Help how to ground yourself when anxious?

[aerilana]

hi, I can't really say in detail why im anxious as my brain isn't really processing and is blocking me from acknowledging what im going through as of the moment. but sometimes i get anxious over the situation that i can't stop but comfort myself by thinking about death (i seriously don't know if i will ever get better) and i know that's not really healthy but nothing really works to calm myself down and when i get anxious i start spiraling (i used to self sabotage every time i spiral but i don't really have anything to sabotage anymore since i ruined everything already).
I've been trying to learn how to read tarot card as a form of self-help/therapy, but it starts giving me bad cards whenever im anxious while trying to ask about a situation. i think it's reflecting my anxiety back to me which makes me spiral so much more. I can't really listen to music, and I've decided to delete all social media because they trigger me too. it's not really that bad rn as im completely ignoring what happened but im scared of how I'll be once it comes crashing down. i really just want to calm myself and have at least a tiny bit of hope while im not ready to process my emotions. Hopefully, I can get a consultation and be medicated by next month since i think i really need help and i can't stop but feel guilty and resent myself for what i did with my own life and it turns into really intense suicidal ideations. i don't know if it'll help me since i can't still see myself alive by next year. i know I'm still young and I can always start over but I just really think I deserve to die for what I did and for ruining the only thing i want in this life. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself.

i am also sorry if i talk too much or you don't understand. english isn't my first language:)

thank you in advance!

 

[unluckysadness]

I take benzos (valium) for my anxiety and sleeping pills when I need it. I tried a lot of natural things in the past (meditation, yoga, hypnosis, ...) and nothing worked. Now at my age (43), I prefere taking pills. I don't smoke and I don't drink alcohol so I think 5/10mg valium is okay.
I don't encourage you to take pills, it's only my personal experience. Severe anxiety and multiple phobias ruined my life.
I hope you'll find relief

 

[FoxSauce]

Well i take buspar for that wh3n im anxious I always have a fidget toy with me or my phone helps too. I cant be in crowded places without my phone or somwthing to do.

Ofc is just me

I hope you can cope in some way dude