WPeregrine
New Member
- Jul 22, 2026
- 2
I have a serious problem with the internet... I've struggled with it basically ever since my teenage years (I'm now 36), when my dad made the only real mistake in my upbringing, allowing me to have our old PC in my room (as opposed to supervised in our living room)... I have become aware that this is a real problem for me, since about 10 years now. I've taken a lot of steps to try and get a grip on the problem, and on the surface it probably doesn't look so terrible anymore, but it is still disrupting my life, and I hate how impossible it seems to get my shit together.
I've long since deleted my social media accounts (Facebook, Instagram, Reddit - though the latter I've returned and deleted multiple times). Discord became a thing later as well, but I've abandoned that too since the last half year. TikTok blessedly I knew to stay away from when that entered the scene.
Gaming I've never really done on PC; phone games I did manage to quit.
I got a tiny 3" smartphone to curb my problems with that device (which was actually reasonably succesful, but the screen time is now just moved to my laptop).
I have set my browser to delete all tabs and browsing data on closing, so I cannot start where I left off the day before, and need to log in again to each account every time, which does help a bit, but its not quite enough.
My current online activities seem relatively innocent on the surface - basically only hobby/interest forums, which are a wealth of knowledge which makes them valuable; but the social part of it is extremely addictive for me, and can litterally keep me engaged for hours on end, to the point of endlessly refreshing pages to see if there's any reactions on my posts etc. Reddit remains dangerous for the same reasons, and I've one month ago deleted yet another new account... And to be honest, I have mixed feelings on registering here as well for that reason...
YouTube is a struggle as well sometimes, but turning off my search history and unsubscribing from all channels has tamed it a bit. When I open it now there's just a blank page and no notifications, which does stop me in my tracks. But when I get linked to YouTube from somewhere else, there's still a list of suggested videos to send me spiraling down, so it still happens from time to time.
Sometimes online shopping is a problem - not in the sense that I often buy unneccesary things (not anymore at least), but I tend to get obsessive when I need something new that is more involved than a pair of socks (although, even a pair of socks once sent me down a rabbithole), researching for days till deep in the night to find the best brand/model/whatever.
And lastly, porn is also part of it ofcourse, though its honestly not really what keeps me glued to the screen for long times (when I'm done I'm usually done for a day or 2), but it is often the lure that gets me to fire up the laptop in the first place.
By themselves all not very problematic activities (except for porn maybe one could argue), but I get lost in it to a degree that is disfunctional. I often order food instead of cooking, eventhough my fridge is stocked, simply because I'm browsing the web, and interrupting that to cook a healthy and tasty dinner is too much effort in that moment. If I do manage to cook, I usually get drawn straight back into whatever I was browsing, eating my meal behind the computer, and then neglecting the dishes. And then depending on my state of mind, I might go on till deep in the night and loose sleep. There's many creative ideas that never become reality because of this. I sometimes say no to outings, or skip sports classes. I neglect my chores and my household is frequently a gross mess (though I luckily still have that threshold where even I cannot live with the mess anymore and cleaning up just has to happen). Even the attempt to start my own full time business failed, in part due to this addiction. And all the goals I have currently set myself, are basically falling apart because I distract myself online.
On days that I manage to leave the computer and my phone off for a good part of the day, I'm invariably 10x more productive, and feel much happier in general. If I could throw those devices out the window I would in an instant!! But, as I'm still doing some free lance projects every now and then, I'm dependent on my laptop... And in September I'll be starting a new job, which is 100% working from home, cementing the damn device even more into my life. And I fear that, being on my PC working from home, will mean my addictive behaviors will be even more difficult to control...
I have tried to discipline myself in the past. For example by limiting my PC time to only after having finished the dishes after dinner. For so long as I manage that, life is bliss. But it usually fails after at most a week, whenever I've had a stressful day, or slept bad, or am sick, or whatever other mood that disrupts normal routine - I will fall back into the addictive behavoir, stay up till way aftefr bedtime - and then next day waking up tired, which kills the remainder of discipline, and I'm back to square one... Any variation on that kind of strategy, has always failed in the same manner, for as many times as I have tried it...
I have tried blocking certain websites through opendns, but that's easy to circumvent if you're the one setting it up in the first place.
I have tried banning my laptop from the living room. But that after some time just means my office room becomes the living room, which is even worse.
Earlier today I wrote another post on here, about not seeing the point in life, and considering just ending it... I realize now that one important reason why I don't see the point in life, is that all my dreams do not even have any chance of becoming reality, because I'm cought up in this addictive behavior. I'll never have that motivation for living life, so long as I'm just distracting myself with that internet addiction. Its a life without agency; anything I do, I do because others require it, or just to survive; for anything else I don't have motivation, because the addiction sucks it out of me.
Pleae help! How do I get my shit together, when I cannot just throw out my computer, like an alcoholic would throw out their booze! I realize getting rid of the addictive substance is only one half of the solution, but it just seems impossible if that is not even an option as it is with my PC. I've tried everything I can think of in the past 10 years... I truly feel I should not allow this to be the thing that ultimately drives me to CTB... but I'm at a loss...
I've long since deleted my social media accounts (Facebook, Instagram, Reddit - though the latter I've returned and deleted multiple times). Discord became a thing later as well, but I've abandoned that too since the last half year. TikTok blessedly I knew to stay away from when that entered the scene.
Gaming I've never really done on PC; phone games I did manage to quit.
I got a tiny 3" smartphone to curb my problems with that device (which was actually reasonably succesful, but the screen time is now just moved to my laptop).
I have set my browser to delete all tabs and browsing data on closing, so I cannot start where I left off the day before, and need to log in again to each account every time, which does help a bit, but its not quite enough.
My current online activities seem relatively innocent on the surface - basically only hobby/interest forums, which are a wealth of knowledge which makes them valuable; but the social part of it is extremely addictive for me, and can litterally keep me engaged for hours on end, to the point of endlessly refreshing pages to see if there's any reactions on my posts etc. Reddit remains dangerous for the same reasons, and I've one month ago deleted yet another new account... And to be honest, I have mixed feelings on registering here as well for that reason...
YouTube is a struggle as well sometimes, but turning off my search history and unsubscribing from all channels has tamed it a bit. When I open it now there's just a blank page and no notifications, which does stop me in my tracks. But when I get linked to YouTube from somewhere else, there's still a list of suggested videos to send me spiraling down, so it still happens from time to time.
Sometimes online shopping is a problem - not in the sense that I often buy unneccesary things (not anymore at least), but I tend to get obsessive when I need something new that is more involved than a pair of socks (although, even a pair of socks once sent me down a rabbithole), researching for days till deep in the night to find the best brand/model/whatever.
And lastly, porn is also part of it ofcourse, though its honestly not really what keeps me glued to the screen for long times (when I'm done I'm usually done for a day or 2), but it is often the lure that gets me to fire up the laptop in the first place.
By themselves all not very problematic activities (except for porn maybe one could argue), but I get lost in it to a degree that is disfunctional. I often order food instead of cooking, eventhough my fridge is stocked, simply because I'm browsing the web, and interrupting that to cook a healthy and tasty dinner is too much effort in that moment. If I do manage to cook, I usually get drawn straight back into whatever I was browsing, eating my meal behind the computer, and then neglecting the dishes. And then depending on my state of mind, I might go on till deep in the night and loose sleep. There's many creative ideas that never become reality because of this. I sometimes say no to outings, or skip sports classes. I neglect my chores and my household is frequently a gross mess (though I luckily still have that threshold where even I cannot live with the mess anymore and cleaning up just has to happen). Even the attempt to start my own full time business failed, in part due to this addiction. And all the goals I have currently set myself, are basically falling apart because I distract myself online.
On days that I manage to leave the computer and my phone off for a good part of the day, I'm invariably 10x more productive, and feel much happier in general. If I could throw those devices out the window I would in an instant!! But, as I'm still doing some free lance projects every now and then, I'm dependent on my laptop... And in September I'll be starting a new job, which is 100% working from home, cementing the damn device even more into my life. And I fear that, being on my PC working from home, will mean my addictive behaviors will be even more difficult to control...
I have tried to discipline myself in the past. For example by limiting my PC time to only after having finished the dishes after dinner. For so long as I manage that, life is bliss. But it usually fails after at most a week, whenever I've had a stressful day, or slept bad, or am sick, or whatever other mood that disrupts normal routine - I will fall back into the addictive behavoir, stay up till way aftefr bedtime - and then next day waking up tired, which kills the remainder of discipline, and I'm back to square one... Any variation on that kind of strategy, has always failed in the same manner, for as many times as I have tried it...
I have tried blocking certain websites through opendns, but that's easy to circumvent if you're the one setting it up in the first place.
I have tried banning my laptop from the living room. But that after some time just means my office room becomes the living room, which is even worse.
Earlier today I wrote another post on here, about not seeing the point in life, and considering just ending it... I realize now that one important reason why I don't see the point in life, is that all my dreams do not even have any chance of becoming reality, because I'm cought up in this addictive behavior. I'll never have that motivation for living life, so long as I'm just distracting myself with that internet addiction. Its a life without agency; anything I do, I do because others require it, or just to survive; for anything else I don't have motivation, because the addiction sucks it out of me.
Pleae help! How do I get my shit together, when I cannot just throw out my computer, like an alcoholic would throw out their booze! I realize getting rid of the addictive substance is only one half of the solution, but it just seems impossible if that is not even an option as it is with my PC. I've tried everything I can think of in the past 10 years... I truly feel I should not allow this to be the thing that ultimately drives me to CTB... but I'm at a loss...
