Discussion How old were you when you realized you would ctb?

[Sleepycat]

"This isn't my world, I don't belong here." Is the oldest thought in my head. It's been so long I can't give you an age of when I first knew.
First time I tried and failed was about 9 or 10.

 

[kaleidoscopedreams]

I've been suicidal since I was 6 years old (that I can fully remember due to extreme CPTSD, I'm sure it's sooner due to 2 drug addict parents), I knew the moment I turned 13 I wasn't going to b able to hold on to 27. I still don't know how I've made it this long

 

[crimsonpool]

ive been suicidal longer than i can remember but i was 14 when i realised thats probably how im gonna go, that was the point i realised its possible for life to just keep going downhill and it sure has since then

 

[oh_no191]

I think I was around the age of 10 or so once I finally realized I could do it

 

[sadidiot0328]

Around seven to nine years old.

 

[Twiceler]

13 years old. But there was a kinky hope in my mind that life is actually easy, and I was waiting for things set up automatically. Ofc it's wrong lol, and now in my twenties I know I definitely will ctb.

 

[ringo99]

Made the decision in my mid 20s when I realized I was looking at a future that is nothing but unending pain and loneliness

 

[cami]

i didnt act on it until i was 14, but i knew from the age of 9 that my cause of death would be suicide. it's life, i guess.

 

[soft-flower345]

I started fantasizing of jumping off buildings and making myself bleed to death around 13 years old, I couldn't even understand why I was thinking about it or articulate my feelings back then. made my first attempt by OD at 17 and failed. I didn't know about this site so I lacked the information I needed to stack the odds in my favor. I won't fail this time

 

[Ashu]

Fourteen, and made my first attempt days later.

 

[loopdaloop]

At 15 I started researching methods but came across numerous cases of failed suicide attempts, so it kinda derailed me from attempting for a while.

 

[90starve]

Title says it all.

I've been suicidal since before I was 10, but it wasn't until the last year that the realization hit me that I'd certainly lose my battle against depression. I guess I had never dwelled on it past the moment of my attempts and always convinced myself I'd improve. Suicidal thoughts existed in me long before I recognized I wouldn't be able to fight them.

i think i was 14 when i had my first suicidal thought.

 

[MyFinalProject]

I was 14 when the idea of CTB crossed my mind and the first attempt at 15. I wish I had died back then.

 

[Rust20]

I believe the moment you deeply think about ctb, you actually die(or at least your ego dies). Been thinking about it since I started going to school.

 

[koitenchi]

9, it's somewhat relieving to know I wasn't the only one mulling over it at that age

 

[ToTheTwillight]

13, but what do I know, I'm now in the late 30's lol

 

[magician99]

I was 13 when something broke in me and made me realize how insignificant existing/living is and I have been sh since then. Maybe I would have had a different mindset if it wasn't for my abusive parents/bullies, but still.

 

[MourningBird]

I'm shocked at the amount of people here who've been considering suicide since childhood. I consider my childhood the best years of my life and can't comprehend thinking of suicide at those ages, so it's very upsetting to me to read this thread.

I started thinking about suicide when I was 15. I just one day got the idea to jump out of the window of the building I was in, and... that was that.

 

[PrisonPlanet]

I was 15 the first time I thought about wanting to do it. I've never been in control of my life. I'm always at the mercy of someone else. My parents, my family. I'm sick of living with my family but can't afford to move out.

 

[jemetire]

16

 

[rustinpeacepolaris]

9? 10 maybe? big move started it all

 

[finnn]

9

 

[Shaylla1998]

I was suicidal for most of my life, however, it was at the age of 16 that I made the decision to CTB.

 

[Minsu]

I got my first suicidal thoughts when I was 12.
It was because of school since there was (still is) a big pressure on students in Korea and I couldn't handle it

 

[mirzani]

Title says it all.

I've been suicidal since before I was 10, but it wasn't until the last year that the realization hit me that I'd certainly lose my battle against depression. I guess I had never dwelled on it past the moment of my attempts and always convinced myself I'd improve. Suicidal thoughts existed in me long before I recognized I wouldn't be able to fight them.

i think the moment i know im not matters is when i was 4-5 years old. i noticed how ive been treated differently in my family despite me being the not demanding and the smartest one in school. but it never really matters. at the age of 9 i tried to choke myself to death to escape the pain inflicted by my mom. but, of course i was afraid to die, so i just choked my self till i cough and cough. life not getting better afterwards, always regretting my decision not to continue long time ago..hahahaha

 

[ctb-soon]

I was 15 when I made my first attempt, but I was suicidal in my thoughts for several years before.

It has never left me; it just comes in various waves - some stronger than others.

 

[アホペンギン]

I was 11-12 years old when i realized that i would definitely die by my own hand. I have only acted on that decision recently.