Chemi
*.✧ Que Sera, Sera ✧.* | 25y/o fem
- Nov 25, 2025
- 299
Advice from Grippy Socks Veterans On How to Actually Do This Therapy Thing
Hey, I'm Emi. I co-host a local self-help group and used to accompany struggling teens as a Peer Support Worker. My peers and I have noticed the interest in therapy spiking since COVID, and how we see the same therapy struggles repeatedly in newcomers. So we wrote up a cheat sheet of our collective wisdom to share with newcomers in our groups.
Figured I might as well share an edited and translated version here on SaSu. Maybe some of you find it useful.
I'm not speaking from a textbook or the "holy" DSM-5. I'm speaking from ten years in the trenches of the psychiatric care system. This is a decade of trial, error, and hard-won lessons from my life and those I've worked with. I hope to give you the shortcut I never had, so you can find the right help faster.
(Disclaimer: This post is for sharing experiences, tips, and sparking a conversation)
Hey, I'm Emi. I co-host a local self-help group and used to accompany struggling teens as a Peer Support Worker. My peers and I have noticed the interest in therapy spiking since COVID, and how we see the same therapy struggles repeatedly in newcomers. So we wrote up a cheat sheet of our collective wisdom to share with newcomers in our groups.
Figured I might as well share an edited and translated version here on SaSu. Maybe some of you find it useful.
I'm not speaking from a textbook or the "holy" DSM-5. I'm speaking from ten years in the trenches of the psychiatric care system. This is a decade of trial, error, and hard-won lessons from my life and those I've worked with. I hope to give you the shortcut I never had, so you can find the right help faster.
(Disclaimer: This post is for sharing experiences, tips, and sparking a conversation)
Choosing Your Therapy Type
Therapy generally splits into two camps. Think of it as Talk Therapy for the Why and Behaviour Therapy for the How.
I will keep it short since @TDF wrote an amazing post explaining therapy types already:
sanctioned-suicide.net
Talk Therapy (The Why)
Behaviour Therapy (The How)
Solo vs. Group Sessions:
Individual therapy is the go-to for private topics. Especially great for people starting out with therapy. Group therapy is one of the best ways to kill the shame that often comes with mental illness. Especially useful and common in behaviour therapy, as you can practice with and learn from others with similar problems.
Therapy generally splits into two camps. Think of it as Talk Therapy for the Why and Behaviour Therapy for the How.
I will keep it short since @TDF wrote an amazing post explaining therapy types already:
Different Therapy Methods & Alternatives Explained
"If you want to help someone you need to know something about them" - 'It's A Wonderful Life' Considering therapy but don't know where to start? Hopefully this can be a starting point about what all those different terms mean, and help to pick the right therapist. There are also options further...
sanctioned-suicide.net
Talk Therapy (The Why)
- Psychodynamic: Digs into childhood and subconscious patterns. Good for depression and identity.
- Interpersonal Therapy (IPT): Focuses on your relationships and social support. Great for depression triggered by life changes.
Behaviour Therapy (The How)
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): The gold standard for Anxiety and Depression. It targets the glitchy logic in your thoughts.
- DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): Essential for BPD and Addiction. It teaches a survival kit for intense emotional crises.
- ERP (Exposure & Response Prevention): Great for OCD. It helps you face obsessions without the compulsions.
- EMDR (Trauma Therapy): Specifically for PTSD. It helps rewire traumatic memories so they stop feeling like they are happening now.
- ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy): Helpful for Autism and chronic struggles. It's about building a meaningful life alongside your struggles.
- CBTp: A specialized version of CBT used to help manage Psychosis and distressing hallucinations.
Solo vs. Group Sessions:
Individual therapy is the go-to for private topics. Especially great for people starting out with therapy. Group therapy is one of the best ways to kill the shame that often comes with mental illness. Especially useful and common in behaviour therapy, as you can practice with and learn from others with similar problems.
The First Interview
Your first session is going to feel like a weird mix of a blind date and a medical exam. It's normal to feel exposed, but I want you to remember one thing: You are the boss here. You are hiring this person to help save your life, or at least make it livable. You have every right to be picky.
Basics:
When you're sitting in that chair for the first time, your brain is going to try to tell your whole life story at once. Don't let it. You'll leave feeling exhausted and vulnerable.
Don't Overshare:
You do not owe a stranger your deepest trauma in the first twenty minutes. Ambiguity is your safety net. If you rip off every bandage before you know if this therapist is actually good at their job, you're going to end up feeling abandoned, which makes you want to quit therapy entirely.
Vetting the Therapist:
If a contractor came to your house to fix a leak and said, "We'll just sit near the pipes and see how we feel about the water," you'd fire them. Therapy is no different. Ask them these three questions before the first session ends:
The Vibe Check
At the end of the day, trust your gut. You don't need to be friends with your therapist, but you do need to feel like they are a steady, unshakeable presence. If you feel judged or like you have to perform to be a good patient, they aren't the one for you. There is no shame in walking away after session one and trying someone else.
Your first session is going to feel like a weird mix of a blind date and a medical exam. It's normal to feel exposed, but I want you to remember one thing: You are the boss here. You are hiring this person to help save your life, or at least make it livable. You have every right to be picky.
Basics:
When you're sitting in that chair for the first time, your brain is going to try to tell your whole life story at once. Don't let it. You'll leave feeling exhausted and vulnerable.
- Slowly but surely: Write down three things that are making your life miserable right now. Maybe it's the panic attacks before work or the fact that your friends can't relate to you. Don't try to work on everything at once.
- The Basics: Focus on your symptoms, not your history. Give them the "headline" of your struggle. Right now, we just need to see if they have the tools to help you.
Don't Overshare:
You do not owe a stranger your deepest trauma in the first twenty minutes. Ambiguity is your safety net. If you rip off every bandage before you know if this therapist is actually good at their job, you're going to end up feeling abandoned, which makes you want to quit therapy entirely.
- Probe them: Share something that's a bit difficult but not your deepest wound. Watch how they react. Do they look uncomfortable? Do they give you a generic "I'm sorry you felt that way" platitude? If they can't handle a medium struggle with professional calm, they definitely aren't ready for your heavy stuff.
- It's Okay to Say "Not Yet": You can tell them, "I have a history of trauma, but I'm not ready to dive into the details until we've built some trust." A good therapist will respect that boundary immediately.
Vetting the Therapist:
If a contractor came to your house to fix a leak and said, "We'll just sit near the pipes and see how we feel about the water," you'd fire them. Therapy is no different. Ask them these three questions before the first session ends:
- "What is your actual plan for someone with my symptoms?" (If they say "we'll just talk," that's a huge red flag).
- "What specific tools are we going to start with?"
- "How do you handle it when a patient is in a crisis between sessions?"
The Vibe Check
At the end of the day, trust your gut. You don't need to be friends with your therapist, but you do need to feel like they are a steady, unshakeable presence. If you feel judged or like you have to perform to be a good patient, they aren't the one for you. There is no shame in walking away after session one and trying someone else.
Therapy Basics
When you finally start therapy, there is a massive urge to rip off every bandage at once. You want to talk about your childhood, your last breakup, and your current depression all in the same hour. I've done this, and I'm telling you now: don't.
If you try to heal everything at once, you will burn out and quit before you actually get better. Here is how to manage your wounds so you don't overwhelm your head.
Prioritize Wounds: Think of your mental health like a house. If the basement is flooding, you don't start repainting the guest bedroom. You find the leak.
Therapy Hangover: If you open up a massive, deep wound right at the end of a session, you are going to leave that office feeling raw, shaky, and exhausted. I call this the therapy hangover.
Pacing is a Skill: Healing isn't a race. You might feel like you're wasting time if you aren't crying every session, but that's not true. Some of my biggest breakthroughs happened during the sessions where I felt calm enough to actually think, rather than just react.
When you finally start therapy, there is a massive urge to rip off every bandage at once. You want to talk about your childhood, your last breakup, and your current depression all in the same hour. I've done this, and I'm telling you now: don't.
If you try to heal everything at once, you will burn out and quit before you actually get better. Here is how to manage your wounds so you don't overwhelm your head.
Prioritize Wounds: Think of your mental health like a house. If the basement is flooding, you don't start repainting the guest bedroom. You find the leak.
- What is the one thing making your life unbearable today? Focus on that for the first few weeks.
- It is okay to tell your therapist, "I have some deep stuff from my past I need to deal with, but right now I just need to stop the panic attacks." Putting old wounds on a waitlist isn't ignoring them. It's being smart about your energy.
Therapy Hangover: If you open up a massive, deep wound right at the end of a session, you are going to leave that office feeling raw, shaky, and exhausted. I call this the therapy hangover.
- My 10 Minute Rule: In the last ten minutes of your session, stop digging. Use that time to ground yourself and transition back to the real world.
- Plan Your Week: If you have a big presentation at work or an important event, then that is not the week to dive into your deepest trauma. It is okay to have a more chill session where you just focus on current coping skills.
Pacing is a Skill: Healing isn't a race. You might feel like you're wasting time if you aren't crying every session, but that's not true. Some of my biggest breakthroughs happened during the sessions where I felt calm enough to actually think, rather than just react.
- One Battle at a Time: Pick one behavior or one thought pattern to challenge. Master it. Then move to the next one.
- Allow Yourself to Go Slow: You spent years, maybe decades, accumulating these wounds. They aren't going to vanish in a month. I know it sucks, but try to be patient.
Safety, Self-harm, Suicide
This is the chapter they don't put in their pamphlets. It's the part of therapy that scares us, especially on SaSu, the most: the fear that if you are 100% honest about how dark your thoughts get, you'll be instantly hauled off to grippy socks jail against your will. As someone who got shipped off twice by a therapist, lemme show you how to navigate this so you can get the help you need without losing your freedom in the process.
Mandated Reporter Rule: Therapists have a legal and ethical red line (at least in developed countries). If they believe you are an immediate danger to yourself or someone else, they are required by law to intervene. This isn't because they want to catch you. Therapists themselves usually hate involuntarily committing you and won't do it lightly. However, many newcomers think any mention of death triggers this. It doesn't.
Read the Room: Before you dive into your darkest thoughts, test the waters to see how your therapist handles heavy topics.
Passive Ideation vs. Active Intent: This is the most important distinction for you to understand.
If you want to talk about suicide methods and plans with your therapist, make it clear you will not act on them anytime soon. Talking about it helps, and your therapist knows that.
On the contrary, it is also important to know that you can explicitly ask your therapist to help you seek hospitalization if you feel you are losing control and can no longer keep yourself safe. You don't have to make that scary call yourself. Let your therapist help you if you want to try inpatient treatment or explore other crisis options.
This is the chapter they don't put in their pamphlets. It's the part of therapy that scares us, especially on SaSu, the most: the fear that if you are 100% honest about how dark your thoughts get, you'll be instantly hauled off to grippy socks jail against your will. As someone who got shipped off twice by a therapist, lemme show you how to navigate this so you can get the help you need without losing your freedom in the process.
Mandated Reporter Rule: Therapists have a legal and ethical red line (at least in developed countries). If they believe you are an immediate danger to yourself or someone else, they are required by law to intervene. This isn't because they want to catch you. Therapists themselves usually hate involuntarily committing you and won't do it lightly. However, many newcomers think any mention of death triggers this. It doesn't.
Read the Room: Before you dive into your darkest thoughts, test the waters to see how your therapist handles heavy topics.
- You can ask them, "Can you explain your specific protocol around suicidal ideation? What is the exact line between distressing thoughts and mandatory intervention for you?"
- You can speak in the third person. "If a client told you they were feeling hopeless and had vague thoughts about not wanting to be here, how would you handle that?" Their answer will tell you if they are a panic type or a safety-plan type.
Passive Ideation vs. Active Intent: This is the most important distinction for you to understand.
- Passive Ideation: These are thoughts like "I wish I didn't exist" or "I hope I don't wake up." These are common and do not trigger a commitment.
- Active Intent: Telling them you have a specific plan, the means, and you plan to carry it out within the week will trigger a commitment.
If you want to talk about suicide methods and plans with your therapist, make it clear you will not act on them anytime soon. Talking about it helps, and your therapist knows that.
On the contrary, it is also important to know that you can explicitly ask your therapist to help you seek hospitalization if you feel you are losing control and can no longer keep yourself safe. You don't have to make that scary call yourself. Let your therapist help you if you want to try inpatient treatment or explore other crisis options.
The 167 Hours Lifestyle
There are 168 hours in a week. If you spend one hour in a therapist's office and then spend the other 167 hours living exactly the same way you always have, nothing is going to change. Therapy is not a massage where you lie down, and someone else does the work. Sorry, I wish it were that easy myself.
However, over the years, I learned some small tips that can have a big impact and make your new lifestyle a lot easier:
Do:
Don't:
The real work happens when you are standing in line at the grocery store, or when you're about to send an emotionally loaded text, or when you're spiraling at 2 AM. That is when you grow. Therapy isn't just an appointment on your calendar.
There are 168 hours in a week. If you spend one hour in a therapist's office and then spend the other 167 hours living exactly the same way you always have, nothing is going to change. Therapy is not a massage where you lie down, and someone else does the work. Sorry, I wish it were that easy myself.
However, over the years, I learned some small tips that can have a big impact and make your new lifestyle a lot easier:
Do:
- Journaling is Cool, Ya Know: Your brain is unreliable, especially when you're stressed, and you'll forget most things that happened during the week. Keep a note in your phone of every time you struggle: a panic attack, an irrational outburst, a bad memory surfacing, or self-harm/suicide thoughts. Read it out loud in the first minutes of your next therapy session. Plus points if you download a mood tracker app.
- Your Ugly Side: If you find yourself thinking, "I shouldn't say that, it makes me sound like a bad person," then that is exactly what you need to say. Therapy is the only place in the world where you don't have to be polite or likable. Be controversial and tell them that pineapple belongs on pizza.
- Practice: If your therapist teaches you a new skill, try it out at least once a day. Don't wait for a crisis. Try it when things are calm so the muscle memory is there for bad times.
Don't:
- You aren't Fine: I hear of and did this all the time. Someone walks into therapy, the therapist asks how they are, and they say "I'm fine" out of habit. Your therapist is working for you. If you are struggling, say so. Don't waste your time & money performing for a professional. If it still slips out, you can correct yourself and say "Actually, I haven't been fine at all." It's okay to not be okay!
- Don't Protect the Therapist: If they say something that doesn't resonate or feels wrong, tell them. Don't lie and pretend their advice is working when it isn't. Their job is to adapt and find new ways to help.
- Don't Expect a Fix: A therapist cannot fix your life. They can only give you the map and the compass. You are the one who has to do the walking.
The real work happens when you are standing in line at the grocery store, or when you're about to send an emotionally loaded text, or when you're spiraling at 2 AM. That is when you grow. Therapy isn't just an appointment on your calendar.
Red Flags
These are the exit signs. If your therapist does these things, they aren't just a bad fit. They are unprofessional and harmful to your mental health.
A common problem that many face at some point is getting too comfortable with your therapist. Be careful if you actually start to like your therapist more like a friend than a stranger.
I get it, they are nice, the conversation is easy, and you feel safe, and slowly, therapy feels more like getting coffee with a friend. This sadly might become a major problem, and you need to mention it during your next session, especially if you aren't being challenged and you aren't learning new skills like you used to. Comfort is good, but growth usually requires a little bit of friction.
Dumping Your Therapist: You do not owe your therapist a long explanation, and you definitely don't owe them a goodbye session if you don't feel like it. Even if it is uncomfortable to inform your therapist, you don't need to sugarcoat it for them. They will understand.
Walking away from a therapist that isn't helping you is a sign of progress. It means you are finally prioritizing your recovery over other people's feelings. Be proud of yourself.
These are the exit signs. If your therapist does these things, they aren't just a bad fit. They are unprofessional and harmful to your mental health.
- Oversharing: They spend a significant portion of their time talking about their own life.
- Judging: They make you feel wrong, stupid, or ashamed for your actions and symptoms. A therapist should never become a moral judge.
- Defensive: When you ask about their therapeutic methods or tell them something isn't working, they get angry or tell you that you are the problem for questioning them.
- Ghosting: They frequently cancel at the last minute, show up late, or seem distracted (checking their phone or clock) during your session.
- Intruding: It hurts that I even have to include this. Any sexual comments, remarks about your body, special non-clinical attention, or inappropriate touch is an immediate, non-negotiable exit. This is a predatory abuse of the power dynamic and a major ethical violation. Trust your instinct, leave immediately, and consider reporting them to their licensing board. While this behaviour is not common, it sadly does happen more often than you think.
A common problem that many face at some point is getting too comfortable with your therapist. Be careful if you actually start to like your therapist more like a friend than a stranger.
I get it, they are nice, the conversation is easy, and you feel safe, and slowly, therapy feels more like getting coffee with a friend. This sadly might become a major problem, and you need to mention it during your next session, especially if you aren't being challenged and you aren't learning new skills like you used to. Comfort is good, but growth usually requires a little bit of friction.
Dumping Your Therapist: You do not owe your therapist a long explanation, and you definitely don't owe them a goodbye session if you don't feel like it. Even if it is uncomfortable to inform your therapist, you don't need to sugarcoat it for them. They will understand.
Walking away from a therapist that isn't helping you is a sign of progress. It means you are finally prioritizing your recovery over other people's feelings. Be proud of yourself.
Colliding with Reality
When you start therapy, you are essentially learning a new language. The problem is that when you go home, everyone else is still speaking the old one. So how do you survive the friction that happens when the "new you" meets your old environment?
Set Boundaries: As you get healthier, you will have to start saying "no" more often. You will have to stop accepting mistreatment. For the people around you, this might feel like you are becoming difficult or selfish. The truth is, they aren't reacting to you being bad. They are reacting to the loss of the version of you that was easier for them to manage.
Please remember you don't have to explain your therapy to anyone who might use it as a weapon against you. If someone says, "Is this what that therapist is teaching you?" you don't owe them a debate. Educating people on mental health is important, but not at the cost of your own health.
The Therapy Bubble: It's easy to feel enlightened and calm while you're sitting in a quiet office with a professional. The real test is when you're back in the chaos of your family, your school, or your job.
A Support System: As you grow, you might realize that some of your old friendships were built on shared trauma or unhealthy habits. Sometimes, to feel better, you need to let people go, even if it breaks your heart to do so. Outgrowing people is painful and was always the worst part about change for me, but it is a normal part of the process to realize you no longer fit in certain circles. Remember, it is very much possible to find your tribe. This is why self-help groups and peer support exist. You need people who understand the "new language" you are speaking.
Healing can be lonely at first because it changes the thought processes and dynamics behind all of your relationships. Don't give up. The people who truly love you will adjust to the new version of you. The ones who don't were only there for the version they could use.
When you start therapy, you are essentially learning a new language. The problem is that when you go home, everyone else is still speaking the old one. So how do you survive the friction that happens when the "new you" meets your old environment?
Set Boundaries: As you get healthier, you will have to start saying "no" more often. You will have to stop accepting mistreatment. For the people around you, this might feel like you are becoming difficult or selfish. The truth is, they aren't reacting to you being bad. They are reacting to the loss of the version of you that was easier for them to manage.
Please remember you don't have to explain your therapy to anyone who might use it as a weapon against you. If someone says, "Is this what that therapist is teaching you?" you don't owe them a debate. Educating people on mental health is important, but not at the cost of your own health.
The Therapy Bubble: It's easy to feel enlightened and calm while you're sitting in a quiet office with a professional. The real test is when you're back in the chaos of your family, your school, or your job.
- Don't Expect Others to Change: You are the one in therapy, not them. You cannot "therapy" your parents or your friends into being better people. You can only change how you respond to them.
- Protect Your Peace: It is okay to keep your breakthroughs to yourself. You don't have to share your progress or your realizations with people who haven't earned that level of intimacy and trust.
A Support System: As you grow, you might realize that some of your old friendships were built on shared trauma or unhealthy habits. Sometimes, to feel better, you need to let people go, even if it breaks your heart to do so. Outgrowing people is painful and was always the worst part about change for me, but it is a normal part of the process to realize you no longer fit in certain circles. Remember, it is very much possible to find your tribe. This is why self-help groups and peer support exist. You need people who understand the "new language" you are speaking.
Healing can be lonely at first because it changes the thought processes and dynamics behind all of your relationships. Don't give up. The people who truly love you will adjust to the new version of you. The ones who don't were only there for the version they could use.
Realistic Expectations
Therapy isn't magic. It won't remove your history or change your core personality. Success in therapy is not the absence of pain. It is the reduction of your recovery time after getting triggered.
Instead of a two-week-long depression spiral, you only have a moody day.
Instead of writing goodbye letters, you only daydream about making out with that big semi-truck for a few seconds before you continue your day as if nothing happened.
Instead of burning every bridge the second you feel a flicker of rejection, you just feel the sting, put your phone in a drawer for the night, and wake up the next morning without having to apologize to anyone.
You aren't becoming a new person. You are becoming a person who can handle being themselves. Truth is, some days your skills will fail, and you will cry and panic and scream, and that is totally okay! Real progress is often pretty boring: It looks like a normal Tuesday where you didn't panic while driving to work, didn't get angry waiting in line during your lunch break, didn't cry over a friend taking too long to respond, and didn't curse the universe for hating you after your favorite hairbrush broke in half.
Don't wait for a magical life-changing moment. Healing is a slow, boring, annoying grind that is so not fun, but it might just be really worth it in the end.
That's it. Wanna give it a shot?
Therapy isn't magic. It won't remove your history or change your core personality. Success in therapy is not the absence of pain. It is the reduction of your recovery time after getting triggered.
Instead of a two-week-long depression spiral, you only have a moody day.
Instead of writing goodbye letters, you only daydream about making out with that big semi-truck for a few seconds before you continue your day as if nothing happened.
Instead of burning every bridge the second you feel a flicker of rejection, you just feel the sting, put your phone in a drawer for the night, and wake up the next morning without having to apologize to anyone.
You aren't becoming a new person. You are becoming a person who can handle being themselves. Truth is, some days your skills will fail, and you will cry and panic and scream, and that is totally okay! Real progress is often pretty boring: It looks like a normal Tuesday where you didn't panic while driving to work, didn't get angry waiting in line during your lunch break, didn't cry over a friend taking too long to respond, and didn't curse the universe for hating you after your favorite hairbrush broke in half.
Don't wait for a magical life-changing moment. Healing is a slow, boring, annoying grind that is so not fun, but it might just be really worth it in the end.
That's it. Wanna give it a shot?
