Discussion How old were you when you started considering ctb?

[keyakizaka]

i think the first time was when i was 10. i was homeless and lived in an apartment in the hot summer with no electricity after being evicted. had nothing to eat most of the time.

 

[ShrimpSB]

Somewhere between 16-17 for me. Got "better" for a couple years, but then spiraled down from there.

 

[etherealgoddess]

11. Trauma from a narcissistic stay-at-home mom who loved her kids but saw our opinions as dirt and never respected us. She never listened to us and constantly went past our boundaries. She had no impulse control, so we were her emotional plushies to say all the nastiest shit to. I could never do the things I wanted to do because I had so much anxiety when I'd immediately step in the door. I could barely do my homework and study for tests, let alone have any mental sanity.

 

[wait.what]

I was 8. I know because something happened that year that caused my mental state to deteriorate from a chronic, low-grade depression to real major depressive disorder.

I didn't quite understand what death was or how it worked, but I knew that people who died were said to be in "a better place," and I was all for that. So I tried poisoning myself by drinking rubbing alcohol. I expected to drop dead in an instant, like cartoon characters when they drank poison. Instead, I puked my guts out after about one sip. It turns out that it really burns when isopropyl alcohol comes out your nose. Also, I didn't even die. Don't try this at home, kids.

It's interesting to see how very young most of us were when we first became suicidal. 85% of us were under 18. 37% were under 14. From the sound of it, some were under 8. I'd like to point out this data to the next person who hands me the "permanent solution to a temporary problem" cliche, but it probably wouldn't do much good. These are not people with a long and close acquaintance with reality.

 

[ConstantPain]

14 for me and I don't remember there really being a specific reason. I think I had just reached the point of fully realizing that life sucks and wasn't getting any better. Didn't make a serious attempt until I was 18. MANY years later and I so wish I was successful way back then.

 

[Sad Avocado]

So many young attempts :(

 

[StolenLife]

I started feeling suicidal at 12 years old, and started seriously contemplating it when I was 14. Once the thought came, it stayed forever.