Help How to make it easier for family and friends?

[coinflip]

I have a tentative plan to CTB in about September or October of this year. I say tentative because I have very specific conditions that will determine if I CTB or not, and it's essentially just a waiting game to see how it will turn out.

Fortunately (if "fortunately" is the right word here) I don't have very many close people in my life anymore to have to worry about. I live alone in a new city where I know next to nobody, having lost touch with most of my friends from years past (or otherwise having bridges burned irreparably between us). I haven't used social media for about 3 years, and I got a new phone number a few months ago which I did not give to many people, so most people probably aren't even aware if I still even exist. I'm virtually a ghost already.

The problem I'm currently having is what to do in the mean time to make things easier for the close people in my life (well, as close as anyone can be to me) who I know still care about me, and who I still care about. I've decided I'm going to leave a note (I'm intending to leave one for each person pretty much), and I'm not going to tell anyone ahead of time. But what about the next 6-ish months? Basically I guess I'm trying to figure out: is it better to try to distance myself this year from them (in an attempt to make it hurt less for them), or is it better to try to keep maintaining that relationship with them so they have more memories of me and don't have to feel like "on in hindsight he was so distant, I should have reached out more" essentially blaming themselves for my death.

I know either way, the pain is probably unavoidable. But how can I minimize it?

 

[Battlebox]

i think the best thing u can do is prob to make it look like an accident. that way they wont feel as if its their fault or that they should have done something. idk what ctb method you want to use but making it look like an accident will cause people close to you the least pain

 

[coinflip]

i think the best thing u can do is prob to make it look like an accident. that way they wont feel as if its their fault or that they should have done something. idk what ctb method you want to use but making it look like an accident will cause people close to you the least pain

I've considered that very heavily, but I also don't want to risk failure when I CTB. Guns seem to be the most reliable method from my research (and a quick method at that), and I live in the U.S. so I may as well take advantage of the privileges of "the land of the free" haha. When I'm out walking in the city I imagine someone trying to rob me, and me in return bribing them, asking them to kill me, because I feel like it would be easier for people if it wasn't something that I did to myself.

 

[sansydansy]

I have a tentative plan to CTB in about September or October of this year. I say tentative because I have very specific conditions that will determine if I CTB or not, and it's essentially just a waiting game to see how it will turn out.

Fortunately (if "fortunately" is the right word here) I don't have very many close people in my life anymore to have to worry about. I live alone in a new city where I know next to nobody, having lost touch with most of my friends from years past (or otherwise having bridges burned irreparably between us). I haven't used social media for about 3 years, and I got a new phone number a few months ago which I did not give to many people, so most people probably aren't even aware if I still even exist. I'm virtually a ghost already.

The problem I'm currently having is what to do in the mean time to make things easier for the close people in my life (well, as close as anyone can be to me) who I know still care about me, and who I still care about. I've decided I'm going to leave a note (I'm intending to leave one for each person pretty much), and I'm not going to tell anyone ahead of time. But what about the next 6-ish months? Basically I guess I'm trying to figure out: is it better to try to distance myself this year from them (in an attempt to make it hurt less for them), or is it better to try to keep maintaining that relationship with them so they have more memories of me and don't have to feel like "on in hindsight he was so distant, I should have reached out more" essentially blaming themselves for my death.

I know either way, the pain is probably unavoidable. But how can I minimize it?

Hey coinflip, how are you?

I have a tentative plan to CTB in about September or October of this year. I say tentative because I have very specific conditions that will determine if I CTB or not, and it's essentially just a waiting game to see how it will turn out.

Fortunately (if "fortunately" is the right word here) I don't have very many close people in my life anymore to have to worry about. I live alone in a new city where I know next to nobody, having lost touch with most of my friends from years past (or otherwise having bridges burned irreparably between us). I haven't used social media for about 3 years, and I got a new phone number a few months ago which I did not give to many people, so most people probably aren't even aware if I still even exist. I'm virtually a ghost already.

The problem I'm currently having is what to do in the mean time to make things easier for the close people in my life (well, as close as anyone can be to me) who I know still care about me, and who I still care about. I've decided I'm going to leave a note (I'm intending to leave one for each person pretty much), and I'm not going to tell anyone ahead of time. But what about the next 6-ish months? Basically I guess I'm trying to figure out: is it better to try to distance myself this year from them (in an attempt to make it hurt less for them), or is it better to try to keep maintaining that relationship with them so they have more memories of me and don't have to feel like "on in hindsight he was so distant, I should have reached out more" essentially blaming themselves for my death.

I know either way, the pain is probably unavoidable. But how can I minimize it?

Hey coinflip how are you?

 

[bcl001]

I've considered that very heavily, but I also don't want to risk failure when I CTB. Guns seem to be the most reliable method from my research (and a quick method at that), and I live in the U.S. so I may as well take advantage of the privileges of "the land of the free" haha. When I'm out walking in the city I imagine someone trying to rob me, and me in return bribing them, asking them to kill me, because I feel like it would be easier for people if it wasn't something that I did to myself.

I think accidental is the best way to go. Before by depression and suicidal ideation became common knowledge, death by accident was my go too. In short, take up an adventure sport and purposely fuck it up. A climbing accident was always my plan. Severing a rope isn't all that hard and has been known to happen. That way people can say "well at least he/she died doing what they loved".

Walking into a bad neighborhood and getting "mugged" might also be a strat in "the land of the free"

 

[coinflip]

Hey coinflip, how are you?

Hey coinflip how are you?

Marginally better, more at peace since I decided to CTB and secured my method. How are you?

 

[sansydansy]

Not so great, I won't be at peace if I know another person dies. Do you want to talk?

 

[Raven_Nevermore]

I, too, am seriously contemplating this. Unfortunately, I have a terrible mental health and multiple suicide attempts history and I reside with my parents. So far I have my family believing that I'm doing significantly better than I was a couple years ago and they're so clueless. Granted, isolation from others is very common with depression. Another reason I'm isolating even more from some of those dearest to me is because I want and maybe need for them to see for themselves that their lives will be far better and happier when I'm gone permanently. So far, I recently pulled so far away from a friend, she has blocked me and unfriended me. I know it was necessary for her to do for her own well-being because the sad truth is I am so toxic to those around me. I DON'T MEAN TO BE TOXIC to others. I DON'T MEAN to bring others down with my depression. I CAN'T ALWAYS entertain others with my sense of humor. As hard as I try. Or wear the FAKE smile others, including family members expect or want me to. Then it's MORE frustrating when I must live THIS lie (pretending I'm happy or at least okay). Then, others can/might get mad at me if and when they find out I'm lying to them by not telling them somehow that things are not okay with me. It's like DAMNED IF I'M HONEST WITH THEM AND DAMNED IF I LIE ABOUT IT!!! Nobody fucking wins!

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[TheDutchKid]

I have a tentative plan to CTB in about September or October of this year. I say tentative because I have very specific conditions that will determine if I CTB or not, and it's essentially just a waiting game to see how it will turn out.

Fortunately (if "fortunately" is the right word here) I don't have very many close people in my life anymore to have to worry about. I live alone in a new city where I know next to nobody, having lost touch with most of my friends from years past (or otherwise having bridges burned irreparably between us). I haven't used social media for about 3 years, and I got a new phone number a few months ago which I did not give to many people, so most people probably aren't even aware if I still even exist. I'm virtually a ghost already.

The problem I'm currently having is what to do in the mean time to make things easier for the close people in my life (well, as close as anyone can be to me) who I know still care about me, and who I still care about. I've decided I'm going to leave a note (I'm intending to leave one for each person pretty much), and I'm not going to tell anyone ahead of time. But what about the next 6-ish months? Basically I guess I'm trying to figure out: is it better to try to distance myself this year from them (in an attempt to make it hurt less for them), or is it better to try to keep maintaining that relationship with them so they have more memories of me and don't have to feel like "on in hindsight he was so distant, I should have reached out more" essentially blaming themselves for my death.

I know either way, the pain is probably unavoidable. But how can I minimize it?

I'd say the best way to make it easy on your family is either
1. "accident"
2. make them hate u before u CTB
I've been thinking about CTB too, I'll likely make my family hate me myself personally since an accidental death would be impossible for me.

 

[Ambivalent1]

They will grow from the experience. Maybe our deaths are meant to be a kick in the ass for someone we know so that they can fulfill their potential. Maybe they will learn compassion for people they had always looked down on before.

 

[FutureHanger]

if your method makes it possible, CTB in a place they won't find then schedule an email or leave a note for police and family to know where your body is as you don't want to attempt at an area they'll regularly pass/see if possible as seeing that area will worsen flashbacks, if you have an idea of what your family might think (Are they religious? Do you think they'd blame themselves? etc.) try address those things in your note by specifying that they couldn't have saved you and it wasn't their fault.

 

[Valky]

They will grow from the experience. Maybe our deaths are meant to be a kick in the ass for someone we know so that they can fulfill their potential. Maybe they will learn compassion for people they had always looked down on before.

They will grow indeed but from the pain. It is unfair. It is unfair in both ways. There is no right or wrong, both options seem like shit. Staying for others but suffering or let others suffer but yours stops. It is selfish of you or selfish of them. The only thing you can do is write a goodbye note, stating that it was not their fault and thanking them for their love and support but that life (or whatever you are struggling with) just got too heavy for you to bear any longer and that you felt like there was nothing they could have done to save you. Just give them reassurance.

The problem is that they will blame themselves either way.
If you decide to distance yourself they well blame themselves for not reaching out to you more. Like they could have changed the outcome if only they had paid more attention to you.
If you decide to try and make as much memories as possible they will blame themselves for not seeing the signs.

They will ponder about any kind of interactions, so I personally think that making new and beautiful ones is a nice thing to leave behind for them but at the end of the day that decision is up to you!
wishing you peace and comfort, no matter what you decide to do!

 

[Ambivalent1]

They will grow indeed but from the pain. It is unfair. It is unfair in both ways. There is no right or wrong, both options seem like shit. Staying for others but suffering or let others suffer but yours stops. It is selfish of you or selfish of them. The only thing you can do is write a goodbye note, stating that it was not their fault and thanking them for their love and support but that life (or whatever you are struggling with) just got too heavy for you to bear any longer and that you felt like there was nothing they could have done to save you. Just give them reassurance.

The problem is that they will blame themselves either way.
If you decide to distance yourself they well blame themselves for not reaching out to you more. Like they could have changed the outcome if only they had paid more attention to you.
If you decide to try and make as much memories as possible they will blame themselves for not seeing the signs.

They will ponder about any kind of interactions, so I personally think that making new and beautiful ones is a nice thing to leave behind for them but at the end of the day that decision is up to you!
wishing you peace and comfort, no matter what you decide to do!

I don't care about sentimental things like that. Thank God I don't have that burdening me.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

At least people I care about will not get traumatized. They will at most see a death certificate w/o reason listed, the whole story will hardly get to media. So, for them it will be an accident. And those who betrayed me deserve punishment.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't care about sentimental things like that. Thank God I don't have that burdening me.

I relate. I'm glad that I don't care about sentimental things such as the reactions of other people regarding my death. I mean, I don't really care about anything in life and I'm glad this is one of them

 

[Ambivalent1]

I relate. I'm glad that I don't care about sentimental things such as the reactions of other people regarding my death. I mean, I don't really care about anything in life and I'm glad this is one of them

I wonder why we don't care

 

[theboy]

Leave a letter

 

[ShadowsBeforeDawn]

The problem I'm currently having is what to do in the mean time to make things easier for the close people in my life (well, as close as anyone can be to me) who I know still care about me, and who I still care about. I've decided I'm going to leave a note (I'm intending to leave one for each person pretty much), and I'm not going to tell anyone ahead of time. But what about the next 6-ish months? Basically I guess I'm trying to figure out: is it better to try to distance myself this year from them (in an attempt to make it hurt less for them), or is it better to try to keep maintaining that relationship with them so they have more memories of me and don't have to feel like "on in hindsight he was so distant, I should have reached out more" essentially blaming themselves for my death.

I think no matter what you choose, people that love you will blame themselves as part of the grieving process. Toss around the "what ifs" and "if onlys". I think it's about whatever brings you peace.

I personally wish people that left me would have given me videos. Time passes and I can see it in their words but I can't hear their voices or laugh or sarcastic wit in my head when I think about them after years have passed.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wonder why we don't care

Probably just apathy

 

[Ambivalent1]

Probably just apathy

Amen

 

[coinflip]

I think no matter what you choose, people that love you will blame themselves as part of the grieving process. Toss around the "what ifs" and "if onlys". I think it's about whatever brings you peace.

I personally wish people that left me would have given me videos. Time passes and I can see it in their words but I can't hear their voices or laugh or sarcastic wit in my head when I think about them after years have passed.

This is a unique consideration, thank you for this. I don't have any clue what I would say, and part of me dreads the idea of watching back my own videos after I record them, but I'll give it some thought.

 

[wagner2029]

Just live your life normally, if they are people who like you and you like them you will have good times together, it will be remembered by those who like you.
There is no easy way, death is always a loss, in any case someone will miss you, you are not being selfish in wanting to leave existence if you don't feel good here.
Over time you can mature the idea or give up on it.
If you feel , writing something, write it, don't think about they will think, if you feel , just write it.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I think the way is to tell those who love you unconditionally what the plans are. To allow them the opportunity to process with you.

Perhaps it's a bit different for me as I'm approaching 40 and I'm a pain in the ass to be around pretty much for all my loved ones, so I think they're going to be somewhat amenable to the idea.

Anyway. That's my two cents. I have no idea how I'd go about it and what it'd look like but I watched a documentary about a drama teacher facing terminal illness and opting to end his life, and his goal was to communicate openly with his loved ones. One of his students insisted they film a documentary about that and so we can all learn about what it looked like for him to try that.

Some things worked well. Some things did not and they were heart breaking for him. But that's life. If it wasn't heart breaking I'm not sure this website would exist.

In my opinion, the way to compassionately end oneself is openly.

 

[ShadowsBeforeDawn]

This is a unique consideration, thank you for this. I don't have any clue what I would say, and part of me dreads the idea of watching back my own videos after I record them, but I'll give it some thought.

if you like the idea but don't like the video approach, audio files could be an option too. Even if you read your note.

If none of this works for you, know that I cherish the notes that were left for me.

 

[hopeless08]

I have a tentative plan to CTB in about September or October of this year. I say tentative because I have very specific conditions that will determine if I CTB or not, and it's essentially just a waiting game to see how it will turn out.

Fortunately (if "fortunately" is the right word here) I don't have very many close people in my life anymore to have to worry about. I live alone in a new city where I know next to nobody, having lost touch with most of my friends from years past (or otherwise having bridges burned irreparably between us). I haven't used social media for about 3 years, and I got a new phone number a few months ago which I did not give to many people, so most people probably aren't even aware if I still even exist. I'm virtually a ghost already.

The problem I'm currently having is what to do in the mean time to make things easier for the close people in my life (well, as close as anyone can be to me) who I know still care about me, and who I still care about. I've decided I'm going to leave a note (I'm intending to leave one for each person pretty much), and I'm not going to tell anyone ahead of time. But what about the next 6-ish months? Basically I guess I'm trying to figure out: is it better to try to distance myself this year from them (in an attempt to make it hurt less for them), or is it better to try to keep maintaining that relationship with them so they have more memories of me and don't have to feel like "on in hindsight he was so distant, I should have reached out more" essentially blaming themselves for my death.

I know either way, the pain is probably unavoidable. But how can I minimize it?

To be honest you may not want to hear this but I don't think there's anything you can do that's going to make the pain of losing you easier. I'm struggling with the same thing. Extremely difficult situation

 

[cursedcure]

preferably leave a letter, explaining your choice. i personally have dealt with the loss of my loved one and they didn't leave a letter for his family, so they have been harassing, blaming, scapegoating me. it's been horrible. i know he left at least a note for me, i will never get it because it's in a computer i don't have access to, and while it would have probably helped a little bit, i knew what he was going through and i knew his reasons. his suicide came as a total surprise to his family, so it would probably been "easier" for them to have a note from him - instead, i had to try to explain, over and over to multiple family members of his, what happened, why i acted the way i did, etc. realistically no note or anything will make it 'easier', even a suicidal person like myself suffers endless sleepless nights thinking about how everything could have been different. if you have people who care, they will grief your loss and feel desperate no matter what you try to do to make it "easier" for them.

 

[Bunnybrains]

buy a few years of birthday/Christmas presents to be delivered after you pass. I wish I had money to do that for my ppl so- maybe you can