Venting How the hell do I calm down and ease the pain?

[http-410]

Agony.

It is only one word, but I cannot make anyone understand what it actually means. I feel as if I am being endlessly mangled by an invisible predatory animal, as if my organs are being pulled out and torn apart by their bloody claws and teeth - over and over again. How am I supposed to stand this?!

Even after banging my head against trees in the forest, walking on the train tracks and screaming my head off in a field in the middle of the night in super dense fog, the agony and despair just won't subside.

My GP, albeit hesitantly, has prescribed me ridiculously few and low dose benzos (20x0.5 of Lorazepam), but I am considering saving them for CTB. I'm going crazy here. I tried to distract and "treated" myself to fast food earlier, but it's all no use.

I don't even know if this post makes sense. I wish an impact would finally burst my head so all the misery can pour out.

 

[Angi]

I wish an impact would finally burst my head so all the misery can pour out.

Same. And sorry about your agony. If you find a good way of bursting your head, take me along.
How long until your therapist returns?

I know I shouldn't kill myself, but it looks so good right now...

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're in so much pain. I can't imagine still being around if I had to put up with that. The minimal lorazepam your doc gave you is ridiculous. UK? I got prescribed a similarly low dose of clonazepam for restlessness, it didn't do much. I should have saved it for CTB too

 

[Zegers]

It feels like some kind of agony, like being in prison or like being locked up

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing can certainly be painful and torturous for so many who exist in this world. There does seem to be no real escape from suffering as long as we stay here and it does sound very awful and tiring what you have to endure, it must be unbearable. But I wish you the best.