How to prepare others?

[CMPIETRZAK]

For several years now, the only reason I remain in this world is fear, with solid justification, of the impact my leaving will have on my wife and a handful of others. My feelings about this have evolved from a sense of responsibility and honor to a growing resentment of being morally trapped. If I could find a way to believe that I have done my best for my loved ones and soften the blow with some sort of emotional preparation for them, I'd CT next B. Honestly, I would have done so years ago...my reasons are steady.

Can any of you give me a perspective on a path out of this trap of being committed to others? For instance, I have thought about behaving badly to break the relationships first; but that would be a deception I struggle to visualize, and I might fail. I have thought about just disappearing, but the lack of closure that leaves behind may be more painful for them.

 

[TBONTB]

This is so hard, I have a similar situation. I don't really have an answer to your question, as I don't have one to mine but I did want to extend empathy to you.

I honestly don't know if there's anyway to soften the blow..it's a large blow. This is where people without a partner have an advantage over the married amongst us


Does your wife know at all what's on your mind? Do you and your wife enjoy each other? Would you be able to leave her in a situation that's secure financially?

good luck...

 

[CMPIETRZAK]

Thanks for this.

Yes, my wife knows my feelings. When I first turned the corner, as it were, about a decade ago she was super supportive, had me see a psyche, rallied friends, etc. My psyche is outstanding and amazingly not judgmental as much as rational. (Interestingly, I am one of his few patients that is not a doctor. That is his specialty.) My wife would be financially secure. You may find interesting that we even have discussed a couple of times leaving together when we're much older and basically feel like we've lived our full lives. So really, I have tons of reasonable, empathetic support from a lot of directions and I don't feel like I am being pressured externally by anybody.

This is all my internal conflict - my sense of responsibility to enhance my wife's life (which she says I do despite my state of mind, and I believe her) and some friends and to not hurt any of them versus my own pain. My pain is bearable so I mush on, but it will persist as its nature is not temporary, so I'd rather not carry on if I could only find a way not to harm people I love in any enduring way. Shocks pass, but I have reason to believe my leaving would cause lasting pain for my wife in particular. I do love her and don't feel she "depends" upon me.

I wish I could find a way clear to call it quits and not leave an enduring legacy of pain.