How to deal with the guilt of leaving others behind

[ineedrope]

If I kill myself it will destroy my parents lives. I come from an Arab Muslim background and barely anyone from this culture commits suicide that I know of.

Today we had a family get together and i am 24 and the topic of finding me a wife was talked about. My dad said he can't wait to have grandkids and I got upset. I almost cried in front of every1

I feel really bad that I want to take my life but I just don't like living. I have nothing to live for. I have bad BDD. Being the only son of my parents killing themselves would crush them but I honestly feel like I am spiraling down.

I wish they could have had another son cause they are good loving parents but I just should not have been born.

 

[tiredplant777]

If I kill myself it will destroy my parents lives. I come from an Arab Muslim background and barely anyone from this culture commits suicide that I know of.

Today we had a family get together and i am 24 and the topic of finding me a wife was talked about. My dad said he can't wait to have grandkids and I got upset. I almost cried in front of every1

I feel really bad that I want to take my life but I just don't like living. I have nothing to live for. I have bad BDD. Being the only son of my parents killing themselves would crush them but I honestly feel like I am spiraling down.

I wish they could have had another son cause they are good loving parents but I just should not have been born.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. My depression/wanting to die fluctuates a lot, but I've decided to stay for my parents. Once my parents pass away then I will decide if I want to stay or leave, but in the meantime I've decided that the pain my parents will feel is just not worth it, and I will stay alive for them. I've had spiritual experiences which help me feel that despite my own pain I'm making the right decision for myself and my family. I don't want to try and convince you either way, but have you sought help? Even if I feel bad I find my therapist helps me with my mental health.

 

[Hurt]

That's what keeps me away from attempting. My friends/family would be angry at me.

 

[tiredplant777]

That's what keeps me away from attempting. My friends/family would be angry at me.

I've been honest with like two friends and they both kind of freaked out at me and said they wouldn't be able to handle losing me. It's hard. I'm going to wait it out obviously and go from there.

 

[symphony]

I struggle with this too. My friends will recover in time, they're young and have many other close connections. I have no love for my parents but I have good reason to expect my death would absolutely break them. And then there's the issue of my cat... poor, innocent thing would have no way of understanding where I'd gone and absolutely doesn't deserve to know what it's like to be without me.

 

[Hurt]

I've been honest with like two friends and they both kind of freaked out at me and said they wouldn't be able to handle losing me. It's hard. I'm going to wait it out obviously and go from there.

If I die by an accident or sth like that they would be sad but if I kill myself they would be angry because they could have tried to avoid it if I told them my intentions. I don't talk about my suicidal ideations with my family/friends. I've seen some therapists but that didn't help me.

 

[natali4]

That's the only thing stopping me from ctb. I'm an only child too, and my story is similar to yours. And I go over this in my head every single day. Like yesterday I thought I have made up my mind to ctb, today the guilt set in and I realized I cannot. It's a struggle and I empathize with you! I hope good things happen for you and you feel better.

 

[yvmthus]

the guilt is one of the major reasons why I can't ctb yet, i'm not an only child but i'm the oldest and i know that the impact will hit my family hard as i'm the one who's supposed to make it or smth. even thinking of doing it makes me so filled with guilt because i can quite vivdly imagine how it'd play out and for now it overshadows the urges. i have yet to find a solution to this

 

[eternalflame]

What is BDD?
Why do you want to kill yourself then?

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess the way I see it, we all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing and in this life grief and loss are inevitable, we will all die and lose everything someday. Personally I know that others would be sad but I could never feel guilty, as it is my life and my decision and it would be unbearable to me suffering just for the sake of others. I have no obligations to stay alive as I did not ask to exist.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

The comment above me sums it up - I did not ask to exist.

I have 5 friends in the world and they would be very upset to learn I'd done it, but I know I'd leave a note for them to explain why they shouldn't feel sad. My family have made it clear time and time again that they'd rather I wasn't around. I'd never CTB in spite of someone, but their crocodile tears over me dying wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

 

[WantToQuit]

I don't care anymore. Even my mother now wants my death.

 

[luke_skywalker]

That's what keeps me away from attempting. My friends/family would be angry at me.

To be direct (no offense). There is no "me" when you once CTB

 

[lostmylove]

You shouldn't be guilty. The reality is the situation you're in, they can't influence. They're spectators not participating. It's going to be not nice. But if you hold back you're going to put yourself through utter hell for the sake of keeping them happy.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

If I kill myself it will destroy my parents lives. I come from an Arab Muslim background and barely anyone from this culture commits suicide that I know of.

Today we had a family get together and i am 24 and the topic of finding me a wife was talked about. My dad said he can't wait to have grandkids and I got upset. I almost cried in front of every1

I feel really bad that I want to take my life but I just don't like living. I have nothing to live for. I have bad BDD. Being the only son of my parents killing themselves would crush them but I honestly feel like I am spiraling down.

I wish they could have had another son cause they are good loving parents but I just should not have been born.

Once you're gone, you won't give a shit about any of this.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

It does make me sad to think about - this may be blunt but in the end it won't be our problem. I will cease to exist so thankfully I won't be able to see how it effects them. It's one of the many joys of dying, I won't be around to watch the aftermath.

 

[Trjan]

This seriously breaks my heart at the thought of it. I keep thinking there must be a perfect way of being able to explain things crystal clear so they could understand but there just isn't. It eats me up constantly. Some conversations I have where I know it could be the last has me in tears at the end of each call or encounter.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I myself am trying to. I keep exposing myself to my triggers hoping that all the psychological pain of living will completely outweigh my SI and guilt.

 

[stupidmansuit]

For me it's easy, they had every opportunity to help and chose to twist the knife deeper.

I'm thankful in a way because there's no guilt that I'd be leaving behind good people that cared or anything like that, I know for fact many will be relieved, but I'm not gunna live on just to spite these people.

 

[outrider567]

Will only affect my step-mother and my female cousin in Seattle, all the rest are gone from this world

 

[WorthlessTrash]

This is something I am debating on doing to potentially ease my guilt (I posted this in another thread earlier):

So, I am going to bump this thread, and I want to get some honest thoughts on what I am about to type.

As of late, I have been hinting around that I may take my own life to my mother, basically by saying things along the lines of "some people cannot be helped", "sometimes the pain is too much", "I might not outlive you' so on and so forth. I realize that this might be a terrible thing for me to do, but the way I see it is I am trying to ease the possibility into her mind so it will sting slightly less when I eventually do the deed while also mitigating my own guilt for when I do go through with the deed. Is this wrong of me to do so? I just don't know of any other way.

I really am determined to go through with it. I just cannot go through life seeing other people live the genuine lifestyle that I wish I could, and I do not want to suffer at the behest of others. Besides, if she dies before me, I am fucked. I cannot pay off these bills for the rest of my life on his house and shit. I have no motivation to make anything of my life. Suicide is something I am absolutely confident and set on.

Thoughts?

 

[GoingAwayParty]

The way to handle this is to find a place you definitely will not be found - a long abandoned building, a cave nobody ever visits, etc. - and go out there.

 

[sourokraandfish]

I'm late to this but I'm an only child and my parents are the most loving, patient, and nicest people ever. They love me with everything they got. I believe in personal choice but they will be destroyed if I kms.
In the beginning, I just couldn't do it it but I've come to see it as something that I have accepted as time passes.
Yes, the guilt is still there but it no longer stops me from making plans to kms.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I don't care