I started dating a girl that tried to destroy my life. How can I not hate that dumb bitch? I never hated anyone in my life before, it's not doing me well
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NSA
Your friendly neighborhood agent
- Feb 21, 2022
- 289
Whats wrong with hating her? Like thinking too much about it? I dont understand forgiveness rhetoric personally unless the other person is genuinely trying to make up for it. it just makes me feel weak.
Thinking too much/feeling too much I treat it like any other intrusive thoughts. Distraction, reasoning it out then deliberately pushing it off to the side, [insert coping method here]. Success in the moment varies.
Cloud Busting
Formerly pinkribbonscars
- Sep 9, 2023
- 673
Interesting. You never forget, but that's different from forgiveness. To me it is weak not to forgive. It means that person still holds power over you if you refuse. There is power in letting go, in creating a new arc in your story, in reframing your experience to mean something more grand, to see a painful piece as one part of a whole than an insular narrative, a thing that doesn't define you. If you refuse to forgive and hold onto hate, aren't you just stooping to their level? I prefer to be the bigger person.
I love this song, it really speaks to me:
The courage to unlearn their hatred
There are studies showing that if you hold onto resentment and hate during trauma, it's harder to let go and leads to believing in revenge and further reinforces the cycle of violence and generational trauma rather than creating a new path forward with new opportunities for people to pursue. Why hold on when you can move onto something better if you have the luxury?
If you're interested in the research I can cook it up for you
