Help how to handle extreme feelings of guilt?

[4Das]

I want to be sure I can always ctb, whenever I want but I feel so bad for my mom, she's loving and the perfect mom and it would destroy her life if I did that.
I don't even want to imagine how sad she would be, she's already now sad just knowing Im suicidal and I just feel so guilty.
I want to be able to ctb but I feel way too guilty, I don't want to do it exactly now but I don't think I can take this world much longer.
does anyone have advice on how I can handle those feelings of guilt especially if I do end up ctbing soon?

 

[smirks00ts]

I wish I could help but I feel the same myself. I wish you luck my friend and i hope you know youre seen here.

 

[4Das]

I wish I could help but I feel the same myself. I wish you luck my friend and i hope you know youre seen here.

thanks a lot man
I hope we both find a way to be at peace with our decisions, if you want to talk about anything I'm here man

 

[hdead]

I'm in a similar spot. If it weren't for my mom I'd proabably have attempted by now. I talk to her a lot and it hurts her heart, she's luckily also very understanding and tells me that if this is really something I want that she'd support me in my decision. It's given me a level of patience with the situation I wouldn't have had without her. She's the only human being that's stuck around after all I've done and been through.

It sucks, but it's also kinda lovely in a messed up kinda way. I hope you can find peace with the situation. I can only encourage you to keep talking to her about how and why you feel the way that you do.

 

[littleswan18]

I want to be sure I can always ctb, whenever I want but I feel so bad for my mom, she's loving and the perfect mom and it would destroy her life if I did that.
I don't even want to imagine how sad she would be, she's already now sad just knowing Im suicidal and I just feel so guilty.
I want to be able to ctb but I feel way too guilty, I don't want to do it exactly now but I don't think I can take this world much longer.
does anyone have advice on how I can handle those feelings of guilt especially if I do end up ctbing soon?

I've been dealing with immense amount of guilt as well, although not in relation to CTB. I've found the best way to make it manageable in day to day life is to consistently talk about it an examine all aspects of it. your situation it may be different (can't go around shouting your gonna CTB lol.) but even talking to yourself. A way that helped me was by creating a google doc where I dump all of my feelings, thoughts, questions, etc and heavily reflecting on the situation and the decisions made within it. Allowing guilt and shame to build up in your mind will only make your final days more painful. Please try to get them out, reflect on them and discover deeper reasons on why you feel this way.
This is my personal method of dealing with guilt. I hope it gets easier for you. Guilt is one of my main reasons for CTB, so i understand the toll it takes on your mind. Take care.

 

[4Das]

I'm in a similar spot. If it weren't for my mom I'd proabably have attempted by now. I talk to her a lot and it hurts her heart, she's luckily also very understanding and tells me that if this is really something I want that she'd support me in my decision. It's given me a level of patience with the situation I wouldn't have had without her. She's the only human being that's stuck around after all I've done and been through.

It sucks, but it's also kinda lovely in a messed up kinda way. I hope you can find peace with the situation. I can only encourage you to keep talking to her about how and why you feel the way that you do.

thanks for the advice man and you are really strong for staying for your mom until now and your mom is really strong aswell for accepting your decision, it sounds really beautiful even tho it sounds painful aswell
just hearing that made me feel a little better, thank you I hope you have a good night

I've been dealing with immense amount of guilt as well, although not in relation to CTB. I've found the best way to make it manageable in day to day life is to consistently talk about it an examine all aspects of it. your situation it may be different (can't go around shouting your gonna CTB lol.) but even talking to yourself. A way that helped me was by creating a google doc where I dump all of my feelings, thoughts, questions, etc and heavily reflecting on the situation and the decisions made within it. Allowing guilt and shame to build up in your mind will only make your final days more painful. Please try to get them out, reflect on them and discover deeper reasons on why you feel this way.
This is my personal method of dealing with guilt. I hope it gets easier for you. Guilt is one of my main reasons for CTB, so i understand the toll it takes on your mind. Take care.

thats really good advice, I will try that, thank you brother

 

[ilovecats1]

same... if i lived alone for a while it would help me not think much. i will also traumatize them i think because i dont really have the energy to go scouting a forest or book a hotel room and i will just do it at home. im thinking of writing a note like "do not come in, call 112, i love you and im sorry" and sticking it to the door so my sisters arent the first people to see the body. i dont think they will listen to me and just traumatize themselves.

 

[4Das]

same... if i lived alone for a while it would help me not think much. i will also traumatize them i think because i dont really have the energy to go scouting a forest or book a hotel room and i will just do it at home. im thinking of writing a note like "do not come in, call 112, i love you and im sorry" and sticking it to the door so my sisters arent the first people to see the body. i dont think they will listen to me and just traumatize themselves.

its a good idea to put a note
sorry if that's a bad moment to ask or sounds insensitive or something, I don't mean to come across rude but may I ask which method you plan to ctb with?

 

[westernromanpatriot]

mood, my mum doesn't really want me to leave either... although at least she understands my decision for the most part.

I do feel guilty af but I'm just kinda thinking that I'm gonna live my life well today so she won't have many regrets later...

 

[ilovecats1]

its a good idea to put a note
sorry if that's a bad moment to ask or sounds insensitive or something, I don't mean to come across rude but may I ask which method you plan to ctb with?

before my plan was to sn in a forest but now im gonna do partial suspension because i got too scared of getting caught with the sn i couldnt go and get it from the post office. i am going to be alone for like a week and im planning for that.

 

[4Das]

mood, my mum doesn't really want me to leave either... although at least she understands my decision for the most part.

I do feel guilty af but I'm just kinda thinking that I'm gonna live my life well today so she won't have many regrets later...

mine desperately tries to save me, it makes me feel more guilty even tho she means it good

before my plan was to sn in a forest but now im gonna do partial suspension because i got too scared of getting caught with the sn i couldnt go and get it from the post office. i am going to be alone for like a week and im planning for that.

I hope you find peace when you do it take care, I here if anything

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I want to be sure I can always ctb, whenever I want but I feel so bad for my mom, she's loving and the perfect mom and it would destroy her life if I did that.
I don't even want to imagine how sad she would be, she's already now sad just knowing Im suicidal and I just feel so guilty.
I want to be able to ctb but I feel way too guilty, I don't want to do it exactly now but I don't think I can take this world much longer.
does anyone have advice on how I can handle those feelings of guilt especially if I do end up ctbing soon?

I'm waiting for my mom to pass away first before I attempt. She would go insane if something happens to me and I can't do that to her

 

[4Das]

I'm waiting for my mom to pass away first before I attempt. She would go insane if something happens to me and I can't do that to her

I understand that, Its the same for me
I'm just not sure how much longer I can wait