Venting How to come in terms with my own death?

[mexican_patty]

I've thought about CTB for years, and this year the ideas have come stronger and stronger. I've talk to myself for hours on end, my best choice is to die, I feel useless, incapable of doing anything, including being at peace. But there's something that stops me. I have SN, I never have the courage to drink it. I just want to die, but I always end up thinking about my friends, or my family, or my pets, or things as simple as movies and books and music. But I don't want to think about any of that, I want to detach so I can just focus on myself and what's best for me. My best friend is moving overseas in a couple of weeks, he was my biggest support. I want to die before having to say goodbye to him, but I'm scared. How can I accept my own death? I'm obsessed with it, I've been thinking about it for years, every single day, but I can't manage to do it. I'm drained. How can I just do so?

 

[3/4Dead]

Not to sound hyper pro life or anything but any reason to keep living is a good reason. if you're living for the small things that's fine. If you're feeling like you aren't ready plain and simple youre not ready. I say just give it some more time. You can die any time, no need to rush.

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I find so much comfort in death as I believe it to be the end of suffering in this torturous, meaningless existence, I only wish and hope for eternal sleep, I hope you eventually find the peace you search for.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It doesn't sound like you're really ready to me either. It's not something you can really "force". It really happens organically. If you ever get there, you won't be thinking about, or caring about, anything like books, or movies, or even friends and family. Nothing will matter to you except getting to your peace.