, who meant the world to me, who told me he will never make me cry got silent for a second. Then I've heard an emotionless voice from the phone: "You know, if you wanna die, just die."
He promised to marry me just a week before. My heart shattered into millions of pieces and never recovered.
And then.
He got really mad because I was begging, crying, calling and texting him over and over again. We got on facetime. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "You're ugly. And disgusting. No wonder nobody wants you. But I still get horny from talking to you, so if you want me to stay, act like a bitch and send me videos of yourself. From now on, you are nothing but a cheap bitch for me. Ugly whore, you are disgusting."
This man was telling me his deepest secrets just days before. This man called me babygirl, cute, beautiful. You have to know that I deeply hate myself, but I have the purest soul in the world. I've never been with anyone, never had my first kiss, nothing. And for him to call me a cheap bitch is... Well, I have no words.
You know, after this conversation I could not eat or drink for a whole week. I was sleeping and crying nonstop and that's all. No matter how many times I've texted, he sent me an emoji and that's all. Then I stopped talking to him too. But some days later I've started to have intense chest pains. It was so scary, I genuinely thought that it's a heart attack. Looking back now I think it was just my heart breaking into pieces.
And then, these chest pains have stopped. Instead I developed psoriasis on my whole body. I have it since childhood, but only on my head and some tiny spots here and there. But this time - my whole body was covered in red, itchy spots. He destroyed me. He made me feel disgusting and ugly. Unlovable.
It has been 5 months already since the last time we spoke, but I cannot heal. Not even a tiny bit.
I only want him, him, and him. Only he could make me feel better - my abuser.
He promised me that he will get me out of here from my toxic family. He broke all his promises.
I just want to die. I am soooooo tired.
Miss my doggo so much. I am truly ugly and worthless.
I can't even get a proper job - it's just surviving in my old, worn out clothes, eating cheap junk food. This is not life, it's pure pain.
I've had to make the decision to put down my dear doggo in march. He suffered a lot from kidney disease. My brain is trying not to remember him since the day he died. It hurts too much.
Then a couple weeks ago my cat has gotten sick too. Hm, kidney disease again... I've spent all my money on trying to save her, we've been in the clinic many times. She looked better for a while, but now she's looking very sick again and there's nothing more we can do to save her. I am terrified.
I have a shetland pony who's also gotten lame on her front leg and according to the vet, she's in huuuge pain. It might be "just a small problem", but still it's horrible to see her suffering.
I am so so so tired.
I've had to make so many phone calls in the past weeks. Calling the vets all over again... Talking to people... Getting up at night to take care of my pets, giving them medicine, etc... I am exhausted.
My animals are the reason I am breathing. I am nothing without them. I am sooooooo tired.
Feeling like ctb since the age of 13. I am 28 now. There's not a single day that goes by without me wanting to end it all. I just want to rest and rot.
You know, I've never been into relationships, it makes me feel weird but ;
I've met a boy last summer (i'm a girl btw). We've had a long distance relationship.
I loved him so much. For the first time in my life i've felt safe. He gave me safety and attention, promised me the world, the moon and the stars.
Until one day he just... didn't love me anymore.
Can I please tell you the things he said to me? It burns my soul from the inside still.
So one day out of nowhere he said he doesn't want me anymore. Obviously I was in shock, confused and terrified.
I started begging and crying, screaming through the phone "NO NO NO NO NO I LOVE YOU I WILL DIE IF YOU LEAVE ME WHAT IS HAPPENING PLEASE EXPLAIN I DON'T UNDERSTAND"
You know what he said? This man, who meant the world to me, who told me he will never make me cry got silent for a second. Then I've heard an emotionless voice from the phone: "You know, if you wanna die, just die."
He promised to marry me just a week before. My heart shattered into millions of pieces and never recovered.
And then.
He got really mad because I was begging, crying, calling and texting him over and over again. We got on facetime. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "You're ugly. And disgusting. No wonder nobody wants you. But I still get horny from talking to you, so if you want me to stay, act like a bitch and send me videos of yourself. From now on, you are nothing but a cheap bitch for me. Ugly whore, you are disgusting."
This man was telling me his deepest secrets just days before. This man called me babygirl, cute, beautiful. You have to know that I deeply hate myself, but I have the purest soul in the world. I've never been with anyone, never had my first kiss, nothing. And for him to call me a cheap bitch is... Well, I have no words.
You know, after this conversation I could not eat or drink for a whole week. I was sleeping and crying nonstop and that's all. No matter how many times I've texted, he sent me an emoji and that's all. Then I stopped talking to him too. But some days later I've started to have intense chest pains. It was so scary, I genuinely thought that it's a heart attack. Looking back now I think it was just my heart breaking into pieces.
And then, these chest pains have stopped. Instead I developed psoriasis on my whole body. I have it since childhood, but only on my head and some tiny spots here and there. But this time - my whole body was covered in red, itchy spots. He destroyed me. He made me feel disgusting and ugly. Unlovable.
It has been 5 months already since the last time we spoke, but I cannot heal. Not even a tiny bit.
I only want him, him, and him. Only he could make me feel better - my abuser.
He promised me that he will get me out of here from my toxic family. He broke all his promises.
I just want to die. I am soooooo tired.
Miss my doggo so much. I am truly ugly and worthless.
I can't even get a proper job - it's just surviving in my old, worn out clothes, eating cheap junk food. This is not life, it's pure pain.
