Venting How the fuck do you get out of the house??

[trying ungracefully]

I know what you need to do. You really just have to push yourself to do it but what do you do when that doesn't work. Sometimes it isn't even an anxiety it is just that I am a recluse and hate leaving the house. I think it is because I got comfortable here and it is hard to leave that comfort when everything outside pisses me off now.

Like I really do hate people in general. I love them but hate them I guess. So many are stupid, not self aware, no situational awareness, and just ignorant. Even in the car I get pissed off with people. I have set rules in my head that people should abide by socially and when someone steps out of it I hate it.

It's not even outlandish rules. Things like cross at the cross walk if you are near one, walk on the right side of the sidewalk, don't talk on the phone in public for long amounts of time, don't play audio on the bus, don't come up to me and be weird, etc. I think they are reasonable and what a lot of people agree with but not many can do it.

I haven't took the bus this week again. I don't know what to do. Something triggered me last night to want to move out so bad but I still seem so far from getting a job because I can't get on the bus. That is the only barrier right now, I know I can manage interviews as long as I practice a few times again.

It makes me feel so hopeless and ashamed of myself.

 

[NameOfAction]

I've nothing to say, other than I've not left the house for months. I don't know how tf it is done

I like people. I like nature. I just don't go. I associate the outside with inevitable suffering

 

[ScaredCutter]

where i live, theres 2 doors and i usually just open one and sit behind the mesh door, wind comes in and the sun does too but i dont need to leave the house to go out. if i do go out, i typically just stay nearby the door since i dont wanna deal with people outside, i dont wanna be seen anyways lol. i usually sit with my cats as well while they chill at the door.

 

[katara]

I've nothing to say, other than I've not left the house for months. I don't know how tf it is done

I like people. I like nature. I just don't go. I associate the outside with inevitable suffering

I haven't left in months either. It doesn't help that my mom makes everything worse and I have nobody who would ever help.

 

[trying ungracefully]

I've nothing to say, other than I've not left the house for months. I don't know how tf it is done

I like people. I like nature. I just don't go. I associate the outside with inevitable suffering

I love nature so much. I have a forest that is easy to get to by bus near my house and I've gone before I just can't go again. It sucks because nature is one of the things that makes me feels alive and happy.

 

[rosewinds]

i know how its like, yeah, theres no shame in it
but id say maybe do stuff within the house and slowly move your way out, like- make tea every day or something? idk
i dont know your exact sich but thats what id do
could also go for short ~5 min walks to try and get used to being Outside again?

 

[SASU-KE]

What about trying to kill two birds with one stone and do dog walking for others?
Some people make bank doing that.

 

[metfan647]

I struggle no end getting out of the house. Nice weather is my only incentive nowadays.

 

[trying ungracefully]

What about trying to kill two birds with one stone and do dog walking for others?
Some people make bank doing that.

I actually used to dog walk but I got too much anxiety for some reason over time. I worried too much about the dogs safety and wellbeing to the point it was unhealthy and stressful and then the only jobs I could get were staying over at peoples houses which wasn't great either lol. But you were right I got a decent amount of money to the point my mom was questioning it.

It is a goal though, I want to volunteer dog walking to just get out and also get something on my resume

 

[IrisGr3y_]

I've lived well acquainted with Panic Attacks. Had them for things that'd seem minuscule to most people. I've stayed at home for an unhealthy timespan.

Then I got anti-anxiety meds. Clonazepam, Propranolol, and an SSRI.

All three successfully numbed me enough to be outside without my usual 'sensitivity to things', the dreaded fight-or-flight mode.



Then, after a while of trying to normalize things that would normally make me panic, I still got myself stuck at home with no reason to go out.

Could say I'm more tolerant to 'triggers' without the meds, but yeah, still pretty much need them if I want to go out, and they don't erase the anxiety to a hundred percent, just enough.

Similar to your disdain for the 'normal' not-very-self-aware-average-person, I mistrust people, but this has to do with the rabbit hole of lookism I fell into. Overall, I think it's normal or expectable to be at unease around people that you know aren't as self-conscious and considerate as you might naturally be.


Right now I should seek a job, but living on a remote city, remote country... opportunities are scarce, more so for NEETs with little to no prior experience. Had a job as a deliverer a year and a half ago (not aboard a vehicle). It was constant fight-or-flight response management.

 

[ineedssris]

I've lived well acquainted with Panic Attacks. Had them for things that'd seem minuscule to most people. I've stayed at home for an unhealthy timespan.

Then I got anti-anxiety meds. Clonazepam, Propranolol, and an SSRI.

All three successfully numbed me enough to be outside without my usual 'sensitivity to things', the dreaded fight-or-flight mode.



Then, after a while of trying to normalize things that would normally make me panic, I still got myself stuck at home with no reason to go out.

Could say I'm more tolerant to 'triggers' without the meds, but yeah, still pretty much need them if I want to go out, and they don't erase the anxiety to a hundred percent, just enough.

Similar to your disdain for the 'normal' not-very-self-aware-average-person, I mistrust people, but this has to do with the rabbit hole of lookism I fell into. Overall, I think it's normal or expectable to be at unease around people that you know aren't as self-conscious and considerate as you might naturally be.


Right now I should seek a job, but living on a remote city, remote country... opportunities are scarce, more so for NEETs with little to no prior experience. Had a job as a deliverer a year and a half ago (not aboard a vehicle). It was constant fight-or-flight response management.

honestly sometimes you just have to do it, i know it's easier than said. someone in highschool once told me, "fake it until you make it" and it's stuck with me since. i personally went from not having a job for around 6 months as well and then one day i magically had a job (half kidding) i had left my house maybe a little more than 10 times in that 6 months. with time you'll become more accustomed to it. you're doing great right now, asking for advice is the first big step to overcoming that "fear"!!

 

[IrisGr3y_]

honestly sometimes you just have to do it, i know it's easier than said. someone in highschool once told me, "fake it until you make it" and it's stuck with me since. i personally went from not having a job for around 6 months as well and then one day i magically had a job (half kidding) i had left my house maybe a little more than 10 times in that 6 months. with time you'll become more accustomed to it. you're doing great right now, asking for advice is the first big step to overcoming that "fear"!!

Yeah, I imagine it could or will happen within this year. One chunk of Clonazepam, 40mg of Propranolol, and I can usually get out without drama.

When I started with these, I felt like, renewed, for a while, with some 'wins' here and there, as in, having been in social situations without the panic. Then I started to get deeper into lookism, human nature, things like that, and it happened... "I don't want the world to see me". Started to feel that one line every day.

Knowing how certain physical traits are perceived and all that.

Stirred up a complete mess in me.

 

[ineedssris]

i'm so proud of you for trying even though you felt that way. you are doing great. :)
it's okay to feel that way as you aren't going to feel 100% every time you go out, but you find a way to manage it which is wonderful!! celebrate every win regardless of how big or small it is.

Yeah, I imagine it could or will happen within this year. One chunk of Clonazepam, 40mg of Propranolol, and I can usually get out without drama.

When I started with these, I felt like, renewed, for a while, with some 'wins' here and there, as in, having been in social situations without the panic. Then I started to get deeper into lookism, human nature, things like that, and it happened... "I don't want the world to see me". Started to feel that one line every day.

Knowing how certain physical traits are perceived and all that.

Stirred up a complete mess in me.

i forgot to reply I AM SO SORRY

 

[IrisGr3y_]

i forgot to reply I AM SO SORRY

It's alright, we all have our stuff to attend to. It was a quick reply honestly. Other people take a day, or a few (not referring to this site, specifically). It's fine, most people are busier than I am. I've forgotten about replies or messages myself as well. It just happens sometimes.

i'm so proud of you for trying even though you felt that way. you are doing great. :)
it's okay to feel that way as you aren't going to feel 100% every time you go out, but you find a way to manage it which is wonderful!! celebrate every win regardless of how big or small it is.

Appreciated :)

What's your story, if you don't mind me asking? Considering the name of the site...

Don't lay it out if you don't feel like it.

 

[ineedssris]

It's alright, we all have our stuff to attend to. It was a quick reply honestly. Other people take a day, or a few (not referring to this site, specifically). It's fine, most people are busier than I am. I've forgotten about replies or messages myself as well. It just happens sometimes.




Appreciated :)

What's your story, if you don't mind me asking? Considering the name of the site...

Don't lay it out if you don't feel like it.

thank you for your kindness and reassurance it means a lot!

as for my story, i'm just a loser in short. i've been suicidal for as long as i can remember. i've never really had friends due to my autism and social anxiety, and the small amount of friends i DID have left me after high school. (god i sound like chris chan) i spend most of my time online if i'm not at work. i have a bad drug addiction and sh addiction. i mainly came on here to give others support considering the world hasn't been so kind to me, i had actually used this forum in the past to ctb but failed as i did it on the phone with my dad and he called my guardians at the time. kinda crazy how things can go full circle… sorry for rambling :')

 

[naughtyNaughtyBear]

From what you said I don't see anything to be ashamed of.

Most people piss me off also, and if you have people that don't piss you off then lean on them, that helped me a lot.

I think when someone ticks you off its often just a natural reaction to finding someone thats on another wavelength.

Also the bus/rules things Im totally on your side, people should respect other people while in public spaces, especially in a tin box with wheels where a bunch of strangers are going about their business.

Commuting can be extremely tiresome and stressful.

Best of luck to you

 

[IrisGr3y_]

thank you for your kindness and reassurance it means a lot!

as for my story, i'm just a loser in short. i've been suicidal for as long as i can remember. i've never really had friends due to my autism and social anxiety, and the small amount of friends i DID have left me after high school. (god i sound like chris chan) i spend most of my time online if i'm not at work. i have a bad drug addiction and sh addiction. i mainly came on here to give others support considering the world hasn't been so kind to me, i had actually used this forum in the past to ctb but failed as i did it on the phone with my dad and he called my guardians at the time. kinda crazy how things can go full circle… sorry for rambling :')

Autism and Social Anxiety...

They can screw up anyone.

Haven't gotten diagnosed myself, but I'm the kind that doesn't communicate too well, so I suppose it's clear I wasn't spared of being on the spectrum.

After finding out how 'off' I could come across as, I started to change my behavior with hopes of, you know, changing that. Could say it's worked, it's just that I had to become very self-aware (I was already, this heightened it), but I'm comfortable with this. Got a better sense of how to be.

It was crazy having that realization.

Other than that, my experience matches yours with the post-school loneliness, abandonment. Being 'forgettable' to other people, etc.

I've kept CTB'ing as a long term thing for the time being. Not sure how you felt about being saved that time.


Thanks for all.

 

[ineedssris]

i'm sorry for my late reply as i had been working and just now saw the notification :(

Autism and Social Anxiety...

They can screw up anyone.

Haven't gotten diagnosed myself, but I'm the kind that doesn't communicate too well, so I suppose it's clear I wasn't spared of being on the spectrum.

After finding out how 'off' I could come across as, I started to change my behavior with hopes of, you know, changing that. Could say it's worked, it's just that I had to become very self-aware (I was already, this heightened it), but I'm comfortable with this. Got a better sense of how to be.

It was crazy having that realization.

it was like that for me before i got diagnosed, nobody believed me bc i hid (and i still do) it so well :/ i believe what you're describing is masking, it's really sad that we have to do that

Other than that, my experience matches yours with the post-school loneliness, abandonment. Being 'forgettable' to other people, etc.

only like two of my friends from high school have texted me since graduation, everyone else acts like they're too good for me
it's okay though because i prefer to be alone

people at my work think im weird because im very quiet, i just blankly stare at people or communicate with facial expressions or gestures

I've kept CTB'ing as a long term thing for the time being. Not sure how you felt about being saved that time.


Thanks for all.

you are valid for how you feel, and i support your decision. i'm hoping this means you don't plan on doing it soon which means you could change your mind.

as for my dad saving me, i was insanely upset. my guardians sat me down and interrogated me on why i had tried to od
i had a bad day or smth idk this was like 2 years ago and someone at the house did something to me that pushed me to my breaking point

 

[calebzz1]

I know what you need to do. You really just have to push yourself to do it but what do you do when that doesn't work. Sometimes it isn't even an anxiety it is just that I am a recluse and hate leaving the house. I think it is because I got comfortable here and it is hard to leave that comfort when everything outside pisses me off now.

Like I really do hate people in general. I love them but hate them I guess. So many are stupid, not self aware, no situational awareness, and just ignorant. Even in the car I get pissed off with people. I have set rules in my head that people should abide by socially and when someone steps out of it I hate it.

It's not even outlandish rules. Things like cross at the cross walk if you are near one, walk on the right side of the sidewalk, don't talk on the phone in public for long amounts of time, don't play audio on the bus, don't come up to me and be weird, etc. I think they are reasonable and what a lot of people agree with but not many can do it.

I haven't took the bus this week again. I don't know what to do. Something triggered me last night to want to move out so bad but I still seem so far from getting a job because I can't get on the bus. That is the only barrier right now, I know I can manage interviews as long as I practice a few times again.

It makes me feel so hopeless and ashamed of myself.

Personally, I only go out of the house for practical reasons that will benefit my health or the household.

I can't do so for leisure purposes since I feel barely functional and it's too much work with the white cane.

I get what you are saying about people, it's a hassle being visually impaired as a young man and having to act like everything is normal when your goals are different than others.

 

[Pluto]

 

[IrisGr3y_]

i'm sorry for my late reply as i had been working and just now saw the notification :(

Well, I did it this time. I recall not having had anything to say at the moment I saw the notification.

I still sort of... don't.

it was like that for me before i got diagnosed, nobody believed me bc i hid (and i still do) it so well :/ i believe what you're describing is masking, it's really sad that we have to do that

Sad but necessary I guess. With the anxiety, part of it was not allowing it to be noticeable to others, therefore, more panic.

only like two of my friends from high school have texted me since graduation, everyone else acts like they're too good for me
it's okay though because i prefer to be alone

people at my work think im weird because im very quiet, i just blankly stare at people or communicate with facial expressions or gestures

"Why are you so quiet?"

That's such a classic.

At school, teacher asks everybody why I am alone at recess, everyone responds "he just doesn't talk".

Oh well, never been much of a talker... but I do talk.

you are valid for how you feel, and i support your decision. i'm hoping this means you don't plan on doing it soon which means you could change your mind.

Not soon, never was the case. Even when such thoughts were more consistent (that could return at some point), didn't have an urge, just imagined hypothetical distant dates where the people slowing it down [parents], are no longer there.

Someone said under a Youtube video that, for 15 years, he went on, thinking he should check off any given day when the validity of his reasons to do it aligned (probably had a plan all along for that day as well). Think I could pull that off. Live with that 'escape' in mind if things go genuinely bad. The commenter said that allowed him some slight relief to do things, knowing he could just pull the plug.

Yeah, he most definitely had a method in mind to be that reassured around the idea.

For the time being, I'll just do my thing and stay as sane as I can manage.

as for my dad saving me, i was insanely upset. my guardians sat me down and interrogated me on why i had tried to od
i had a bad day or smth idk this was like 2 years ago and someone at the house did something to me that pushed me to my breaking point

Any health-compromising physical damage from that? Surviving attempts is generally not nice (that doesn't sound right, I know).