Venting How to cope with being stalked?

[StupiderJuniper]

hi, i'm writing this post after a really scary encounter i had where a masked woman just stalked me for around 2 hours straight across my city. she would ride the same buses i did, get off the same stops, wait around stores i entered, and would always wait a small distance behind me whenever i stopped, faking being occupied on her phone. hell, i even went nonsensical directions and in loops to try and see if she would follow, and she did. i only managed to break contact with her after tricking her into thinking i went one direction, before i ran off to board the metro and get home. even after all that, i saw her in the distance, trying to get to me in time (she didn't). this isn't the first time i've been stalked, it first occurred with my family after i suddenly moved out. i am mortified that this is somehow a PI they hired. i just have no idea how to cope with this or where to go. i live in a dorm, so i'm guessing i could make a report to the security here, but i only have a few pictures to corroborate my story.

i feel lost right now, i was having a happy week and it was quickly sent right back down to absolute misery. i really need advice from anyone here, what could i potentially do? or just how do i live with this knowledge. i wasnt able to do anything today, but i can't stay like this forever.

 

[heywey]

That's super freaky, I'm so sorry it's happened to you. From the sound of it I think they were too conspicuous to be an actual PI, but I'm no expert. Well done getting home safe.


More likely than not this was some strange one-off, a random weirdo who got everything they needed already or some sort of one in a trillion coincidence. But I know that when I've gone through kinda traumatic things like that it helps to have actionable steps and to feel like my bases are covered. To that end, here's my advice:

It would probably be worth going to the nearest police station and reporting this, if you're up to it. Even if there isn't anything they can do right now, establishing a record that it happened could be important later. You should also probably report it to the dorm's RA or whoever you have to go to; if you have a front desk or something like that, ask they keep an eye out for anyone suspicious, and that shouldn't give your room number or other info out to anyone.

I know it seems like a hassle, or embarrassing or whatever, but it's good to mention this to people so it's a known thing. Establishing that it's a pattern makes the difference between a he said/she said situation and having officials and/or the law on your side, and can give them the information they need to help keep you safe. It's worth sharing the pictures you took with anyone too, even if it isn't proof alone.

In the mean time, maybe mix up your schedule, and try to have a friend with you when you go out. You could also look up safe havens near you or along your routes: police stations, schools, libraries, fire stations, churches, YMCAs, shelters. If worst comes to worst, people will protect you if you ask; so if it does happen again, just stay calm, duck into the nearest safe place, try to get video if you can, and you can figure things out from there.

 

[SASU-KE]

Well, how about confronting the individual and taking close up videos?

Ask them why they're following you.

 

[LastNite]

Well, how about confronting the individual and taking close up videos?

Ask them why they're following you.

Wouldn't it be dangerous? Some random person you know nothing about following you all day long and trying to hide from you obviously doesn't want to get close enough to talk to you.

Filming said person and reporting them to law enforcement would be safer and just better in general. You never know what is someone is up to. Also, cops can access surveillance cameras that might help track that creep.

Juniper should buy bear pepper spray and a taser just in case.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I think it's safe to confront them as long as their are people in the vicinity. If they we're totally crazy and intent on attacking, they'd already done so.
Film them discreetly from a low angle. They'll notice, but it's less confrontative than trying to use the phone as a shield, and it's harder to take it from you.

Ask them straight out why they're following you. Save the camera evidence for future use.
If it's recorded and repeated, police might be able to do something - harassment, etc.

i really need advice

There's nothing wrong with asking police or security for advice. Even if there's no law violation, they might still be able to tell you what you ought to do, to prevent future incidents. They might even know who it is, when you describe her.

 

[Sicariidae]

Hi, first of all I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I've been stalked too (both irl and online) and it's never easy to deal with. I can only give a few tips that I used for this:
- Tell dorm security or your residence manager exactly what happened. Show them the photos you took, even if they're not conclusive. They may be able to keep an eye out or review security cameras if the person came near the building.
- Write down everything you remember while it's still fresh: approximate times, bus routes, stores you entered, where you first noticed her, where you last saw her, and anything distinctive about her appearance. Memories fade surprisingly quickly, or end up being altered since it's a stressing situation for you and danger tends to warp these memories.
- If you see the same person again, don't try to "test" whether they're following you by wandering around for hours again. Instead, head to a busy public place, a staffed business, your dorm security, or, if you genuinely believe you're in immediate danger and it's safe to do so, contact the police. It's safer to get other people involved than to handle it alone. Don't risk it, your safety is worth more and it's better being safe than sorry.
- Let someone you trust know what happened. If you're going out over the next few days, consider texting someone your plans or having them know when you expect to arrive.

 

[StupiderJuniper]

hi i'm really thankful for everyones input. i told my partner and a few trusted friends about what happened not too long after i got away. my partner will help me drive places for the next few days which is prolly safer than going by bus or foot where i could be tracked easily. i wrote down a note saying what happened, exact routes, etc. i'm still scared to go to the cops or security tbh and that i will be dismissed as a crazy, but i fully well know if i somehow ever saw them again that i will go straight to security without hesitance. i might ask a friend or someone else to come with me to either of those as support, but idk. it stressed me out so much that i didnt end up going to my summer classes today. im not sure what i could take with me to defend myself, a lot of things here arent allowed and im scared of carrying something that would get me in huge trouble. its really disrupted my plans. ig i can still do some of my plans today though since a lot of it was at home. i plan to bake a cheesecake for a friend group, so thats some good news at least. i have everything so i don't have to leave. but yeah just jfc, i was beginning to get my shit together and even enjoy my classes. once again thank you everybody. its just all so fucked, and it doesnt make sense. i still think its someone connected to my family somehow because nothing else makes sense. i will prolly make another update if anything else happens or if i get the courage to tell the authorities.