How old were you when you seriously thought about dying?

[danzk]

I've wanted to die since I was a child, but it wasn't the same as it is today. Nowadays, the feeling of not existing is much stronger and if I could, I wouldn't wake up tomorrow.

 

[newave3]

62

 

[Punpun Onodera]

Since elementary school tbh, it wasnt serious back then, but I always just wanted to disappear. In high school tho was when things got worse

 

[BRAINWORMS]

8 I think? It's weird, I had a comfortable upbringing, but I've felt inclined towards death off and on since then.

 

[danzk]

Since elementary school tbh, it wasnt serious back then, but I always just wanted to disappear. In high school tho was when things got worse

High school always sucks for everyone, I feel you

 

[insideitsempty]

16, high school ruined my life

 

[luks]

probably 11 or 12. before that age i would just fantasize about being kidnapped into a happier family

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I started having thoughts about wishing that I was dead when I was around 8.

 

[LittleMoose]

I started having feelings of severe depression at least by the age of nine, and became suicidal by age twelve. At least that was the age I seriously started considering it, and tried to come up with a method.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know in my case I've never wished to suffer in this existence, as soon as I became aware of what death was it comforted me, I'm not meant to be tormented in this reality filled with endless pain and cruelty. I'm not meant to experience anything at all, I'm just meant for nothingness, I find human existence to be such a dreadful and torturous burden, it terrifies me how one can exist for so long and suffer so unbearably, I only hope for permanent non-existence as it's an eternal release from all harm and suffering.

 

[etherealspring]

i think i was about 11 or 12 when i had my first suicidal thought. but up until recently it was more passive than active suicidal ideation. so i only started considering it seriously when i found out about this forum

 

[-nobodyknows-]

14. First serious attempt at 15.

 

[kinderbueno]

Since I was 11 in primary school

 

[GuessWhosBack]

I remember asking my parents if they would die one day when I was 6, we were praying the rosary on their king sized bed.

I've been struggling with impermanence and thinking about death and suicide every now and then.

 

[Forever Sleep]

10. Combination of grieving for close family members who had died and growing up with a (suspected) narcissist.

 

[iloveduster]

Around 7-8. I was in a way obsessed with death and dying. I had dreams about me stabbing myself and then just going for a walk while I bleed out

 

[hopelessoceanic25]

I felt somewhat suicidal when I was 16. Life got a bit better, and here I am again, at the age of 25, having done some "dress rehearsals", but SI is still a bitch.

 

[kcon1243]

I carved "I want to die" onto a wood tree at age 8 so I imagine I was dealing with those feelings sometime before that. 36 now, many attempts later, hoping my latest plan is effective.

 

[chobonzi]

Eh I hated my life for as long as I can remember. I grew up with my parents being addicts/alcoholics and abusive towards each other and towards me. But the first time I tried to take my life I was 12 I think.

 

[Z-A]

It has been serious since high school. I'm at a point where I don't want to fight in this life anymore.

 

[Tod]

First attempt at 9.... obsession over death one year b4 while my dad was deployed the first time.... and even tho I don't truly remember because of dissociation the first thoughts have probably been popping up at 5 or 6..... I didn't even understand the meaning of death back then.... I just knew I don't want this thing humans call life and that the overwhelming nature of it has been too much for me.... I pretty much wanna die my whole life.... yet because my SI became so strong over years of survival I never attempted outside of my "going insane moments".....
To this day I need it to end.... I've had stupid attempts.... serious ones..... but I'm still here....

 

[pomcustard]

Around 8 years old but I think that was just a result of being dramatic. If we're talking about ctb thoughts because of depression, I would think around 15 or 16. I didn't have my first attempt till I was 19 years old.

 

[Steff1337]

Somewhere around 16 y/o

 

[tychai]

16, family stuff that i repressed the effects of growing up caught up to me i think as everything worsened. 18 was my first attempt.

 

[peaches]

I knew at 8 that something was terribly wrong. By 13, I was done. By 17, my 1st attempt. I am now over 65.
Mine is a very long story.
I would not want to re-live any of it. Because underneath my exterior circumstances, I wake up every day as me.
It is unbearable being me.
The people remotely like me have ctb.

 

[zerocontrol]

I do recall once asking my mom what it's like to be dead when I was maybe about 6 y.o., She only replied with negativity and asked that I do not bring this up ever again. More serious thoughts started coming to me at the age of 14, when I wished I'd get cancer or any other terminal illness, probably in hopes that it would make people actually feel bad for me for once. First and so far last attempt at 17. Now the thoughts of dying are essentially a daily routine for me.

 

[Anonperson1]

9, maybe younger

 

[InAgony]

13, possibly 12

 

[LetMeBeSad]

I tried for the first time when I was 8.

 

[Perdition]

i can't remember how old exactly, maybe 11 or 10 but came to the distinct realization that there was something very wrong with my brain & the only way to stop the near-constant anxiety and panic about literally everything was being asleep, which is not permanent. I wanted something permanent but also realized I didn't have the balls to do it, but hopefully would someday. it's been a long road